Is bullying just something that happens to every one & everyone needs to go through it?

[YellowMango]

I was really surprised to learn that my kids (who are not teenagers anymore) and their partners,  all experienced bullying in high school and they feel really strongly that; parents shouldn't get the school involved and that it happens to everyone and you just have to get over it.

They all agreed that physical violence is unacceptable but name calling and being 'picked on' is just par for the course at highschool.

We talked about that fact that some kids are more resilient than others but I know that bullying can have really serious consequences for some kids. Is bullying just something that all young people have to go through? YM

[HalleysComet]

I think somehow over time the meaning of bullying has become skewed. The very fact that they think everyone experiences it means that it's not bullying - I think what they are thinking about is kids being mean.

Bullying is "an ongoing misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that causes physical and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power over one or more persons".

I think that's a bit of a worrying perception to be out there among young people....

[StHubbins]

I'm with @HalleysComet.  I don't think bullying is ever ok, whether physical or verbal.

[Ben-RO]

An interesting counterpoint @HalleysComet.

Where do you draw the line between bullying and mean behaviour?

Do you think there are antecedents to bullying that we can identify and work on with our children that prevent things escalating?

[Maggiemay]

This is a very interesting thread.

What do we do when one incident of mean behaviour affects a child pyschologically because of the severity and impact it has because of other things that has happened in that child's life?

Do we need to look at teaching more about empathy towards each other?

Everyone has their own personal stuff going on that others aren't aware of. As they say something that may seem insignificant could be the straw that breaks that camels back.

[Sophie-RO]

I notice that sometimes people throw the bully word around and it's counter-productive.

For me the line between mean behaviour and bullying is when there is a power imbalance, and it's specific and ongoing (or the threatened to ongoing). To maggiemay's point - meanness doesn't have a psychological impact, but bullying would. Because it picks on someone's vulnerabilities or highlights someone's powerlessness!

[Ngaio-RO]

Now seems a good time to kick-start this conversation and see what others think.

I agree with @HalleysComet that there seems to be a tendency to apply the word bullying to behaviours that may have been called mean or unkind, in the past. I wonder if this is due to teachers and schools feeling that parents will pay attention if they say "those kids are being bullies" rather than "those kids aren't being nice". That parents might be more inclined to intervene when the B word is used but they will write it off as "kids being kids' if it's called something else.

I'm interested to hear what others think but I believe that parents of kids who have experienced bullying behaviour will say that it goes far beyond kids just not being nice to each other. 

Is there a risk of watering down the impact of the term if we over-apply it?

I'm keen to hear what others think.

@Maggiemay @LovingThruBlue @Elena @CareBear and @taokat ?