My 16 year old is depressed after a breakup.

[Lilly95100]

My 16 year old son just broke up with his girlfriend. She was his first one. He's been crying and not eating much for a week now . I'm very worried. I tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to. I have my company anual party this week so I told him he could come clear his head. Is it a good idea ? What else can I do ?

[motherbear]

Hi @Lilly95100 So sorry to hear your son has had his heart broken , it happens to the best of us ! First loves and losses can be devastating and all consuming . Teen hormones and psycho- social development mean that break ups can be very hard felt and seem for the teen almost catastrophic and disastrous. 

It is normal to cry and feel unmotivated after a break up . Is there someone else he feels comfortable chatting to if not you ? Dad ? Grandad ? Uncle ?  Sometimes this is a good time to enlist the help of his besties . Boys aren't big on talking emotion but they will understand if you have a chat with them privately , and will spend time with him for solace support and a shoulder should he decide to talk about it . Even just playing video games with him and having a good laugh will help him . Arrange social nights at your place with his mates , movie and pizza nights etc to keep him occupied . 

If he won't talk about it at all then getting him out of the house doing things with you is a great idea . I would let him attend a party with you absolutely!  The more he socialises the better . It will keep him afloat while he is processing the grief of his loss .Getting him out and about despite feeling like he wants to curl up in a ball will help him to develop his resilience and ability to push through feelings of inertia and sadness . 

Take him to the footy , basketball games , music festivals , what ever he is into with his mates so he feels connected and supported while he is adjusting to being single again . 

If he is a reader get him some books on teen break ups  for boys .  Just google it ! 

Above all give him time . He may take a month or do to get over it if he was really keen on the person . Acknowledging his feelings of loss and loneliness is important while balancing that with reminders that he will feel better over time , and that he is a great guy who will love again .  He may scowl at you but it will resonate with him later when he is feeling better and more balanced in his thinking . 

If he starts to withdraw from you , friends and life ,  and  appears not  to be healing then consider  getting a counsellor to help him with being " stuck " . There may be other issues there to be explored stopping him from moving on . 

Best of luck ! Do not despair he will be ok . 😊

[Lilly95100]

Hi @motherbear thank you for your answer. We had pizza, he seems to feel a bit better today. We moved to Melbourne last month. We are from France. We're not really in touch with the rest of the family. His dad passed away in 2003 and I've not been seeing anyone since then because I am scared it might me difficult for my son. We don't really know much people here yet. I hope he'll be better once he starts to make new friends around here

[motherbear]

Bonjour @Lilly95100 Bienvenue en Australie !  So glad to hear you are both feeling better . It must be difficult coming from another country as a single parent . Please reach out to us whenever you need support . We have so many great parents here and between us we have a wealth of knowledge and compassion to share . 

Best wishes for settling in Melbourne, it is a great city and I am sure you and your lovely boy will find your feet very soon . 😊

[PrepareMyKid]

@Lilly95100 I agree with @motherbear about planning in things to keep your son's mind off of the break up.

As adults we have the big perspective about relationships at that age and that there may be plenty of other girls that might be way better... not to mention that your son might change in the next few years.

The great thing about kids is that they often rebound quickly as long as they have something in their life that's a constant.  It sounds like you really care and that you're doing all of the right things.  He should be fine.

I always think about this quote someone told me: "In life, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

I hope this helps.