Thanks Gina . ... View more

 Dear @mrskode , I am so sorry to hear you have been rejected so  much in your life recently. This must be very difficult to deal with . There is nothing so painful as being pushed away when you feel you give so much. Its the time we always ask " what is so wrong with me that they don't want to be with me ?" We often answer that question ourselves, and our negative "chatter " can see us going around in circles in our head trying to solve this question. However without the in put of those who have rejected us , we find we get nowhere fast and end up at the same point again " but why?". The rumination keeps going and we feel worse, beating ourselves up in to  swirls of anxiety and depression.    First of all, there are many factors that contribute to why friendships fail and they do not always mean its your doing !  Without knowing the details of the rejections , I  would say though, that courageous communication is the key . Finding a time and place to talk about it with them is one idea that may work.  This may look like this : 1.Call them up on a day when you feel strong and centred and say, " I feel that we have grown apart recently , I enjoy your company so much and really value you as a friend. Could we perhaps talk soon about what went wrong ?" or :  " have I done something wrong or hurt your feelings in anyway ? I miss you and hope that we can talk about it over a coffee soon ?" Writing down what you want to say is also a good idea if you find nerves make you a bit tongue tied on thew phone.    2.You could email them if you feel to emotional to discuss it  in person or over the phone. Some people , (myself  included )prefer to write as they can feel their emotions take over and they find it hard to articulate clearly and in a non-defensive logical manner their thoughts in a awkward discussion    It does mean you have to be brave enough to accept the outcomes of your broaching the subject and waiting to see their responses. You may hear things that are confronting ( especially if you are honest about their validity ) and things that really sting, but remember your aim is to reconnect not win the fight and so choose to own what you know deep down to be true of you, and say it out loud to them.    3. Apologise for what you did. The way someone sees an interaction and its outcomes depends on their perspective. Their perception , while not necessarily factual , is how they felt it at the time and its important to acknowledge this even if you don't agree with it or it was not your intention. Their take away was hurt - that is a fact . By the same token do not accept ownership of something you know was not the truth .  This takes a very brave person !! You have to be willing to be vulnerable !   I believe however that it is worth the leap and the risk of the friendship not surviving. If it does not repair , at least you can say you tried , and you can move on with peace in your heart knowing you did  your best.  Remember none of us are perfect , you can make mistakes and redeem yourself, you deserve it, and  if not then the friendship  was not meant to be . When you work from integrity and have a willing spirit, the real friends will see this in you and forgive you.    We are all evolving , all the time, and hopefully as we learn new lessons we can become better friends for the new friends of the future.    Perhaps give me more context if this does not resonate with you . Best of luck .   Blessings Motherbear        ... View more

Oh boy @Struggle, this sounds like a huge burden for you as a family ! I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you . You sound like a truly loving exhausted parent !  My suggestion would definitely be family therapy . The problem is  more likely to be one of the interpersonal dynamic between you , your husband and your son . We often take our kids to the psychological alter and ask someone to help them , when really it's a family issue that is the problem not simply the individual child 's problems .  There may well be parenting issues  here that are clashing with your son's mental health issues that are exacerbating the situation and it has escalated across time .  It can be a potent mix that compounds across time !  I know family therapy can be expensive however you may be able to get it under a Mental Heath care plan ?? . I would tell your GP that your situation has reached crisis point , you are thinking of  making him leave the home . It would be worth the investment anyway as you have very little time left ( 2 years infact ) to influence him as a child in your care . When he is 18 then the wheels could really come off .  Our job is to prepare our kids to be independent , self reliant , productive and  self actualising in life .  At the moment this seems like a goal you can never reach , I get that and I feel for you all .  The other thing is , if you really feel that you cannot cope any longer , get him into a therapeutic camp for teens , one that includes  adjunct  parenting work for you and your husband to do while he is away so that when he returns you have therapeutic parenting tools to deal with his behaviours .     Please take care of yourself and don't give up on him ! I am sure there is a solution if you keep searching 😊       ... View more

