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[Babycat]

1. I have four kids aged 16, almost 14 and twin 11 year olds. They all have very quirky humour and enjoy sharing their ‘dad jokes’ with everyone 😊

I’m not very successful at keeping my stress levels down at the moment, the only thing I do is sit with my dog and scroll silly clips on my phone!

Searching for information on school refusal and autism and PDA.

No top tip for parents about to enter the teenage years with their kids as I don’t feel I’ve done that very successfully so far, I’ve come here to learn some tips for myself!

The best thing about weekends is not having to battle with trying to get my school refuser to school.

[Astra-RO]

Welcome to the parents and carers community @Babycat and thanks for reaching out for support.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate looking after 4 kids and that in itself is a pretty big thing— I'm wondering if you might be being a little bit hard on yourself saying you haven't been successful so far? 

I can hear you've been struggling with your stress levels and are looking for advice around supporting your kids. Sitting with your dog and watching silly clips sounds like a great self-care strategy, do you find this helps with your stress levels? We have an article on self-care here which you might find helpful if you're looking for some more ideas. I'm also wondering if you have anyone supporting you at the moment who you feel able to talk with about the stress?

It sounds incredibly stressful battling with your school refuser every weekday so I'm glad you're reaching out for support. We have a collection of articles on school refusal here if that could be helpful. Otherwise, if you're looking for 1:1 support, ReachOut also has a coaching service, or you might like to check out Parentline. 

In terms of navigating autism and PDA, it may be helpful seeking advice from a professional. Otherwise, a service like Autism Connect might be able to offer you some resources and information about this. There are also some tips from reframing autism on supporting someone with PDA, and raising children also have some general information on autism which may be helpful.

In terms of navigating the teen years, was there anything specifically you were looking for tips around?

I hope these articles are helpful and you find the community a safe and supportive place.

[ms_alwayssad]

Hey Babycat,

Brave mumma! Even when you feel like you didn’t quite win in a moment, be gentle on yourself. I have only 3 but varying neurodivergents and have had varying degrees of success with strategies. Sometimes one strategy will work and then other times not. 

Take each moment at a time. I have a box of mindfulness cards we can look through to wind down, if we forget what will work.

Find out their strengths and focus on those, praising the moments when the good things happen. Help them raise their self-esteem with activities they like or are good at.

Is there a specific reason for the school refusal? Is there a well-being team at school? Can some adjustments be made so your child can feel more supported at school? Is their a way you can help your child be able to advocate for themselves while at school, so they feel more heard?

[Babycat]

Thank you @Astra-RO for the welcome, I am definitely struggling with my stress levels at the moment and finding time for self care is certainly very difficult between juggling work and all four kids. I do see a Counsellor, but have reached the end of my MHP for this year so trying to fit in a time to get a new care plan done so I can get some more support! Very difficult when I have a constant companion with me every day.

I will definitely check out the articles on school refusal.

For the teens, my 16 yr old has had 3 years of bullying and has now been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression after reaching crisis this year and my almost 14 yr old ‘hates’ being part of this family and threatens to run away and only comes out for dinner and that’s it.

[Babycat]

@Ms.alwayssad thank you!

The school refusal is due to her anxiety and issues within her social group and her feeling of not being heard. I’ve been working with the school on a daily basis and some days feel like they’re supporting us and then other days it’s like they have no idea! Her classroom teacher especially just doesn’t understand how to be neuroaffirming at all no matter how many conversations are had with her, this means I just get total refusal for any class she has with her, some days I can get her in for some of her specialists but recess and lunchtime prove too difficult because of one particular student who seems to target her.

Because of her severe anxiety and autism she is really unable to advocate for herself unfortunately.

[Bel_RO]

Hey @Babycat , 

Thank you for responding so soon! I’d like to jump in here and acknowledging the efforts you have made not only to support your children but also supporting yourself during this time. It highlights your resilience and your determination which is absolutely incredible!

 It sounds like you are going through a lot with your two eldest children, which I can hear is quite stressful for you understandably. This would be challenging to navigate, so I am relieved to know that the school is supporting you and your 16-year-old, and that you are supported by a counsellor. In case you are interested in additional support, @Astra-RO included a link to ReachOut’s Parent Coaching sessions. These are 1:1 support sessions that are free for parents and carers of young people aged 12 to 18.

I hope the resources suggested by @Astra-RO are helpful for you and hope that you feel supported around this within the community! 

[Hope_4]

1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh?
We have a almost 18 y/o son and almost 16 y/o daughter. My daughter is why we are reaching out. She loves beauty and makeup. She recently made me laugh making her self up with clown makeup.
2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down
I escape in to my work. Watch TV or phone.
3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today? Our daughter has recently been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and I suspect the companioning condition of Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). She is taking part in risky behaviours and I suspect she has a "friend" who is influencing this with drugs and unsafe environments. She constantly lies and defies us. We are scared for her and want to keep her safe.
4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years? Don't just put moods and behaviours down to puberty or hormones. It turns out there were more complexities at hand. Try and seek help even if you think you don't need it.
5. Whats the best thing about weekends? At this stage I fear weekends because that is when risky behaviours happen and lies are told to cover them up.

[Lily_RO]

Hi @Hope_4, welcome to the ReachOut community!

Thank you for sharing about your family and your situation. It sounds like you're in an incredibly tough situation with your daughter. It’s understandable to feel worried about the choices she is making right now. The risky behaviours and potential influences from friends sound very unsettling, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to see her lying and pushing back. It’s clear that you care deeply for her and want to keep her safe.

It’s wonderful to hear that you’re able to share laughter with your daughter amid the stressful moments. 

I'm wondering if your daughter currently has any specific supports for managing her recent ADHD diagnosis and risky behaviours? Were any services recommended for your daughter as part of her assessment?

I’m also wondering whether you have any supports for yourself during this time. 

If you are interested in additional support, I wanted to link with in with ReachOut’s Parent Coaching service. These are 1:1 support sessions that are free for parents and carers of young people aged 12 to 18. Parent Line also provides counselling and support to parents in NSW with children aged 0-18 via telephone. 

If you're looking for more specific support or advice, feel free to make your own thread sharing more about your situation  

[Hope_4]

Thanks Lily, my daughter was only diagnosed 9 weeks ago and I am still waiting for the report so I can see a paediatrician about medication. Her physiologist hasn't suggested any specific supports for managing her ADHD so I have been researching what help is out there. This is how I cam across ReachOut. I will definitely be.booking a parent coaching session with my husband within this week.

[Bailey_RO]

Hey @Hope_4 

It is great to hear that you will be booking in a coaching session this week!

I know you mentioned that you were researching around ADHD, and I thought I would share a post we have here around ADHD as well as a collection of resources we have here. I thought you might find these helpful to have a read through.

We also have a youth community here which your daughter may be interested in joining. We have some spaces specifically for our neurodivergent community. We also have some resources around ADHD for young people here.

Take care and all the best with the coaching service.