Hi everyone that has been kind enough to spend time to respond to my plea and give some great advice - I appreciate it. We have tried family therapy but our son believes it is our problem only and if we let him do what he wants when he wants there would simply be no issue!!! If only life were that easy!! We don’t have family or close friends in the area as we are relatively new to Australia but we are looking into extra support and hope that works. I will try & resist asking him to leave at 16 but I doubt I’ll go beyond 17/18. I need to find peace again! Any tips on how to deal with it when he starts to abuse and torment would be appreciated! I struggle with that the most...and I know people say continue to show love but I’m actually not overly keen on him anymore as he’s put us thru too much - I have no idea how to show love when often i don’t even like him.....(afraid the text books etc are just not realistic!) Thank you again
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Hi Breez-Ro Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it. Yep, over the years we have tried several parenting courses and our son has been on a number of "courses" - sadly nothing has helped. His attitude is unique! Therapists seem to be confused as what to say and the most recent one said she really didn't know what else to suggest apart from boarding school (not financially possible). They have suggested many ways of dealing with the issues but our son continually denies any issue and thinks everyone else (us, friends, teachers, etc) is too blame for his behaviour and never him - he never ever takes responsibility for his behaviour or actions. We have tried every approach every text book and every professional has ever suggested - all to no avail. So, Yes, sadly life was much better before he was around. I can't recall a time he made me happy for very long or even proud .... As bad as it sounds, he does now know how I feel as we just don't get along and clash constantly. Even in the "quieter" times, I have huge mistrust of him (he continually lies) and I struggle with his negative, mean personality. I do think he has low self confidence but no matter how much we try and praise (occasionally) it makes no difference. I accept our situation is not as bad as it is for some people so I hate to complain but I really just want to find some peace, calm and happiness. We are older than the average parents and ready for our lives back.....
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I would like my son to leave home at 16yo. He has RAD, ODD, anxiety (although helped by meds) he is rude, defiant, disruptive at school and home, cocky, pathological liar, actually enjoys being nasty to me and his Dad (his own admission) and frankly, after 10+ years of this, we have had enough. He's 15 and we would like to plan for him to leave home at 16.
We have provided all the love and care we can and we are now at the end of our tether.
He has no siblings and we have no extended family here - we want our lives to have some happy times again (before he came along). friends know what he's like and can't help.
We have seen 7 different psychologists over the years and he's under the "care" of a specialist child medical service however all professionals have said they are tried everything and don't know what else to suggest. He has been in trouble with the police but they say they can't do anything to help and referred us to child services who also said they can't help as we not an "extreme case" despite our son regularly threatening us and being abusive towards us. Me and my husband are both on medication due to ill health in dealing with stress.
Our option now is to ask him to leave at 16yo but how can this be done so he's still safe. any help appreciated - thank you.
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