Worries with 13 year old boy

[Schooner]

Hi @lizard0812,

I don't have the answers, of course. I guess in your situation I would consider keeping him away from school for a while. At that age he can miss a few weeks without falling too far behind. That might keep him away from the bad influences and maybe let him sort his head out himself. I guess I would try to find out what he wants. That's hard if he doesn't want to talk.  

I found the same situation; we would get attention if there was a threat of suicide. It's very frustrating to find it has to get that bad before the system starts to act. We moved to a private psychologist, who is fantastic, but expensive.

Hope you can find the strength to keep going. 

Cheers

[lizard0812]

Hi schooner nobody has the answers if only it sound make our lives a lot more bearable at these times. Unfortunately we can’t keep him home from school we are both full time workers and have had a lot of time off already for him and no way we would leave him home alone. It really is so so hard as a parent to know what the right thing to do is or know what is going to work. We have a big conference next week with school and many different services will be present including police liaison officer so let’s hope we get somewhere.

I am only just holding things together and I’m not really sure how to be honest.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @lizard0812 I can hear that apart from the concern for your son you are really struggling yourself. Do you and you partner have some supports? 

I would really recommend calling a helpline such as Mensline (1300 789 978) or Parentline for some emotional support.

Mensline is a free and confidential line, staffed by qualified counsellors 24/7. They could be a great addition for support alongside our forum. 

-Lina/RO

@Schooner 

[lizard0812]

Hi TOM-RO yep I’m struggling massively. I have found through this there is not much support available except forums like this which I am so lucky to have support from. I don’t want to go and talk to a psychologist about how I feel my priority is my son.i have been to them but it doesn’t help me. I can’t take time for myself I can’t do nice things I am so stressed and sad and angry every emotion how can I go and relax. I have some friends that i can talk too and that helps a bit. I wish there was help out there to give me strategies how to deal with all of this but the area I live in there seems to be nothing on offer. It’s not a small town either. Dad and I are not together either so that is difficult. We are on the same page though with this.

[Schooner]

Hi @lizard0812,

I agree, I didn't feel like there was much support for me during that time. I was totally focussed on getting help for my son, and there was only just enough support for him, too. Looking back I wished I'd been stronger or braver or whatever to make me go and seek help for myself, because in the end I ran out of strength and I couldn't support my boy properly. Luckily this was right at the end of his bad time, so we made it through anyway, but I don't know what would have happened if we still had a long way to go.

Don't think of it as relaxing or doing nice things for yourself. Think of it as preparing to help your boy even better, because that's what it is.

By the way, psychologists didn't really help me either. I needed help with more practical things: getting him to school as much as possible, getting him to appointments, shopping for food and other simple things. Spread the load wherever you can. I don't know about you but I found I was exhausted a lot, but also unable to sleep well, so even simple things became hard work. Nobody can go on for too long like that. 

Does your boy like the movies? I found taking my son to the movies was a chance for me to switch off for a couple of hours, knowing he was beside me and safe. No talking means no chance for fights, too

Cheers

[lizard0812]

Hey @Schooner yep I’m running out of everything honestly don’t think I can face it for another day let alone what reality is telling me I will be facing it. The lack of help and support is very challenging even for the kids there is not enough support.

I’m sad that you had to go through it but I’m glad for me I don’t feel so alone cause not everybody understands. The practical stuff is extremely difficult when you are working as well and trying to get them to school coping with the constant phone calls etc at work and when they disappear from school when your at work and nobody can find them all so very very stressful.

Hoping tomorrow brings some hope at least

[Schooner]

I got to hate hearing the phone ring, my body would tense up just thinking "What now".

Thanks for your sympathy Luckily it is over for us. Just this last month or so, I've been thinking "we made it". He is still on medication, but everything else is just normal teenage behaviour.

You have my sympathy too. I just took it a day at a time, trying to solve the drama for that day. The school were worse than useless in our case, hope yours is better. We were lucky to finally get a great medical team on his side. That took maybe 5 months.

I found writing down my headaches on this site good therapy. The responses were a bonus-  just typing them out was worthwhile. 

Enjoy the weekend as best you can

Cheers

[Lan-RO]

Hi @lizard0812 I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, it sounds like an extremely difficult time. It's good to hear that you are able to talk to some friends who are able to provide support. I hope the conference next week goes well and that you are able to get some further support and strategies to assist your son. Just a quick note I've edited your post to include the @ symbol in front of username you have mentioned which allows you to tag members in your post and they'll also receive a notification. We're here for you 

[lizard0812]

@Lan-RO thanks for your support. We are having an horrendous time. Things are just spiraling out of control. We are a family in crisis and cannot get help. Gp is fantastic but we need to see pediatrician and psychologist and we are trying the private system as well as public and we are prepared to travel to see them. well guess what nobody can see us until March or April next year that is for a private patient. Public mental health unless you are suicidal at the time they will put you on a 6-8 month waiting list. This family will be destroyed by then it’s such a scary thought we are screaming out for help and cannot get it. What the hell do people do. It is affecting every part of sons life and he is just self destructing and all I can do is watch and try and support him even though I am in his mind the worst person in his life that is trying destroy his life and the reason he hates his life so much. I cannot keep going like this but how can I turn my back on him when the system is it’s so sad and distressing. Even our private mental health system is in crisis. What do others do in times of crisis

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @lizard0812, that sounds terribly distressing that you are not able to get the help you need right now. I can tell that you are trying all that you can to get some support. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be expected to navigated this struggle for so many more months. Does the GP have any services they recommend in the meantime? I ask this as they will have the most local knowledge of the services and alternatives available. There are services like Kids Helpline and eheadspace which might be helpful while you are waiting for an appointment. There are also Telehealth services or psychologists that sometimes provide Skype counselling sessions. I am not sure of the logistics or suitability of these services but they may be useful while waiting for face-to-face support. For example, googling 'Skype Psychologists Australia' provides some results which may be of use. There is also the ReachOut Coaching Program that builds up action plans throughout sessions for you and your child. Sending some positive vibes