Does anyone else have no contact to their parents?

[Loretta]

Hi everyone,

I am a mum to a baby girl and I am now meeting more and more other mums.

About 6 years ago I stopped all contact with my own parents and sister due to reasons I won't discuss here. However, it is always awkward - especially around Christmas time - when new friends and aquaintances ask about my parents or family.

I would love to seeif there are mums with the same experience here and just exchange strategies and chat about how they are dealing with it.

Anyone who has the same or similar expereince?

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Loretta, congratulations on your new baby! It is great that you are meeting some new Mums - that can be hard to accomplish with a young one. Having no contact with your family can be tough and even more difficult to talk about. It comes down to what you are comfortable sharing, especially with people you have just met. You can keep it vague and say that you aren't close with your family, that you don't keep in contact with them or that you would prefer to not chat about your relationships with your family. You aren't obliged to share anything if you feel uncomfortable or if the question is too personal I know it is challenging to navigate this topic with new people but please know you aren't alone. Family relationships are complex and therefore people may be more likely to be understanding. If they are judgemental towards you or your situation, then it is possible that this type of person may not be someone you want in your life anyway.

Please feel welcome to post on other threads and keep us updated with your situation.

[Loretta]

But I would be curious if there are any other parents in a similar situation and I would love to get in touch and exchange thoughts and just to see if there are others out there with the same situation?

I feel that this is a topic that is not talked about anywhere. So I am looking for others out there who know what I mean.

[Sophia]

I have no contact and yes it gets awkward but I learned to live with it, hope it will get easier for you too 

[RuralMum85]

Hi Loretta

I am newly no contact with my Mum as she's very manipulative and narcissistic. I have 4.5 year old twins (first and only children) and I suffer from mental health issues which have been a long term issue and I'm still navigating medication etc but having her in our lives was proving detrimental to my mental health as well as my relationship with our children and my husband. It's been roughly 6 months and sometimes it's hard but I know I need to find treatment that works, whatever that may be, and get myself in the right headspace before I can consider letting her back into our lives. I know she will bring it all up and how horrible a person I've always been to her, but I can't handle that right now. Who knows. Even if I do get better, I may not even allow her to have contact with us.

I am more than happy to answer any questions you have

Congratulations on your little one

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Sophia and @RuralMum85, thank you both for sharing your experience here. Having no contact with parents is definitely challenging and can take some adjusting. My thoughts are with you both as it can be such an upsetting experience, especially when raising little ones. Please feel welcome to keep chatting here or create your own thread. You can do that by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right corner.

@RuralMum85, I am so sorry to hear that your Mum is manipulative and narcissistic. That must be so difficult for you to deal with that, on top of your own issues. It is hard but sometimes you have to look after yourself first and set boundaries, as you have mentioned

[marti]

Hi Loretta

You are so strong to cut communication with those people. It can take so long to make that decision and it can be so hard hey? It was for me

Not just the confrontation and issue itself but those potential or actual conversations with other people afterwards.

I chose to cut ties with my mother.
I had support to do it. My psychologist namely.

When I find it comes up with other people I'm a pretty open book. And I day pretty candidly that I don't have contact with her.
I am grateful have the strength to talk about it pretty objectively. That is with out being triggered into a big narrative or emotional response.

If you're not there yet and it still is hard when the conversation might arise maybe you could develop a little rehearsed narrative that is generic and a spiel you can give that doesn't prompt any more questioning. Until you are in a positi pin to speak more openly.

My narrative is along the lines of
Unfortunately my mother suffered alot of trauma as a child it's unresolved so that means she wears that trauma and for her she is easily tripped into fight or flight and becomes hysterical quite quickly and is constantly seeking out trauma and drama because that's the most comfortable situation for her.

No longer having her in my life means that I am able to avoid unexpected dramatic ploys to pull me into whirlwinds of emotion.

I have written her a letter that I am yet to send or even re read.
And it helped a lot .

I hope you know, Lorettamuch it takes to cut someone out and you are doing a brave and clever thing to allow yourself space and avoid unwanted complications around your baby
I wish I had done it while my babies were younger.
It would have saved alot of grief

Well done

Happy New year

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @marti, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. It is lovely to see the kind support you are showing others on this forum. I am sorry that you have had to cut ties with your own mother and that this has negatively impacted your life. As we have all touched on, it is never an easy thing to do but sometimes it feels like it is the most beneficial decision for you and your situation. Please feel welcome to continuing sharing your story and showing support to others

[Afi07]

Hello, I don’t have contact with my mother at all - it’s been around 10 years now. My mum was abusive, a liar - a frightening unpredictable parent and every time I spent time with her as an adult (and a mother of two now teenagers) I ended up feeling like the trapped child I used to be...for days after any meetings I was in recovery mode.
It was exhausting and I just didn’t want my own children around her (I think they met her a handful of times)
And yes, people used to question it but I’d just tell them straight out that no contact keeps me sane.