Hi @SASpurs67 Welcome ! Thank you for joining us . I am so sorry to hear what you are experiencing with your son .  It can be a real shock when your teen does something that you think is  so different to to who you thought they were . It can really throw you and make you wonder how good a parent you really are , compared to the sort of parent you thought you were ! Believe me all good  , loving , engaged , parents see behaviours in their kids that seem so left field , we wonder if we have  influence in their decisions !  It's a great that you have a really open and loving relationship with your son  well done !  My take on this issue:   It's not unusual for teens to experiment with all sorts of risky behaviours at 17 . They are testing their toes in the waters of life experiences  It's part of the rites of passage from being a child to an adult .  I call it the " peacocking phase " .(  It goes along with the weights training , protein powders  mirror preening and fake tan   ) Some kids move on after realising it's not for them and they start to see the negatives and realise it's a foolish pathway to stay on long term . Other kids who continue often do so because it serves a purpose in their life . They may be starting to suffer from  stress , anxiety ,  depression and it's a way to self medicate  and shut out the  negative  painful feelings . It may be a way to rebel from too much restriction and overly tough boundaries at home , or discord  and unhappiness at home .  What ever the reasons are , they do need to be explored . Early intervention is the best way to tackle this so it doesn't escalate into a bigger problem down the track .  My suggestions would be ( if you haven't already tried them is )  Questions are always better than a lecture 😉  Wait until you are having a " soft " chat with your son , maybe in the car on the way to sport or if you are cooking together . Ie a chat that is indirect and organic . When you are both in a happy chatty mood .  Then mention that you  saw he had been googling " detox marijuana "   Then ask :  1. Is there a reason you were looking up " detox marijuana ? You might come at it from an angle of curiosity . Maybe one of his friends needs help ? Better to not make assumptions or judgements - this will help to keep his defensive guard down and he will be more open to discussion .  2. Tell me a bit a bit about why you decided to try it ?  3 . What is it like ( if you don't know 😊! )  4. If you have smoked it  yourself or used drugs in your past be honest , he will appreciate it . Tell him why you did it and then why you stopped .  5. Tell him that Marijuana is a  drug that in evidence based studies and in  recent scientific research papers is a known de- motivator , impares cognitive functioning , can trigger depression , and for those genetically pre- disposed even bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. He is essentially playing Russian roulette with his brain . Is that a risk worth taking ?  6. If he is interested in " detoxing " then it shows he has the capacity for self reflection and a desire to help himself- that shows he is capable and smart and self protective !  You have done a great job as a Dad then !  7. Talk about his dreams and goals and needs in life . Focusing on what he wants to achieve  , and then ask him how does Marijuana fit into this picture ? Will it get him closer to what he wants or won't it ?  If it's only recreational then is there something else he can replace it with that will not sabotage his goals ?  8.If he finds it hard to talk to you but says he thinks he is unhappy , anxious , or stressed then I suggest a counsellor or psychologist .  9. We all have friends relatives who have suffered enormously and not achieved their full potential or lead very compromised lives from the collusion of drugs and mental illness - discuss this with him .  I have always scared the pants off my kids with the horrors of drugs by talking about my brother who developed  severe bipolar  disorder  with psychosis after starting to smoke at  14 .  I have even shown them   prgressive before / after photographs of  people who use methelyampetamine .  I even get the rolling of the eyes and " oh mum not the meth faces again " 😁  I wish you all the best ,  he is lucky to have such an amazing Dad like you who cares enough to get on top of this soon - you are doing the right thing !  If you do manage to ask some if the things Ive suggested let us know how you go . It's always good to get feedback . 😊 ... View more

Hi there  I am so sorry you and your daughter are struggling It sounds as if things have been tough for you guys recently . I don't know much about virtual schooling I know there is an ACE program in Victoria that helps kids who don't  fit in per se . They go to school  one day a week and then are supported with homework for the rest of the week .  Anxiety : some things to think about :  1. Challenge her each day to do something that  " scares her "  Make is small , simple and achievable . Across time this will be so powerful . She will gain confidence and a sense of achievement and mastery .  2. Get her to do daily work sheets on " challenging your negative thoughts " Anxiety is created from fear producing thoughts . If she learns to exercise the " muscle " of intercepting her thoughts and challenging those thoughts with " where is the evidence ? " She will learn to empower herself to deal with her  sometimes precarious uncertain environment . Learning to self sooth and replace the negative catastrophic thinking with realist and positive thinking is imperative to anxiety management .  There are some great resources you can find online. Best of luck ! 😊   ... View more

