Next Wednesday Wrap is HERE! Join us on the 20th September!

[Ngaio-RO]

@taokat For those who don't know your relationship with your daughter or are reading this later, would you expand a bit on how you and she managed her having that experience at work? Just because I know you're so great at recognising her when she handles things, I think it would be helpful for other parents in similar situations to get a bit more insight around that.

If you're ok with that.

[Ngaio-RO]

So @Nicole-SANEaus how far does the 'like other illnesses' comparison work?

I hear from parents who are supporting a young person with a MH difficulty that they're not sure whether they should be making exceptions or keeping things the same. What do you think?

For example, should they be applying the same expectations on their young person around school outcomes that they would on a young person who isn't managing a MH issue?

[taokat]

*slaps forehead* - love it @Ngaio-RO! Was a moment like that!

And yes @Nicole-SANEaus, open communication is so helpful, and I'm lucky with my girl. She talks to me about a lot which is great. We were talking in the car on our way home today and she said to me how lucky she is to have a mum she can trust....wow! I'd only thought of trust from my point of view i.e trusting her!

[Ngaio-RO]

That's so true isn't it @taokat That as parents we tend to only think about trust as something we need to have in them, but they need to feel it in us just as much!!

[taokat]

Sorry @Ngaio-RO, I'm falling a bit behind! I guess we'd been lucky that my daughter had had these meltdowns at school, so she has also learnt what she needs to do to calm herself so she can continue on. At work that day, she told me she had become very angry and upset. Her co-workers had noticed and were asking if she was ok. She spoke to the manager and explained about her bipolar and snaps of mood at times. She said she just needed some timeout and she'd be ok. So they gave her lunch and she had 15 minutes in which she settled and got back to work.

When she told me what had happened and how she managed it, I was so proud of her and told her that. She was embarrassed, which I could understand, but she handled it very maturely and took responsibility for herself, and I told her that we all have wobblies at times, and the fact that she could recognise it, talk to a manager and explain what she needed to do to be able to settle, was amazing and she should be proud of the way she handled it. There was a time she would have sworn at everyone, walked out and never been game to face the shop again. I wanted her to see how far she has come and how much she has matured.

[Nicole-SANEaus]

Good question @Ngaio-RO !

In my experience, people with a MH difficulty can achieve just as much as someone with a MH difficulty (but hey, who doesn't have a MH difficulty at some point!).

Having a conversation with your child about what they want to achieve and how they will manage hiccups / barriers / challenges along the way is critical.

So accepting what their own expectations and goals are for themselves, and then supporting those is critical.

The challenge is the horrible thing of mental health challenges is the negative self talk that can go on for that child, so they may not feel as though they can make those achievements - so encouraging them to not limit themselves can be tricky part.

[taokat]

I know @Ngaio-RO, who would've thought our kids need to trust us too! I'd never even considered it, but thinking back to when I was a teen, I can see how important that trust goes both ways.

[Ngaio-RO]

That makes perfect sense @Nicole-SANEaus and I completely agree, who doesn't have mh struggles in their life?

Sometimes I think one of the most important things parents can do is think back to their own adolescence and remember how full on the thinking is then. It can be so hard to just feel ok!

So what I'm getting is that the things that would make it easier for a young person with MH difficulties are the same things that would make difficult stuff easier for everyone. Like a realistic set of goals that they feel are achievable, asking them how they would like to be supported, helping them decide what they need.

What about parents who are wanting their teenager to get diagnosed @Nicole-SANEaus ? In your experience does a diagnosis help or hinder?

[Nicole-SANEaus]

I love that @taokat - 'wobblies' is a great way of explaining it.
Sometimes in the SANE Aus community we call it 'getting in a muddle'

What an amazing conversation to have with your daughter! Reframing a bad experience into a moment to be proud of!

[taokat]

That was an awesome question @Ngaio-RO and an extremely relevant one! Something I have often wondered myself, and still do!

It's that negative self talk @Nicole-SANEaus that convinces my daughter at times that she's useless, but she's far from it! It's very tricky knowing how to deal with that, as my daughter just says to me "of course you're going to say that mum, I'm your daughter."