how do other parents deal with sisters constantly bickering and fighting, to the point of scratching

[momof2girls]

My daughters are 10 and 12. Can be the best of friends sometimes. Then other times, the bickering and arguing is non stop and sometimes escalates to scratching. My 12 year old has two scars from the 10, but the 12 is no angel. I am frustrated. Any thoughts/suggestions?

[Ngaio-RO]

Hi @momof2girls Welcome to ReachOut Parents!

Siblings fighting with each other is often the biggest area of conflict in a home. It seems no matter how relaxed or calm the parents are, siblings will argue. And it seems to make a weird sense when you watch nature documentaries and all the baby animals fight with their siblings.

But there's a point when it starts to become both dangerous and affecting to the household. There are definitely things you can do. The video you posted under has some great tips, as does this section here.

I'd love to hear from @ChilliDawg and @HalleysComet with any suggestions they might have.

[Rubinator]

Hey @momof2girls

I struggle with this one too. Mostly because my middle child, who is 13 years old, picks on her little brother who is 8. They fight and sometimes he holds his own but often she just goads him for what seems like her own entertainment. It's very upsetting. Especially when they seem to hurt each other, Which it sounds like you have with your girls.

I definitely believe in intervening and time outs. I know some parents think that letting them work it out is the best idea but my opinion is, once people start hitting they no longer know how to resolve the conflict. So I will seperate them.

I never choose sides, even when it's abundantly clear that one is wrong! I will always listen to their story without accusing them of anything. But I also try and steer them away from the details. As in, if one is telling me the story behind why they hit the other I will get them to focus on how it's not ok to hurt someone else, ever, and then discuss when they needed to come get me instead.

What things do you usually try @momof2girls?

[Elena]

It is difficult as each child thinks you favour the other one. I used to tell them that their sister was the person that would be closest to them when they grew just a bit older, sisters have all their upbringing and environment in common even if they are quite different in personality. And it actually happened. They are very close now, but I'm not sure if telling them this helped!