Step kids

[Savan90]

My partner and I have been together for 5 years he has a 15 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. I have had troubles with each of them but mainly with his son. He is adhd but his dad chooses not to medicate him when he is with us. We used to have him every 2 nd weekend but for the last 4 month he has lived with us full time.
My step son has always had a problem with me often saying that he wishes me and his dad would break up so his mum and dad can get back together ( mind you they haven’t been together since he was 2) he argues with me about everything and if I say no he runs to his dad who then says yes, this causes me to get cranky and say something to my stepson and then my partner yells at me like I’m causing fights.
I’m genuinely scared when I am with him he is so out of control and nasty to me but as soon as he hears his father come home he is straight in to apologise before I can tell my partner what he has done. I am literally at my wits end I don’t know what to do. I love my partner but this kid is causing me to distance myself and think the most horrible thoughts about myself

[Hannah_RO]

Hi @Savan90, 

Welcome We are so glad that you have found your way to the forums, we’re here to support you.

Thank you for sharing a little bit about your situation with us. It sounds like it has been a challenging time for you while you adjust to your partner’s children living with you full-time. Blended families can be really challenging. Although in saying that, step parents can also be such important figures in childrens’ lives, and it really does sound like you are someone who is dedicated to being the best step parent you can be. 

I can hear that things have really been taking a toll on your relationship with your partner, which makes things feel all the more difficult. I imagine it’s especially hard during the times when it feels like your partner isn't having your back when it comes to making decisions as parents. I’m wondering if you have been able to talk with your partner about how this has been making you feel?

I thought it might reassure you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way, we’ve had many posts on the forums about step-families sharing frustrations similar to yours. We had a psychologist respond to one of these posts in our Ask a Professional section, if you’re interested in having a read you can find it here. There might be some helpful tips. 

ReachOut has some great resources on how to navigate being a step-parent here, and another on blended families here. Another great website is the Raising Children’s Network, they have a range of articles on blended families, have a look here if you’re interested. I wonder if any of these articles might be helpful to your situation? 

I thought it might also be worth mentioning that ReachOut offers free one-on-one support with an experienced professional for parents looking to navigate parenting. You can find more information on this service here if this is something you might be interested in. 

With the challenges you have been facing recently, I am also wondering if you have support for yourself? Is there someone you can talk with about this, such as a trusted family member/friend? Talking to a mental health professional such as a counsellor about this can also be really helpful, is this something you have ever considered? Please feel free to let us know if finding a mental health professional is something you would like guidance on 

Thank you again for sharing what has been going on for you, it takes courage.