TW: New member

[Empty]

I have 5 kids 2 young adults that haven’t spoken to me since their teens. A teen girl who’s turned to strangers and sexual messaging for attention self harms and hates n resents me and her young siblings who are in primary school. Iv failed my oldest 3. I parented differently my 2 oldest lets call it old school and different era. For fear of failing the same way i let boundaries slide have to much online privacy and am emotionally unavailable. I don’t even know how to word this anymore

[Chloe-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @Empty ,

It sounds like an incredibly difficult place you are in. We are so glad you have reached out. It's important you have the opportunity to connect with a community and perhaps share some common concerns. I can hear how worried you are and you feel as though you have 'failed' your eldest 3. At the same time, there comes a time when teenagers tend to make their own choices. This does not necessarily mean you have 'failed'. 

Perhaps it's also an opportunity to speak to your younger children about online safety? You may be interested in reading this article about how parents can support their children in navigating the online world. As adults, we sometimes feel we need to be a step ahead, especially when it comes to technology. If you have questions about how to further support your children, you may want to speak to a counsellor on Parentline. ReachOut also has free 1:1 coaching service for parents which may be helpful for you.

Above all, do you have supports in place for yourself? You mentioned that you feel "emotionally unavailable". Do you think talking through some of this with a professional may be helpful, whether it be with a GP, counsellor, or psychologist? Self-care is certainly of utmost importance at this time.

Parenting can be hard at the best of times. When things get tough, it doesn't mean you have 'failed' or you are 'no good' as a parent. If anything, it shows incredible resilience and courage.

We encourage you to continue connecting with the ReachOut community here. I'll also be sending you an email shortly so keep look out for it

[Akitten]

Hi @Empty , my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you’ve tried really hard, that you saw what wasn’t working with your parenting style for your eldest two so tried something different with your other kids. You cared enough to reflect on what you could’ve done differently and then tried something different. Which shows me that you are trying to be the best parent possible.

It is soooooooooooooo hard being a parent. And it is so easy for others to give advice, yet there are so many factors and variables that come into play: each child’s personality and sensitivities, financial resources, the level of practical support we get (or don’t get) as parents, the emotional support we get (or don’t get) as parents.

I wish there was something I could suggest that would make an immediate difference for you.

It’s so true that it takes a community to raise a child. We as parents need a community of people who have our back. And so few of us single parents have a large enough community.

I’m here for you. I care about you. I’ll be part of your online community x

[Chloe-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @Empty ,

It sounds like an incredibly difficult place you are in. We are so glad you have reached out. It's important you have the opportunity to connect with a community and perhaps share some common concerns. I can hear how worried you are and you feel as though you have 'failed' your eldest 3. At the same time, there comes a time when teenagers tend to make their own choices. This does not necessarily mean you have 'failed'. 

Perhaps it's also an opportunity to speak to your younger children about online safety? You may be interested in reading this article about how parents can support their children in navigating the online world. As adults, we sometimes feel we need to be a step ahead, especially when it comes to technology. If you have questions about how to further support your children, you may want to speak to a counsellor on Parentline. ReachOut also has free 1:1 coaching service for parents which may be helpful for you.

Above all, do you have supports in place for yourself? You mentioned that you feel "emotionally unavailable". Do you think talking through some of this with a professional may be helpful, whether it be with a GP, counsellor, or psychologist? Self-care is certainly of utmost importance at this time.

Parenting can be hard at the best of times. When things get tough, it doesn't mean you have 'failed' or you are 'no good' as a parent. If anything, it shows incredible resilience and courage.

We encourage you to continue connecting with the ReachOut community here. I'll also be sending you an email shortly so keep look out for it