@Ngaio-RO The end of last year was a particularly difficult time for my daughter.  Her physical and mental health really took a downward spiral.  She was missing a lot of school and even though we requested work to be sent home it was not given.  She would go back to school and received consequences for not having assignments done or she was not prepared for assessments.  All this just added to her low self worth.  My daughter decided that she wasn't going back to school.     Thats when the discussions started about what she was going to do.  We sat down and made lists of what she liked, what she thought she might want to do as a job, would there be benefits of changing schools.  We attended TAFE open days and she read all of the information and decided that TAFE was something she wanted to do.   School doesn't fit everyone and there are lots of different paths that can be taken to be successful in life.  She is finding her way in the TAFe environment and has been lucky enough to meet some really nice girls.  They have formed their own study group and help and support each other.  My daughter is experiencing success at an educational and social level for the first time in years.  It is still early days and she has a way to go for her to know her own self worth.  As a family we are there to support her along the way and will continue to do so.   ... View more

@Ngaio-RO Yes I have taken time for me.   ... View more

@Dani_ I think the main thing was knowing that she had the support of her family.  She knew that we would listen to her and believe her as well as believe in her as the wonderful, smart, caring person that she is. ... View more

Reading your replies @@rubymay I feel like you are telling my daughters story.  So many similarities from the types of bullying to the responses that were given by her teachers.  My daughter left her high school this year (end of year 10) and enrolled in TAFE.  The positive changes we are seeing in her is truly amazing in just a few short weeks of her moving from a toxic environment and relationships.  She has a new found love for learning and I can see her confidence growing.  Thank you for sharing your story.   ... View more

@rubymay. What are your suggestions of ways to deal with bullying?   ... View more

I just spoke to my teenage son who said he thinks it's funny.  I asked him does he think it is bullying and he says that people are putting themselves up there to be roasted.  I asked if he would put himself up there and he said yes.  He would love to see what people would say about him.  In saying that he does not take things people say to heart - especially people who don't know him.   I had a look at the site and I must say I'm amazed at some of the comments that people make.  I have to wonder where they come up with some of the comments they do.  My mind just does not go to the places theirs does and I am so happy about that.   I also have to wonder if some of those comments could be a trigger for someone who has  previously not been affected by insults.   My other concerns are what restrictions are put on this site.  Can anyone any age post and comment on this.  There is obviously no privacy restrictions so who is actually getting hold of your picture and then what other information can they get.   Not a fan of roast me.  ... View more

@LovingThruBlue  It is a really difficult time that you and your daughter are going through.  The thought of going back to school and not having a plan would only be adding stress for you both.   i don't know where you live or even if you old consider this however there are special setting schools that accommodate students with mental health illnesses.  Some are full time settings others work on an integration system.  They follow the same curriculum as schools but often are shorter days are well staffed to support the students.     Another option may be a partial attendance plan while she is continuing her treatment.  Depending on how flexible the school is she may be able to attend the classes she really likes and then work from home for the others.     The school should be able to offer her a modified work plan which would enable her to meet the minimum requirements to pass her subjects until she is able to return to full time school.  This does take some planning on the schools part.  It is called an individualised learning plan.   i hope some of these help.  Please let us know how things go.   ... View more

Hi @seaglecc thank you for sharing your story.  It is so sad to hear that with all the education and information available about the negative impact bullying has it is still happening at a school level.     I hope your son is benefiting from the help he is receiving.  Can I ask what impact the bullying had on your other children witnessing their brother being in this situation?  It would be hard for them.  I know my older son gets extremely frustrated about how little the staff at my daughter's school did to support her and he doesn't attend that school.   My daughter has received some counselling which does help however once the sessions are over she tends to regress.     Our relationship is pretty good.  Like all families we have our disagreements and where she will withdraw.  All I do then is to let her know that I am there when she wants to talk.  I have learned that when she does start to open up I am best to sit and listen, ask for clarification of what she is saying when needed and not try to problem solve for her.     ... View more

An update on my daughter.  So things really declined both at school and home.  The bullying escalated especially over social media.  This was a really difficult time for both my daughter and our family.  Her attendance at school significantly declined and so did her health both physically and mentally.  The only thing that didn't decline was our determination to keep e lines of communication open and continue to support her.  We had lots of long conversations and about the use of social media, the pros and cons of it. We continued to contact her school who unfortunately we not very supportive.     So so at the end of last year my daughter decided that she was going to leave school.  We attended some open days at the local TAFE and she is now enrolled to do her Certificate II in Early Child Care.  She is fantastic with young children and has decided that she wants to be able to work with kids with disabilities.  She is really looking forward to this new start and will hopefully meet some nice people and start to form some healthy friendships.   As for the social media that side is also starting to get better.  We are still monitoring her use of it and who she is adding as friends.  We talk a lot about "feeding the beast, starving the beast". When you reply to bullying you feed the beast.  When you don't reply the beast is starved and has no fuel to keep them going.     Her physical health has improved however the impact on her mental health is still a work in progress.  The scars the bullying has left on her self worth will take time to heal and unfortunately she is not open to the idea of seeking professional help at the moment.     As a family we will continue our unwavering support and encouragement of her.     ... View more

