12-01-2021 05:53 PM - last edited on 12-06-2021 01:01 PM by Philippa-RO
My recently turned 16 girl whom lives my wife & went to spend a few extra days with her mother & never came back. The mother has mental illness & substance abuse problems and has been in the background for many years.
We understand our teens motivations sit in the the mothers willingness to change school. It seems their deal is mother provides new school, child must live with mother and have no contact with the dad or any other family member.
We have seen or spoken to our daughter since early September.
We know she is relatively safe and cant change much at the moment. The mother will not assist regardless of Court Orders.
I'm really concerned about the impacts of the coersion that's gone on. It feels like she's been radicalized.
How can we find ways to connect?
12-02-2021 04:35 PM
This sound like a heart-wrenching position to be in @JB700 thank you for opening up about it and asking what you can do to connect. It’s clear that you’re a caring parent and are doing everything in your power to remain present in your daughter’s life.
We have a bunch of content about how to navigate family conflict which you might find helpful to take a look at. This page has videos and articles on how to support your teen through family conflict. We also have a one-on-one support service for parents which you can register for here.
I’m wondering if you have legal advice during this time? If not we’d be happy to send through some resources for you to look at it if you think that would be helpful.
Let us know if there's anything more we can do to support you through this tough time.
12-02-2021 09:40 PM - last edited on 12-03-2021 01:12 PM by Bre-RO
Thank you for your response. Things have got a lot worse. I have registered and made an appointment for next week in response to your email and I hope it will be helpful.
Substance use combined with mental health challenges are difficult to navigate for any parent yet alone any child.
I know what my legal choices are. Ultimately parents or parenting have no 'right' or legal standing. At some point in time I will seek to rely upon the Family Court to protect my child, as the Court has done in the past.
I think parent's come to this place to vent, to seek support and advice and to warn.
I have the capactity to step back, it hurts, it goes against my instincts under the circumstances.
I don't wonder whether I am the only father or mother whom addressed consent and equality with thier child only to have thrown back at them?
12-03-2021 01:24 PM
Hi there @JB700
It's not good to hear that things have got a lot worse. I hope the one-on-one support service is helpful - it sounds like it would be a relief to chat with someone about how this situation is impacting yourself and your daughter.
I agree that parents come here to vent and seek support - please feel free to continue sharing what is going on for you if it helps.
The hurt you are going through is something I know other parents here would relate to. As you said it goes against your parental instinct to step back. Can I ask if you have a support network around you at this time?
I also wanted to let you know that I made an edit to your post in line with our community guidelines. If you have any questions at all feel free to ask.