Hi @eliis16@taokat boy do I relate to what you are experiencing as a parent of a  teen . I laugh because all of the behaviours you describe : lack of impulse control , emotional extortion , poor time management , no  accountability , mood swings , volatility , rudeness , selfishness , determined , headstrong  are  ALL my teen and she  HAS ZERO mental health issues lol 😂 So what's her bloody excuse ! Lol 😂  You are both dealing with a lot , much more than parents of teens without mental health issues and the need to create some emotional distance is a very bloody good idea !!  You will be not have enough strength to be the best parent you can be if you don't .  Children will suck you dry with their on going emotional manipulations  if you let them . It is important you self protect . Choosing your battles is imperative , choosing your reactions is also imperative and yes it's an on going work in progress . You will fail sometimes and unwittingly get caught up in their drama but keep at it and you will get better at it across time .  Guilt is not a parents best friend , and giving in to their emotional whims is  self sabotage !  Creating emotional distance ( despite what you want to do ) sends the message they cannot use this behaviour to get what they want , when they want it , and you save your sanity .  My mum did not create emotional distance from my brother ( who is bipolar ) and ended up with Schizophrenia.  - Yes that is what  chronic severe anxiety can morph into  if you are unable to extricate yourself from co - dependency and emotional emeshment  with someone who has  ongoing mental health problems . You have a right to be a healthy person before you are a parent - it's ok and it's not selfish        ... View more

Hi there @LovingThruBlue I had this crop up with my 16 year old . I told her that it's not ok to have them ( in a calm  strong  disapproving voice ) and that it is not to happen again . I also said they look awful and it's no-one else's business to see  evidence of her " intimacies " with her boyfriend anyway . She has a partime job and I said that her boss would not like her serving customers with it . She might lose shifts ( my daughter likes money ) She said she could hide it easily , I told her they are always still obvious and I could see hers was a love bite even after she had covered it . Luckily she did not get another one . If she had  got more , I have to say I would have been furious .  If she had come back with even one again I would have  not allowed her to see him until we had ALL  sat down and discussed it  with the boyfriend there . She would have  HATED this lol !!  How embarrassing ! I would have  even threatened to include his parents 😜 You have a right to decide if she can have them or not , she is 16  after all . If she is disobeying  you and so is he then they are not respecting you and do notbelieve  there will be any consequences .  Just remember to follow through if you do decide this is the consequence of them ignoring your wishes .   I realise your daughter suffers with severe depression ( I am so sorry to hear this ) but you still need her to step up and accept boundaries and respect your wishes .  Best of luck !  ... View more

@bradyblend @Beingme201 I think we all have the same daughter !! Lol  My daughter and son both complain that I favour one over the other - so I know I am doing the right thing lol !!   A 15 minute walk to school is NOTHING !  My daughter wallks 25 minutes to school. it's bloody good fro her , fresh air, exercise and a good chance for her to think about her goals for the day . I grew up in Wales , if  I had said  " I  can't walk to school Mum  because it is raining and cold " my mother would have laughed me out the door.  If you don't go out in the rain in Wales, you'd never leave the house.  Coat- umbrella-scarf and gloves. She can learn to keep her books at school. On the occasion she has extra load because of a presentation then maybe I will give her a lift but this grow legs too if you are not careful.  I've heard the lot : "You are Lazy Mum " , "You favour Cynan " , I will get saturated and get sick " . " I am sick today and need support ( lol ) ' Other kids get driven to school ". ' I have so much on, I am stressed can you take me ".  Unless its a  massive thunderstorm with lashing rain - she walks .    ... View more

Hi @indsg12, yes I think you would be well placed to find a " career counsellor for teens"  . I would suggest googling those three words and your suburb . Perhaps there is some online career coach/ counsellor you can hook your son up with . Online counselling is relatively cheap , too and  if they are not in your area it doesn't matter .   A couple of sessions should get his cogs turning . The school usually has a career counsellor , but they are not always that creative , a professional would be able to dig deeper and he would fill in questionnaires to guide him .  Best of luck !  ... View more