I encourage my kids to earn their own money.  My son referees football matches each weekend.  He plays football and loves being involved in the game.  The downside to that is that he has to wait until the end of the season to get paid.  The upside is that he budgets really well and that money normally lasts until the start of the next season.  He has money to cover the christmas school holidays and the next ones. Unfortunately my daughter is not so motivated to get a paying job.  She does volunteer her time to netball coaching but that doesn't help when she wants new clothes or to go out.   I'm trying to encourage her to get a part time job but her lack of self confidence is playing a big part in her not trying.  She is quite independent in as much that she can cook, clean, use a washing machine and is fantastic at looking after her niece and nephew.  She is fantastic wiith the kids that she coaches but is very hesitant to take that next step of getting into the workforce. If @jacew is still online I would love to hear how he encouraged his daughter to get work. ... View more

I found that when my son reached year 9 that he started to slacken off at school.  He attends a boys school and when I raised my concerns they said that was normal.  They often saw a dip in their enthusiam towards school but assured me it would improve again.  My son is now in year 11 and I wouldn't say he is always enthusiatic but his ethics towards his study has started to improve again.  I agree that he does what is needed even though I know he is capable of doing better.  I try not to nag him but do spend time to talk about his goals that he has set and what he needs to do to achieve them. I suppose like the saying goes, you can't put an old head on young shoulders.  All we can do is support and encourage them and try different ways to keep them motivated to reach their goals. ... View more

Hi.  I have two teenagers.  A boy 17 and girl 15, a dog 3.  My two teens are totally different yet equally talented in their own way.  Their independence levels are unique and so are the things I allow them to do.  This causes conflict with your allow him to do this but not me.  Trying to explain fairness is a constant discussion that happens.  My definition of fairness is what suits the individual however that doesn't sit well with them when they see one being able to do something the other can't. How do others deal with this situation?   ... View more

I am going through this with my daughter at the moment.  She has a learning disability and even though she starts each year with a positive attitude, once she starts to struggle and not achieve at school she just gives up.  She stops asking for help and withdraws.  I have tried many different ways to support her and keep her engaged but then the rejection of any help starts and the negative talk starts again. It is a cycle that I have no idea how to help her get out of.  I have just had another meeting with her school but it feels like I am hitting my head up against a brick wall.   She is in Year 10 and I have no idea how I am going to support her until she turns 17.  Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.   ... View more

These tips are great @Sophie-RO.  But what happens when you find our that your teen is the one trolling and stalking others?  This is a serious offence and when the parents are not aware of the events taking place it leaves them questioning themselves as parents.   ... View more

We all think that we know our kids but sometimes we brush things off as another stage they are going through.   The benefit of having such forums as this is we can get an "outsiders" perspective on situations that we as parents can be blind to. It's all about parents supporting parents to gain a better understanding of our teens and the challenges that come with being a parent. ... View more

Hi @Mitzi.  I'm hearing you.  When my son was in primary he scored the lead role in their Year 6 play.  He was so excited and practiced his lines at every opportunity.  Of cause we were all excited for him to have this experience.  My best friend even volunteered to come along to watch (she is still my best friend).  So we all go along excited to see this play.  Well the excitement didn't last.  The microphones didn't work properly so we couldn't hear most of it.  Lines were forgotten and young children in the audience cried or were screaming for the majority of the night. It was the longest 4 hours of my life.   In saying that, like you, I wouldn't have missed it.  I was proud of my son for the effort and commitment he had shown and he was pleased that we were there to see him perform. Another way we show our children we are there to support them no matter what. ... View more

Hey @Mitzi.  It can be stressful when our teens are out and about however it sounds like you and your son have a good relationship and can communicate openly.  I agree that as a parent we need to know where they are and how we can contact them.  It is also reassuring to receive a text from them letting us know all is ok. When I was a teen I used to have to look for a pay phone that hadn't been vandalised to contact my parents.  Then there was the issue of having a coin to pay for the call.   I like the idea from @tenacious_dad about the mobile charger.  I'm going to steal that one. Another approach I have used is turning the tables and asking how they would feel if they needed to contact me and didn't know where I was or I wasn't answering the phone.  Asking our teens to put themselves into our shoes I believe teaches empathy. ... View more

