Am I crazy?????

[jdbza]

Hi the Department of Child Services are insisting that we let our niece start boxing wether  its a bag and gloves or lessons at the PCYC. They believe that it will help her work through her aggression and negative feelings. We don’t agree. In the last 12 months she has assaulted 4 other girls. The first time it happened she coward punched another student at school.We think it will just teach a girl who can be violent to be more skilled at it. Am I crazy?? We would rather that we help her learn a skill that she can use anywhere at anytime like yoga. Also to use boxing as a release she will have to hang onto her aggression until she gets home to release it. DoCS other suggestion is that she learns a martial art as it would teach her self-discipline. We have the same reservations. Since she has been with us she has only hurt one of us once. She struck my husband in the face and his glasses cut into his nose causing it to bleed. We know she needs an outlet for how she is feeling … does anyone have any suggestions?

[Erin-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @jdbza while I'm not 100% on the best way forward, I wonder if it's worth having a chat to 1800Respect as they might have some info for you?

They're a 24/7 confidential info, counselling and support service for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse and might just have some advice on what strategies to use.

[Erin-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @jdbza while I'm not 100% on the best way forward, I wonder if it's worth having a chat to 1800Respect as they might have some info for you?

They're a 24/7 confidential info, counselling and support service for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse and might just have some advice on what strategies to use.

[jdbza]

Thank you for your suggestion. I will give them a call. 

[jdbza]

I contacted them and they recommended I contact her psychologist which I’ve done. We now have an appt with her to talk about what we can do.

[Erin-RO]

That's a good next step @jdbza

The psychologist should be able to advise you on the best evidence based strategies for your niece's particular challenges, so whatever they are at least you'll be able to have more information about it all.

[jdbza]

Yes, we will see her tomorrow and are hopeful she will be able to help us. We saw our niece for 3 hours today. We were saddened to hear from her carer that last night she was taken to hospital again for self-harming. She is due to return home in 10 days time and are concerned as to how we can make our home safe for her. We already keep all medication under lock and key and are not sure what else we should or can do.

[Erin-RO]

I think because self-harm tends to be used as a coping strategy, it might be worth also chatting to the psych about what type of adaptive strategies they would recommend. That way you've got some alternative coping options available, as well as securing any meds or items that your niece might use.

[jdbza]

We are eager to speak with her psychologist this morning. Everyone including the CSOs, school, youth workers and the house manger of the residential facility where she is living have told us that they believe she is doing it for attention. She only does it when she is try to engage with someone and they tell her that they are unable to give her the attention she wants straight away because they are doing one on one work with her co-tenants. She never self-harmed in any way when she was at home with us.

[taokat]

Hey @jdbza, it was suggested years ago that my daughter learn martial arts as well. I used to have gloves and a punching bag before we moved here, and found it was a great aggression reliever for my daughter. I wish we had room for it here as it may have saved my house being trashed! Giving teens a safe outlet for their anger and frustration can be really useful for them. 

Not sure about boxing, but I do know learning martial arts teaches self discipline and focus. Those mental disciplines can be used anywhere as well. My daughter needed a physical way to release her energy before she learnt ways to manage her emotions in a more subdued way, so I was keen for her to learn, but she just wanted the punching bag.

I'm really interested to hear how you went with the psychologist this morning. Knowing your daughter, they'll definitely be able to best judge if it's something your niece could benefit from.  

[Breez-RO]

Heya @taokat @jdbza, as with @taokat I have heard really positive things about adolescent's getting involved with martial arts. Specifically the MA's that as mentioned already, teach discipline, respect, guidance. Karate is an obvious one on respect and discipline but there's also Brazilian Ju-Jitzu and others