Hi @indsg12 . I have a teen going  through  this right now ! She is not a particularly academic  child so that makes it harder ! And she hates school ! We have had a talk about career path and she says she feels very stressed because everyone at school seems to be obsessed with decision making and she just has no ideas for her own pathway.  She seems to think that she must decide now . I tell her that many people don't know for years what they  want to be when they grow up and some like my husband still struggle .  My advice to her was this :  people transition through many careers nowadays . It is normal to have  2or 3 maybe even more careers through your entire career trajectory and even more jobs !  I went from an Arts degree to TV , to theatre , to teaching to counsellor !!  All jobs have  utilised part of my potential abilities .  Loved them all and felt they all were developing my skills .  So the best thing to do is rather than be paralysed by not knowing and do nothing , pick something that you are good at and enjoy . If you are good at it but hate it - it's a waste of your time .  How do you know  what you like at 15, 16, 17 ? Ask him this : Tell me something that you are doing where you forget about time ?  Where you go " oh God I need to stop this and go do..."  This  is when he is tapping into his authentic self . He  stops clock watching and is in his " flow " . It could be tennis  , reading, writing , video games , drawing , painting , doing maths ,  watching the news , talking to people about their feelings , organising social events , web site design ,  whatever it is ! Then extrapolate from that a possible career path . I would never advice anyone concentrate on a subject they are fab at  but don't enjoy . They will get sick of it .  Starting a degree in something , a vocational course in something  -and then either switching when they know what they want to do and get credit or finish the degree and build upon it .  I had a student I was counselling  who said he didn't know what to focus on at school , his dad wants him  to have a " great career " I said what do you find fun at school , he said languages and web coding and reading . There it is ! He started teaching himself  Chinese online , stepped up his reading and did some web coding at home .  Always always choose something that interests you rather than what you are good at , if it's both bonus !!  Career choice is an ongoing  , organic , unfolding  aspect of life , encourage him to see it as this rather than a decision made and kept forever .  Hope that helps !  ... View more

@Sophi-RO Thanks so much  I am so relieved to hear that !  I have been worried about it all day . Wonderful . X  ... View more

Hi @Sophi-RO , @TOM-RO knows the name of this person and I do too ( they wrote it on the page initially ) if we can track them down ? I really would like to know if he is ok ? I am concerned that as a forum when this kind of post  occurs we leave it up to the distressed person to contact an  appropriate emergency line , he may at that stage have been unable to do this ?  Perhaps  there is some way our moderators can alert the crisis service if this happens in the future ?  thanks 🙏  ... View more

Hi @Worrisome . So sorry to hear this ! It must be so hard to watch your kid become so disconnected from family life . Without knowing the full story , have you had a discussion with your husband about  your theory on why she stays in her room ? A fathers discipline when balanced with lots of love and attention should be an insulater to a child disconnecting so obviously and consistently. If she is keeping away from him maybe from her perspective there needs to be more positive interactions ? I don't want to sound like I am judging him as I am sure he is doing his best ,and I don't know your husband or your daughter  but if this is the reason she stays in her room, as you say  ; to avoid him , it might be a good idea to address this with your husband to find a solution .  Perhaps building on her relationship with her dad , could be a key that unlocks her door ?  Small steps like spending time doing fun things together , or  playing cards in her room with her while they drink  homemade smoothies ?? Anything to get them establishing trust and connection across time .  I wrote a reply to @Nervous about coping strategies for social anxiety too . Its under : Anxiety is contagious .  best of luck !  ... View more

Hi @HelpMe please let us know you are ok and you are getting the help you need ? We are very worried about you and hope that you were able to find the support you needed right now ?  ... View more

Good on you @Nervous ! So great to hear your daughter is smiling today ! It's something to be grateful for even if it's a small step . I think it's a terrific idea to go for a massage . You deserve some stress relief and to be pampered ! I'm so glad your husband is there to be a support too . Take care of yourself and best wishes to your family .  ... View more

@Nervous I'm so sorry to hear you are going through a crisis with your daughter . Please know that we are here to listen and support you . Christmas time is terrible for  getting professional support and  it's  often when things are at crisis point ! If you feel unable to cope any more and she is getting worse  stabilising please take her to emergency . They will admit her and you will have piece of mind knowing she is being kept safe and being monitored . She is very sick and may well need to be hospitalised . Medication can take up to 6 weeks to kick in , it's a tough transitional phase which must be exhausting for you !  Please take care of yourself as much as you can . Are there any friends or family you trust who can be with her sometimes to give you some respite ? You need to be able to recharge so you have the strength and energy to deal with this . It's a very tough time , well done for reaching out to us . You are doing a great job !  Thinking of you both at this awful time .  ... View more

