29 Jun: Nurturing independence in teens

[Sophie-RO]

I guess @Tessisme, it could be a boy thing or it could be a different personality or the difference in ages... Have you asked him about it? What does he think about school and study?

[Tessisme]

Thank you for asking, well I work full time for the last 2 years so the kids help me complete some chores around the house which I then set a positive goal such as money for the movies or the canteen. I give them more responsibilities and opportunities to gain more independence such as letting them go to the shops with their friends or giving them money to purchase their own things!

[AmyJay]

Hi @Tessisme thanks for the question. I am sure many parents struggle with homework dileemas on the home front. Mr18 does do his homework- but the minimim to get by he has learn tho this year to put in a little more effort to improve marks so it is paying off. We are lucky with Mr16 but mr9 needs reminders and time set aside to support him. Often busy with 2 working parents and other ex-curricular activities/sport.

[AmyJay]

A nice incentive @Tessisme another way to gain independence is to encourage your teen to purchase their own items such as clothing and fav food.

[Sophie-RO]

It sounds like a good idea @AmyJay to approach things knowing that it might not go right straight away so be there to support them and take small steps. Oh, and keep the lines of communication open!  Some of the info on the rest of the site says it’s important to have ongoing discussions with your child about their developing independence and to find a common ground where there is a balance between independence and safety.... Young people mature at different rates, so what their friends are doing may not necessarily be right for your child at the same time.

[Maggiemay]

Hi.  I have two teenagers.  A boy 17 and girl 15, a dog 3.  My two teens are totally different yet equally talented in their own way.  Their independence levels are unique and so are the things I allow them to do.  This causes conflict with your allow him to do this but not me.  Trying to explain fairness is a constant discussion that happens.  My definition of fairness is what suits the individual however that doesn't sit well with them when they see one being able to do something the other can't.

How do others deal with this situation?

[Sophie-RO]

So I have a Q for you guys - @Tessisme and @AmyJay - 3. Trying too much too soon can some times not end well... Anyone had this experience? How can parents avoid this?

[AmyJay]

Hi @Maggiemay Hearing you with the fairness card! We TRY to be fair while keeping communications channels open is important. Sometimes explanations are the best we can offer at the time. When they are not so upset about "being treated unfairly" then it's a good time to tell a story from your past or an example of when fairness suits the individual not the context.

[Sophie-RO]

Hi @Maggiemay! Thanks for joining us! Hmmm that does sound tricky. Young people definitely mature at different rates, so what's right for one is not for another....Can you discuss maybe that it's not like for like and she has other areas where her strengths are and she has more responsibility/independence ?

[Tessisme]

Hi, sorry to leave you ladies however I have to help ms12 pack for her excursion tomorrow and tidy up house before bed. Thank you for all the questions and nice talking to you all. Lots of love, Tess