Thanks for sharing your story @Ollie-Finches. Loved hearing how your son has a positive attitude about not letting the OCD rule his life and the way you are supporting him.     I would love to hear the strategies you are trying in regards to not "squawking" at your teen yet getting him to make better choices regarding school work and sleep time etc.             ... View more

I hate winter.  I find it hard to get motivated and those long cold, dull and miserable days leave me wanting summer to return as soon as possible.   In saying that, both of my teens play winter sports so its early mornings Saturday and Sunday, standing in the rain cheering them on from the sidelines.  Training three nights a week listening to them when they finish saying how warm it is.  Me grumbling how I should be in a nice warm place, how I can't feel my feet or hands, even though I'm rugged up waiting for the snow to start. Yet I wouldn't change it because I see their enjoyment and commitment to being part of a team. Seeing them socialising, exercising and learning new life skills that make them the unique and wonderful humans they are.   But I still hate winter.     ... View more

I agree there needs to be a lot more research.  I know my family and I are guilty of binge watching especially on cold and rainy days.  I think its great to be able to all grab blankets and pillows and set ourselves up in front on the TV with snacks and enjoy watching back to back episodes of series or movies.     Is the research focussing on when someone does this alone?  Is this person doing it on a regular basis and therefore does not have the social interaction with friends and family?   Does the same apply when someone gets into a book and doesn't put it down for hours?   Interesting topic.  Can't wait to read others views.   ... View more

ReachOut parents is a new site that has invaluable resource fact sheets available to all parents.  We will continue to add more content and need your input to make sure that we are meeting the requirements of all parents of teenagers.     For us to grow we need the support of the parents that have already signed in.  So please spread the word and join in our forums.  Everyone has a story to tell and yours might help someone.   It is your real life experiences that could help another parent support their teen through the everyday issues and tough times.       ... View more

Well said @readthemanual.  It is very difficult to keep our own identity once we have children. There is that innate need to put them first and we tend to ignore our own needs.    I agree that we do need to keep learning and improving ourselves as this sets us up as good role models for our children. When we board a plan the instructions are in case of an emergency place the oxygen masks on you first then attend to your children.     ... View more

One piece of parenting advice I would give is that as parents we go from being the boss where we can advise our kids and set very strict boundaries to when they become teenagers we become consultants.  We are not there to solve their issues or tell them how to run their lives but more to guide them to find the solutions that leads them to the best outcomes.     It is a difficult time.  We still want to save them from themselves and the difficulties of society but we need to be able to let them make mistakes so they learn and gain the skills they need to be able to mature and make good choices.   I believe this goes against our natural instincts as protectors of our children.  But we can choose to walk in front as a guide, walk beside to let them know we are there always and walk behind to give them a subtle push when needed.   ... View more

Hi everyone and welcome to our first Wednesday Wrap.   I'm starting this off with why I got involved with Reachout.  I have two teenagers, a boy 16 and girl 15.  Times have changed since I was a teenager.  I was told to basically suck it up and get over the difficulties that I was facing as a teenager.  I don't want my kids to feel that they need to inhibat how they are feeling and what is causing them concerns in their lives.   I am grateful to know that when I am feeling like I do not have the skills or knowledge to be able to help my kids in a positive and nurturing way that I have somewhere I can go to get guidance from not only professionals but other parents that have been through the same or similar experiences. ... View more

Hi everyone and welcome to our first Wednesday Wrap.   I'm starting this off with why I got involved with Reachout.  I have two teenagers, a boy 16 and girl 15.  Times have changed since I was a teenager.  I was told to basically suck it up and get over the difficulties that I was facing as a teenager.  I don't want my kids to feel that they need to inhibat how they are feeling and what is causing them concerns in their lives.   I am grateful to know that when I am feeling like I do not have the skills or knowledge to be able to help my kids in a positive and nurturing way that I have somewhere I can go to get guidance from not only professionals but other parents that have been through the same or similar experiences. ... View more

This is a very interesting thread. What do we do when one incident of mean behaviour affects a child pyschologically because of the severity and impact it has because of other things that has happened in that child's life? Do we need to look at teaching more about empathy towards each other? Everyone has their own personal stuff going on that others aren't aware of. As they say something that may seem insignificant could be the straw that breaks that camels back. ... View more

I really enjoyed How to Talk so Teens will Listen & Listen so Teens will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.       ... View more