12 yr old bedtime

[Janey]

I’m increasingly frustrated with my partner and his daughter.
We have her every 2nd week
I appreciate my partner misses out on time with her but she Is allowed to stay up until 9.30-1000pm every night. My partner & I agreed she would go to bed or read in her room 20 mins after our son goes to sleep. No matter the time he is asleep, she still stays up late.
She sits on the couch next to him getting her feet massaged and watching what she wants, eating our chocolate and drinking tea. I am relegated to the other couch. On the rare occasion I do sit next to my partner, i am made to feel like I am intruding. Is it unreasonable to expect her to have a bedtime and my partner and I get some alone time?? I never watch what I want and usually go into my bedroom alone after my son is asleep as I want to watch grown up tv.
My partner and I found a show we liked watching together the week we didn’t have my stepdaughter. Then week she came back he included her in watching it and I feel resentful as that was “ our thing” and I don’t want to watch it with her. It sounds so childish when I’m typing this out!!! I love her but I’m the adult and somebody feels
Like I’m the child and she’s the grown up.

[Janey]

Excuse the spelling mistakes!!!!

[TOM-RO]

HI Janey... Sounds like a difficult situation. I think that on the one hand, this is his daughter and it sounds positive that she is spending quality time with him. It might be more helpful to view it as family time including all 3 of you, then to perceive it as a her vs me situation. On the other hand though, it does sound like a good idea to give her a bedtime and to display consisitent parenting. I would think that having a more formal discussion with him about your respective parenting approaches might be beneficial. It would also be helpful to talk to him about the way youre feeling. Maybe if there is a discussion about spending some quality time together with just the 2 of you, then there would be less distress from your end regarding spending time with the daugther. It does sound like a tricky situation though and i can see why youre feeling stressed. Be sure to reach out to friends, or professional support if you feel you need it.

[higherself419]

Thanks for your insights, it helped me with my situation at home. Ty again.