Topical Tuesday - How to help your teen if they self-harm

[Dakotah]

I had noticed since my 12 year old got her period she had been depressed but not willing to open up to anyone, she is a people pleaser and had mentioned a few times she has anger issues, she is the perfect student gets great grades and all her teachers say she is a pleasure to teach, yesterday I could see evidence of self-harm, she burst in to tears and just wanted to cuddle which isn’t like her , begged me not to tell her father but I told her I had to , I have made an appointment for us and told her she doesn’t have to talk to them that it’s about us getting help so we can help her , I just want to make sure I’m using the right language and not making it worse, we are going all natural drug free and changing her diet as I know it has a huge impact on your mental health

[Breez-RO]

Hey there @Dakotah wow this sounds really challenging. Of course you're right the hormonal changes will be affecting her moods no doubt, this is a very vulnerable time for a young person. So good that you're committed to using the right language and finding resources to support her, well done on this. Our community has some great insight into helping adolescent's with self harm I am sure you'll find this space of great benefit. Did she disclose anything to you regarding self-harm, something that has happened or an underlying trigger? **I did need to edit the method of self-harm out due to our community guidelines  

[Dakotah]

Ok sorry I skimmed the guidelines, this only happened yesterday so I’m still a bit she’ll shicked and overwhelmed and trying to educate myself so I don’t make it worse, she just burst into tears and hugged me and when I asked why she said she didn’t know, no bullying , she just said she can’t be happy, think it is classic depression, family history on fathers side, has been very sullen the last few months

[Breez-RO]

Hey @Dakotah I hear you so there's maybe some genetic elements to her mental health? Has the sullen behaviour come out of nowhere, or have you always noticed a tendency to be down? No drama re: edit  

[Dakotah]

She was always a pretty happy kid, always a people pleaser, then she got her period and her attitude has become very sullen and dark, she is into vampires and werewolves and says she has anger issues but she has never shown outward signs of aggression. I noticed a marked change in my mental health when I changed my diet so we are making some dietary changes and have her booked into the brain wellness spa on the 26th so hopefully they can give us some strategies and tools to help her manage her depression without medication

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Dakotah, that sounds like a great step, hopefully they have got some wonderful support there. I know you mentioned you made an appointment for yourself and partner to be able to help your daughter better. Have you considered making an appointment for your daughter too? I would encourage as much support as possible especially if she is open to the idea  What does your daughter enjoy doing in her spare time?

[Dakotah]

The appointment is for her, but she has been told she doesn’t have to talk to them if not comfortable but they have said they will also chat to me and my ex and my parents and give us some advice so we are all on the same page, she does Muay Thai 3 times a week, she loves to read and enjoys Netflix like most teens and your ibe , I monitor what she watches

[Taylor-RO]

Sorry for the misunderstanding @Dakotah, that is great that you have given her that option. It sounds really lovely that you are all working together on this so everyone is informed and involved. It is always important to do things we enjoy even when things are difficult, so awesome to hear that your daughter has some hobbies and fun things to do! You sound like you have been really proactive and supportive throughout all this 

[Dakotah]

I know this is not her fault, no one would chose to be miserable , so we just need to help her find the tools to find her joy again , I know we can

[Breez-RO]

I really admire your persistence, and the passion and love you hold for your young one. Not all parents are as engaged as you, it's beautiful to see. @Dakotah