I have had a read of previous posts and while there's loads of great advice, I wonder if anyone has specific suggestions to help here.
I have an 18 year old step son at home and married to his mother. No other children at home. We had a good relationship when I first met him aged 11 and he used to do some simple chores as a young teen but they have gradually fallen away to absolutely nothing. I have picked up all his chores that he used to do (take the bins out, lay the table, do the dishes etc). When he was 15 or so, we were having lots of conflict over chores because I would place simple internet restrictions if the chores didn't get done but eventually my wife asked me to just let it go and I did.
The time spent doing the chores is not really a big deal to me, it's probably 20 minutes of extra work a day. My concern is I am now worried about his trajectory, he has left school without a qualification this year (although has 'plans' to go back to school next year), plays computer games and goes out with friends a lot, and only is working 9 hours a week. He still says he wants to go to university. When I'm overwhelmed with work once every few weeks and I ask him to do simple things like turn off electronic items when he leaves the house or wash up his own dishes after use, I am met with anger and reasons why what I'm saying is unreasonable. He seems fine with me as long as I'm not asking him to lift a finger, otherwise the mood changes quickly. There's has been some issues with depression and minor self harm a couple of years ago, and I think there's a bit of low mood and motivation persisting. He has received professional help for this. I think I should be enforcing some household chores and continuing to impose consequences for not doing it, but how do I do this without being the evil step father?
My wife and I have talked about it and she thinks I should just let him be. But I think she's just trying to keep the peace, I don't think she's appreciating how spoilt he could become if he continues down this path. I have told him what I think calmly a few times over the last few months, and he listened but didn't really change his behaviour. I don't really want him hanging around til he's in his 30s doing the same thing.
Am I right in my concerns? Should I push a bit harder with chores or should I back off?
