18yr old twin girls

[Headspacegone]

I have two 18yr old girls who are proving to be so hard at the moment, being a single mother for most of there lives I have never seen or wished this at all. I am now at breaking point. How do you manage 18yr old girls in today’s world? I have always been there for both of them but am now being told that I have always favoured one. I don’t believe in myself that I have ever done this but the one says I do.

[Marimo-RO]

Hi @Headspacegone, 

Welcome to the ReachOut Parents Forum!

Thank you for sharing what has been happening for you recently, it takes a lot of strength to open up. Being a single mother can be an incredibly challenging experience and it sounds like you're feeling quite overwhelmed right now. You've mentioned that your daughters are proving to be hard at the moment, would you feel comfortable sharing more about what has been going on?

Being told that you've favoured one child over another can be upsetting to hear especially since it sounds like you're doing your best to provide both your daughters with equal support. I'm wondering if you have told anyone about how you've been feeling and if you have any supports for yourself?

Parentline may be a useful service that can provide you with free counselling support. Similarly here at ReachOut we also have a parent coaching service that can provide you with further support and resources.

I look forward to your reply. 

[Headspacegone]

Hi @Marimo-RO

Thank you for your reply, it is so hard to have to sit here and try to open up.
They are just constantly fighting between them, whether it be over clothes, boys,friends, vapes. There is always something. The one is sitting back and just coping everything as the other one is mainly doing everything as in her words “I like drama and being petty” this is now the one who is saying I favour the other child.

I am at my wits ends and I suspect that there is a lot of bad influence coming in from a so called “best friend “ of whom I have heard bad things of. I am trying to separate them but being 18 this proves to be so hard as a parent now a days as I don’t believe we have many rights.

All I want is for both my girls to succeed in life.

[Stormy-RO]

Hey @Headspacegone just chiming in to acknowledge the tough situation you're in. It sounds like it's really hurting you to have one daughter being subject to the harmful actions of the other. It makes sense that with such different behaviours you would be struggling to know how to manage it all. 

I was wondering if you have had any luck placing boundaries within your home on this behaviour? It's true that you can't influence an 18 year-old's friendship as much as they are more independent, but perhaps having equal expectations on both daughters clearly communicated could help with creating a safe space for both in the home. We have an article here on setting cooperative boundaries with clear consequences which could give some insight.

I was curious to know if anything has led to this behaviour, aside from the friend. Do your daughters have space from each other and their own healthy self-care strategies, whether that be sport, work or study?

Looking forward to hearing from you.