Hi  , @HelpMe I just read your message and yes we are a forum for parents and teens , but I just wanted to say please stay with us .  You are important and you do matter . You have things yet to do in this world . Right now you are feeling really low and life seems as if it will never change  I get that , you must be in a really bad space . It must be awful for you  . I cannot imagine what it must be like to be alone at Christmas . So sorry to hear this !   You do not feel it now but do know that you can feel hopeful again . The past does not need to represent the future and when you are out of this pit you can start to makes some small manageable changes to a better life that includes those that are important to you . Please call Lifeline  immediately . ... View more

Hi @Nervous, I am so sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. I can't believe that someone/a business  would go over fees with you  3 times when  your daughter is in a crisis ! As counsellors and psychologists we have to prioritise  the client. I  am sure if she was bleeding profusely  in front of you then would not be asking for bloody paper work and fees  !  As a counsellor and Mum myself I  get so cross when mental illness is not give the critical immediate intervention it needs. I am sorry you had this experience , believe me we are not all like that !!   I am so sorry your daughter tied to kill herself you both must be in so much pain. I am so sorry you feel abandoned and alone in this . Please know we are here to listen to you rant and vent anytime you want. Keep being a squeaky wheel for your precious child, the health system is so underfunded that to get adequate care means you  have to be in their ear constantly, asking for what you need for your child to be safe.  Always make sure you tell them you are in a crisis because that is what they respond to most quickly.   My thoughts and deepest best wishes to you both . May your Christmas be a safe and peaceful one . Please let us know how you both are soon.   ... View more

Hi @Nervous, wow ! this must be really tough for you and your precious daughter !  It also must  be very draining emotionally to deal with it on a day to day basis. You must be exhausted. What is also hard is that as you become depleted your patience erodes and this compounds the situation for both of you I am sure . You are then not in a good frame of mind to deal with it as effectively as you could. It becomes a feedback loop that is hard to break !     You sound like a very caring parent who is doing the best they can ,good on you for reaching out to us. Some things to try with  her if you have not  done so already are :   1.Deep progressive relaxation - Progressive Muscle relaxation script  ( PMRS ) is a script that you follow to incrementally relax each part of the body.     This exercise you could do together for 10 minutes before she leave s for school and on the weekend for 10 minutes before she has a social event. This will not work straight away, she will build up this " muscle " across time .   2.  Mindfulness meditation : "Smiling Mind" has a child friendly app that she can keep on her phone or your phone. I  do it with my son sometimes. Remember she will not get results straight away the benefits are accumulative across time. So she will have to be patient.   3. Depp breathing : There is a worksheet for this on the same link I  gave you above.   4. Challenging anxious thoughts : Most of our anxiety when it is  crippling and stops us from functioning well comes from a tape of messages we tell ourselves. Catastrophic thinking is a part of this. Rarely is there evidence for the negative thoughts we have. Many are irrational fears of " what if" . This worksheet will get your daughter to practice  catching and challenging her irrational negative thoughts with the question so .... " where is the evidence for this ? " The worksheet for this is on this therapist aid website too. It caters for teens beautifully.    5. Get her to challenge herself to achieve small feats. : Walking down the street with the dog for 10 minutes  saying hi to a  passerby and coming home. Next time she could pop into the shops  try on some clothes and come back to you. What ever her scariest environments are still with them in small doses.   Avoiding them will not see her grow or master this anxiety. With your help I am sure she could make some inroads. This all takes time  and regular goals. Have some rewards perhaps for small achievements she makes over time, to keep the enthusiasm and momentum going.  Teens love rewards !! lol Best of luck . You are doing a great job !  ... View more

