Wanting to help my teen son who I think has anxiety

[hippychick]

Hi there everyone,

I have a 17 year old son who I think has some sort of anxiety or issues around that. He seemed to get more and more avoidant of going out without me or my husband when he turned about 12. He was extremely nervous about attending high school and didnt want to go -often sat by himself. Its a small school so thats one good thing I guess. Anyway he has a couple of good friends but he doesnt do anything with them after school. He has friends on line in the computer game WoW which he loves. He avoids doing any out of school activity other than his computer games. He does come on bushwalks with me if it means he can get out of a day of school.

He just recently was doing TAFE once a week as part of school. He was going to it with his good friend. Anyway then his friend didnt go one day (he was sick) so my son completely refused to go to TAFE if his friend wasnt going because he didnt know anyone else. This happened two weeks in a row. SO now he isnt doing TAFE any more and neither is his friend. He finds it hard to talk up in class. He struggles with school (he says he finds it uninteresting). THe teacher who is in charge of the learning help thinks he needs help with his anxiety before he leaves school but my son doesnt seem to think he has a problem with anxiety. I feel like I should listen to my son and give him a chance to sort it out but I am also worried that it may genuinely affect him when he leaves school in 18 months. He wants to join the Sea Shepherd..thats his dream. I just think he might not be able to get on the ship if he doesnt know anyone but he thinks I should stop worrying and that he will be fine. What are your thoughts? I would love to hear from anyone else who has gone through somthing similar? Thank you all..

[Kerry36]

Hey Hun I think you should keep pushing him to do stuff even if he is worried because he has to get used to that sort of school life and he should be fine xx

[Zeus27]

He may have anxiety and/or depression.  You should seek a counselor to get to the root of the problem.  He needs to socialize a bit more to have him get used to the outside world.    I used to be the same way at his age, I didn't like school, school activities, going out with friends.  I felt like I was worthless.  This was a result of bullying at school and low self-esteem.   What helped me was just to keep my mind busy with activities (painting, writing in my journal, speaking to a close friend) and working out etc.  I would definitely have him go to a counselor as this may affect him during his adult life.  I didn't go to a counselor and I wish I did.

[Sailing]

I just want to say I can feel exactly where you are coming from. My 18 year old son is just the same and it is heartbreaking. Feels he does not need counselling, no friends, does not go out. Due to his learning disabilities everything is hard for him to achieve. So low self esteem. I am constantly worrying. I am sorry I have no advice apart from seeker ng counselling advice for yourself. I find it useful on a strategy aspect. It does not aid situation but allows you to cope with the situations in a better manner. X

[2manycurveballs]

Dear hippychick, just from your profile name I feel your a lovely sensitive generous loving Mum. Your son is also like you. It is very very tough in this world for sensitive kind people. Most importantly be kind to yourself and your children. 17 is a tough tough time. I have a 18, 16 & 14 year old and NONE of my children fit well into school. Its tough, mean and competitive. Teenagers are so self absorbed they dont see their peers struggling. My eldest is highly sensitive, he is kind, loyal and loves nature. He hates loud noises, crowds, unfamiliar places. He was the same in not wanting to attend places without someone he knew. He has NO close friends. Your son needs time to feel supported and confident to tackle places alone.

You need to keep showing him all your lovely support and compassion, remind him how special he is, but mostly help him find something he loves and has fun doing. My son plays cricket and the support the older members have given him have done more than any psychologist has. Not to say they are not important, but being made to feel a sense of belonging is the key to self acceptance. I found kinesiology, whereby your child does not even have to talk an amazing start to opening up. It is a gentle way of breaking habits.

If your son wants to work on the Sea shepard, help him follow his dreams. try to find ways which will lead him into this passion. I hope this helps, stay strong and remember there are others like you who stuggle with raising these lovely sensitive children, your never alone. xxx

[hippychick]

Thanksfor your lovely words @2manycurveballs. It really helps to know there are other families who have kids like my son. I will keep trying to help him find an activity he would like. He seems interested (well I think so) in Japanese drumming where theres a group of about 20 students and they learn right from the start of how to drum. Ive heard drumming can be therapeutic.

[hippychick]

@Zeus27 thanks for sharing and Im sorry to hear you also had trouble at school..its a horrible environment when you dont conform.. thanks for the advice too...Im not confident that my son will do counselling but I will keep asking from time to time.

[hippychick]

Any time you feel low because of your son you can vent here with me. We can only be as happy as our unhappiest child.. I just hope my son is able to find the courage to navigate this sometimes nasty world. All I want for him is to find some friends who like doing what he also likes and can make him feel included..so far they only exist online.

[Zeus27]

You are welcome.  My son currently has anger and depression.  He did not agree with counseling but I scheduled an appointment anyway (without his knowledge).  He was upset at first but after he got to know his counselor and opened up to him, it completely changed my son.  He is more understanding, thinks before he speaks and cares about consequences. See if that helps. 

[Caz01]

Hi Hippy Chick, your son may have anxiety and also be quite shy and sensitive. My daughter refused to go to school from year 8 and has been homeschooled. I understand your frustration but it's great he has a couple of friends and is still going to school . Can he get a part time job to boost his confidence and I strongly recommend a psychologist which has helped us tremendously. I think we all need to remember that some of our kids will be the quiet introverted ones, nothing wrong with that as long as they can function in the real world. All the best .