Event: Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Child - A Parent's Perspective
Discussion forum for parents in Australia
Hello lovely parents and carers!
Sydney, Australia is currently playing host to World Pride 2023, which is an international celebration of the LGBTQIA+ community that showcases the resilience and courage of the queer community in our continuing struggle for acceptance and equality.
While there is a lot to love about being LGBTQIA+, it's not always an easy road. The process of discovering who you are can be confusing, and sharing that part of yourself with others can be a stigmatising and lonely experience, especially as a young person.
As a parent, you often share in your child's victories, defeats, and heartaches. When they're happy and well, you can rest easy, and when they are hurting, you want to make it better for them as best you can. So, how do you support your teen when they tell you they're LGBTQIA+? How do you protect them from the challenges that come with being a minority?
This week, we will be joined by two very special guests to discuss their experiences of raising an LGBTQIA+ young person.
Matt and Lainie have been married for 28 years and have two daughters, one of whom happens to be me!
I identify as a lesbian, and came out to my parents in high school almost 10 years ago. They were incredibly supportive, and always made me feel accepted for who I am, regardless of who I love.
In honour of World Pride, they'll be sharing their side of my coming out story, and offering their top tips for raising a young person who happens to be part of the queer community. They'll offer insight into what it was like parenting a queer young person in a rural area, how they supported me when I felt isolated or rejected, and how they navigated the uncertainty of raising a gay daughter when they'd never had that experience themselves.
Join us on Thursday March 2nd from 7-8:30pm to hear Matt and Lainie's story and to learn a little more about our family's journey into the LGBTQIA+ community 
Hi @KIrstyH , thank you for sharing a bit about you and your family’s journey with us. It is really nice to hear that the entire family has been supportive of your son’s sexuality. It sounds like you have a very open and honest style of communication in your family, which is very inspiring to read about. It’s clear how much you love and care for your boys - it appears that they are very lucky to have you.
We are really glad you reached out here, and hope that you get the chance to connect with other parents in a similar position to you. I am sure many parents share your concerns for the challenges that LGBTQIA+ teens can face. Keep an eye out for more events like this coming soon.
See you around the forums 
Hi everyone!
I'm incredibly excited and humbled to be sharing my parents' story tonight, as their support and unconditional love has been a huge part of my journey towards loving myself as a young queer person. When I was around 13, I told my parents that I thought I might be a lesbian, but at that point in my life, I was still deeply ashamed of my sexuality and was not ready to open up completely and honestly about who I was. With my Mum and Dad's ongoing acceptance and patience, I had the time and space to learn a bit more about what being LGBTQIA+ meant to me, and I knew that when I did eventually decide to come out 'once and for all', that my parents would be there to support me.
I'm unbelievably grateful for the support that my parents showed me throughout this process, and am always in awe of the grace and tact they showed during this period of self-discovery. I personally have grappled with a range of mental health issues - some of them have been connected to my sexuality, and some of them have not - and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my parents' approach to nurturing and caring for me is a big reason that I am still here today. I would now consider myself a proud gay woman, and it brings me a lot of joy and comfort to know that I have a wonderful Mum and Dad standing behind me every step of the way. I hope that you find their side of the story useful, and that it speaks to some of the challenges and uncertainties that come with raising an LGBTQIA+ child.
So, without further ado, here's Matt and Lainie's story
My Dad - Matt
When did your child first come out to you? Were you surprised?
"Portia came out officially to me on Melbourne Cup Day in 2015 when picking me up from work. We began to drive home and my wife Lainie said that Port has something to tell you. Portia then followed by saying “I’m gay”. I was not surprised at all which was reflected in my reply to her - 'I know'".
When did your child start coming out to other people? What was your biggest concern during this process?
"From memory it was very soon after this day when Portia shared this news with her aunties and grandparents on her mother’s side. I believe she trusted these people enough and wanted them to know this from her directly as they are very special to her. My biggest concern was that although I knew her broader family and friends love her for being her, I worried that people might say things that could be considered offensive or hurtful, without them even knowing it."
You have a straight daughter and a gay daughter. Do you parent them differently?
"I would like to think not. But in saying that I think that you develop a different relationship with each of your children. Neither better or worse, just different."
Did you know many LGBTQIA+ people when your child came out? How did you know what to say and how to support them if you weren’t particularly involved in the queer community?
"I did know a few LGBTQIA+ people. Mostly through work based relationships. I’m not sure I did know what to say, but I tried to let Port know that we love her for being her. Her sexuality is only a small part of who she is and we love that too."
Lots of parents worry about their teens in the early stages of coming out and discovering their identity, as it can be a difficult time that impacts their mental health. Does it get better?
"It gets easier as a parent for sure. My major worry when Port came out was how she would be treated by the outside world as I have seen and heard many homophobic slurs and opinions of what is right and wrong, those who disagree with gay marriage and LGBTQIA+ rights in general. The reason I say it gets better is because I have seen Portia find many friends. Some gay, some not. She now knows that she is not alone and is supported by her family, friends, work colleagues."
My Mum - Lainie
When did your child first come out to you? Were you surprised?
“My daughter was in Year 8, and I distinctly remember that it was a Friday night and
it was raining. When she told me she thought she might be gay, I was surprised, but I also wasn’t – in our case, I hadn’t known that she was gay all along or since she was a young child, but she had also never been a 'girly girl' either. She was very soft and sensitive, and had never really shown much of an interest in boys growing up or in having a boyfriend. She was never shy around boys, and was happy to talk to them and play with them at school, but they were almost just other people in her universe – she was never particularly drawn to them. At this point, she kind of just treated boys and girls the same as far as I could tell.
When Portia told me that she thought she might be gay, I did have a few questions. This wasn’t because I didn’t believe that she was gay or because I had a problem with her sexuality, but I was curious about how she’d come to this realisation and wanted to know more since she had never shown an interest in anyone before, male or female. So, I asked her how she knew and whether this was something that she was confident in. At the stage that she was at in coming to terms with it herself, she really wasn’t sure, and didn’t want to talk too much about it, so it was something that drifted into the background for a while. While she didn’t come out to us again until she was in Year 11, I knew from this night onwards that she was gay. I remember my husband and I lying in bed that night and saying to each other “well, I wasn’t expecting that” but we weren’t concerned, just surprised.
When Port did come out to us again when she was 16, it had been a long time coming. It was a relief and all I could think was “thank God, finally”. From that first night she told us she was gay, it had never left my mind as being her truth, and I so badly wanted to ask questions about it as dating drama came up with boys throughout the years. But, I knew that her coming out had to be on her own terms, and that she had to be ready to own it before we would discuss it again."