Hi @Nervous I am not sure what you are saying here . Are you asking if the psychologist and psychiatrist can give you the right referral paperwork from their sessions with you already bought  to get your money back from Medicare ? The psychologist and pyschiatrist  you are seeing should be able to tell you this ? Most are under the mental health  care plan scheme . If they are not :  My advice :   Go to your GP  FIRST and get a 10 session mental health care plan , they can refer you to which ever Psych you decide upon or ones they know are good .  You can also get another 4 after this if you are still needing more sessions . You can ask if they can refer you back to the psychs  you are seeing if these psychs are registered with the plan . Some psychs under this plan are free others charge  you the gap . Most Psychs charge around $ 200 per session , you will probably be expected to pay half or a portion depending on your income capability  . Headspace usually gets you to pay a portion . The rest Medicare covers .  Paying for both full cost is exhorbitant !!  Hope this helps and good luck !! Merry Christmas !  ... View more

Hi  @Sophi-RO Is this only for  people based in Sydney ? I live in Melbourne . I am a qualified registered counsellor of  teens and parents as well as a prolific scribe here ! Lol this role would b great for me !  ... View more

Hi  @Sophi-RO Is this only for  people based in Sydney ? I live in Melbourne . I am a counsellor of  teens and parents as well as a prolific scribe here ! Lol this role would b great for me !  ... View more

Hi there @Hurtingheart . I am so sorry to hear that your sons father has had such a huge influence on his life out of the blue that he now wants to reject you . This must  be like knife to the heart . Then to lose your beloved pet as well !! When we experience  a double loss it's impact can be profound and overwhelming , we can feel as if we are drowning in the pain and unable to function or think of a positive future . Please could you give us some more details of what has transpired between you and your son to influence this  change ? Have you two been battling lately ?  Is your son angry about past events between you that have not been resolved ? You sound as if you need a lot of support at the moment and we are hear for you so please keep in contact . 😊 ... View more

Awwwww @taokat  sad to hear that @Ngaio-RO , you were my first encounter at Reach Out and you were fabulous !! Supportive and encouraging . I wish the best for  you in your new ventures . Cheers and Merry Christmas !  ... View more

Hi Jo Anne , my heart goes out to you . This is a parents greatest fear . There is a saying "you only ever as happy as your unhappiest child " and when they hurt we hurt even more . Your worry must be enormous . Some food for thought : 1. Without knowing her psychologist , I would say is she seeing someone she really " connects " with . A counsellor maybe better than a psychologist as they may have the interpersonal skilled repatoire for getting inside her head and delving deeply .  Connection with your therapist is one if the greatest predictors of better outcomes with depression .   2. Medication . There maybe another medication that is a better " fit " . Don't give up on it . If her depression is biochemical then no amount of " cheering her up and telling her to push through it is going to work . It's like wading through fog . She's going to need a baseline of wellbeing from which she can work from . Otherwise it will feel insurmountable .  3 The suicidal ideation . Keep trying to get through to her the importance of her telling you when she is having suicidal thoughts . If she knows this is the illness talking and she needs to protect herself from it , she will be more inclined to let you know when they surface . Tell her it's like a wave , that you will ride with her . Understanding that  she has clouded judgement because she is  mentally unwell will help her to separate the thoughts from triggering behaviours that are harmful , and she can seek you out in that fleeting moment of clarity .    4  Please take care of yourself . Make sure you have time with friends and family , and someone you can offload with. Get close family to be with her sometimes to share the load and  give you a break .    . If she has a Mum like you on her journey she will get there . Don't despair and don't give up .  Keep searching for help and answers . Love and support to you both  ... View more

