My 16 years old son just keep playing online game 24/ 7and i tried everything didn't work.

[Zarazara1]

My 16 years old son just keep playing online game 24/ 7and i tried everything didn't work.I tried to set the time didn't work i got his phone at night time and his computer at night time didn't work as his attitude toward me changed and got so angry and i didn't want the respect that he always has beak between us.I need help if anyone experiencing the same thing.Someone told me give his freedom back he will wake up and stop playing one day i did listen to the advice last week and he started to clean up at home and take the garbage out!

I need to know if i am doing the right things as he is going grade 11 next year he was always good student but his grade did dropped grade 10 a bit.He tell me that he knows what he is doing and i should leave him to make decision and he will study when the school start again.I am open to any advice.

Thanks

[Dad4good]

Hey @Zarazara1 ,

Thanks for coming online and sharing, I know there are many caregivers who are struggling with this, me included!

In our house, we turn off the wi-fi and that works (my kids don't have enough data to waste).

I think you raised a really good point when you said "Someone told me give his freedom back he will wake up and stop playing one day i did listen to the advice last week and he started to clean up at home and take the garbage out!"

Why do you think your son responded so well to that? 

[Zarazara1]

Hi Dad4good,

Thanks for the reply, you know i tried the wifi things but he is in this period of his life that he wants to make decision bout his life and i am a very discipline mom a recently i figured out everything i say he does otherwise .so i decided to change my method and told him from now i believe you are old enough to chose the right path in your life and school work so i am going to trust you to do well .its been a week he respects me more and do some work at home while i am out .I don't know maybe he changes in the better way as i don't want him to think i am his enemy.hope for the best.
Thanks

[Dad4good]

Really good point @Zarazara1 !!!!

Last year I saw a graph showing how much influence parents have over the childhood/teenage years. Basically, our primary role is being a 'consultant' (give them a run-down of the various options and then hand the responsibility over to them).

Great to see you have done this so successfully!!!

Its just so hard . . . and scary!

[Zarazara1]

It is so scary and hard you right, seeing him keep playing none stop; however I have no option and decided to suffer and let him to find his way and I am expecting his good grade in the most important year of his life goes down but he learn to deal with the outcome of his action down the road. I am giving myself hope he might do well this year but if he didn't stop playing online game i let him to deal with it.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Zarazara1,

I think both yourself and @Dad4good have touched on some really interesting points around building your teens decision making capacity. Making choices, and learning to live with the consequences/outcomes of those choices, is a really important learning curve for teens.

Reading back through the last few posts, it sounds like you have tried a number of different approaches to his online gaming behaviours. I would be interested to hear how you go over the coming weeks and if there are any other thoughts you can share with our community from your experience- this is a topic close the experience of so many of our parents!

[Zarazara1]

Hi Jess1-RO,

I am so happy there are people who think i might be doing the right thing and thank you for the reply.

I definitely share my experience as i know there are parents like me who are struggling with their kids about online game and computer and cell phone, sometimes I think teen don't even hear us, be honest with you I thought maybe he feels the same way and I did start hear him better now and once in a while he comes out of his room and says something that's seems funny to him but might not be funny for me but I do listen now better and I do pretend its funny.
I do not expect things change soon i am sure by September I will find out because the school starts then and i will see him making decisions.
His behaviours has already changed toward me and I see he starts to feed himself more now and getting jelouse too as i decided to spend more time outside the home for myself finally.
He starts to answer my phone which he alway texted me back because didn't want to be interrupted on middle of his the game.
To me these are hope, maybe is small things but is big for me.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Zarazara1 I definitely agree that it's the small steps everyday that lead to big change, and it sounds like there are a few good signs that your son is connecting more, and responding the increase in freedoms/trust you have given him to arrange his day. 

I can hear you are making a really big effort to connect with him more on topics he's interested in, like sharing his jokes- this is really great! We definitely share that hope with you that over time, day by day the small steps will combine to see things improving for your family