Teen daughter causing issue while trying to blend a family

[Sadandlost]

I have a 16yr old daughter that’s been in my full time care for 8 years. He mother was not nice but now she has passed away. My partner and her kids (13 and 8) and we are planning to move her into my (our) house. Though my daughter is making things very difficult… passive aggressive, not making my partner or the kids feel welcome when they come over, not participating when we go to the partners house etc. I’ve tried speaking to her and am trying to work through what her concerns are but she still is making everyone feel awkward when she is around. I need help. My partner and I love each other but she is having second thoughts as she doesn’t feel comfortable or welcome.

[KariBJ]

Hi, oh gosh been through something very similar! So can definitely relate! Ask yourself WHY do you think your daughter is behaving this way? Start from there, it’s a puzzle that slowly over time you can piece together. I work with mums 1:1 to help them have better relationships with their daughters. It’s a balance somewhere you need to meet in the middle, it’s not easy, and you may not like hearing this but i’m afraid it starts with you, as that’s what what I learnt. Of course not everyone situation is the same and there are always lots of different underlying factors but still we are half of the puzzle.

[Courtney-RO]

Hi @Sadandlost and Welcome to our Online community!

Thank you for sharing a little bit about your situation with us. It sounds like it has been both an exciting and challenging time for you and your family. Exciting in the sense that you are working towards the next step in your relationship, but challenging in that you are now having to balance all these additional feelings. It really does sound like a lot to be dealing with right now.

After reading your post, I am wondering what your relationship was like with your daughter, prior to the news of your partner and their children moving in? You mentioned that you have tried speaking to her, so I was just wondering if she was able to share some of these concerns with you or whether she might be open to sharing more about what you could do to help her?

If you are interested in having a bit of a read, The Raising Children's Network have a number of articles on Blended families, building strong relationships and also Setting rules and boundaries in blended families. I wonder if maybe they might be able to give you some idea on things you could try. Do you think they might be helpful at all?

I am also wondering how you are taking care of yourself? With so much going on right now, I want to remind you that you're important too.

We are all here for you.

P.s Just a little note to let you know that I moved your post as I felt that it deserved a space for itself and would be easier to find by other community members.