Hi @kopykat So sorry to hear you are having such a terrible time with your 15 year old son . This sounds like a huge  burden and  ongoing worry and stress for everyone in your family . You must be exhausted and at your wits end .  Some food for thought  and I don't want to sound judgemental or critical of your parenting style but there were some things that jumped out at me . You said you have referrals to a Psychologist  but " he won't go " . He has to go and you have to make him go even if you and your husband force him to go . He is 15 , you  are the parents and he is calling the shots - that's not on . Kids will act out to see what they can get away with and at the moment in your home the tail is wagging the dog .  You have a responsibility as his parents to get him help if you can't  manage him , he can't make his own decisions about his wellbeing at 15 .  If he refuses to get into the car , then there must be consequences : Take away his internet . i. e take the computer and hide it , and watch him in the kitchen doing his homework on it , then hide it again after he has finished . He can't hack a computer or any other device he does not have access to ,   ground him if you have to ,  whatever his currency is . My feeling here is that he has been ruling the roost and he knows it .He knows you both are a push over .  He will up the ante at first and may get worse to " bully " and intimidate or scare you into compliance , do not buy into it .  Stay with your decision and repeat your requests  calmly and consistently with a clear modus operandi  that he is fully briefed on beforehand if he does not comply .  Once you get him to the  Psychologist room let them do their work to get him to open up . If you pick a Psych who speciliases in teen issues , HeadSpace perhaps , they will work on getting him to open up ..(  perhaps Google teens and counselling in your area ) A GP does not have the counselling skills to  get inside his head , a simple " I'm ok " will not cut it with a good Psychologist. If he does no talking in the session , just take him back again the next week and the next until he does . They are trained to work will sullen non- communicative teens . Keep at it ! As long as you are dragging him to the alter eventually there will be a break through - tough gig but well worth the stress in the end .    He needs to be assessed by a CLINICAL  Psychologist  . Someone who can recognise mental illness and it's  symptoms  thoroughly and the ability to prescribe meds if necessary ( last  treatment resort for most teens ) Some of these behaviours do not seem like " normal " teen rebellion and risk taking  to me . They maybe signs of  possible depression , anxiety  , or other mood disorders or a personality disorder .  He may have self esteem issues . Thus he may well be acting out , emotional  eating , and is on a pathway to self medication if he is not diagnosed and treated soon . Do not let it escalate any further as the longer you take to get him proper diagnostic treatment he will get worse , then he will be 18 and you do not have a hope in hell of  having any control over his choices and his behaviours and habits  and they may well  solidify  into addictions  and serious long term mental health problems .  You are in a position to make huge changes for him now , early intervention is the key and well done to you and your husband for wanting to support and love him through this .  Sit with your husband and work out a plan of action . Have a contingency plan for when refuses , and stick to it .  Best of luck to you ! I hope you find help really soon . 😊     ... View more

Hi there @Lou2017 so sorry to hear you at odds with your son and the final straw was you grounded him for six months. Boy he certainly pushed you to your limits. Kudos to you for sticking to your penalty despite the fact that you now feel it might be a bit harsh lol !! I have done the same, once I have cooled down ! The fact that he is begging you everyday and you are sticking to it shows me you and strong and conscientious Mum well done you !  My suggestion would be to stick to it now you have " survived " the first month .However, if you feel that you are in a position to say that his behaviour  has been so good that you are thinking of re-negotiating after 3 months then do so.  However, make sure he knows you are waiting to see how things pan out for the moment . Nothing is set in stone. Make this clear and you have a strong bargaining chip and it comes from a position of power not weakness. It is imperative you find out what is behind the negative behaviours. If he feels that you and his step dad favour the girls this needs to be acknowledged and validated even if its not true. Its great that he has managed to express this to you ! Wow that is awesome. Work on that with him.  What do you both do/not do that gives him this message ? What could you do differently ? What would he like to see change for him to feel loved and respected the same as the girls ?  It is important that all children get special one to one time with each parent to feel they are loved equally. Maybe your husband is unknowingly subconsciously favouring the girls ? To a degree this would be understandable, as they are  his biological children and although step parents hate to admit it, it happens.  Its not something to be ashamed of or refuse to acknowledge, better to own it and work on the relationship with that child a little more consciously . Hi step dad spending "boy" time with him might help this.  Your son, has the added burden of maybe feeling rejected by his birth dad.  He may not think it consciously even but if the girls have a great relationship with their dad- he might well think where is my bio dad, why  is he not in my life like the girls dad is ?  These are questions to explore with your son. It might be a little confronting  for you and your husband but if you start slowly and incrementally across time it might make it less so.  Very little of our behaviours are just down to personality and bad attitude. There are always core beliefs and ongoing messages that we send to our children ( often unwittingly ) that  set the status quo  and are often fueled by other issues outside  the family arena . They add to the mix and get in the way of  harmonious relationships and getting on with our life in a positive way.  Let us know how you go !        ... View more

Hi @Neko1216 I agree with everyone 's advice .  What about also,  casually , when you are chatting , tell him a story of animal cruelty that you read in the news or heard from a friend , and how it upset you , what bothered you  the most and your view on it , then ask him his opinion . It may open a discussion that gets him thinking . 😊 ... View more