Advice on having a relationship with my separated children

[Dadof4and3-4ths]

Hi Everyone

New member here after some advice or experiences of those in a similar situation.

I am divorced and my 4 kids love with their mum, who moved them 3 hours away. Originally, there was an agreement that I would have them fortnightly, but with working during the week and having to travel so far to pick them up and drop them home, I was left absolutely exhausted and our time together wasn't the quality I would have liked with them. We then agreed visits would be one out of 4 weekends.

Now they're all older (18, 15, 13 and 12), and they all have sporting interests.

I am so torn. I want to see them and spend time with them, but I don't want them missing out on sport and social activities because that is important for teenagers. But time with their dad is just as important, but I am worried they would resent me for them missing out on sport. So far this year I have only seen them twice (once was over the school holidays for a week).

Does anybody share my situation and if so, how do you balance their sport/recreation and visitations?

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Dadof4and3-4ths 

It's really great to hear how commited you are to spending quality time with your kids, and can understand that it must feel quite difficult to do with the distance and them having other actitivies to attend. Is this something you've been able to bring up to your co-parent at all? We have this article on co-parenting that might be a helpful read and has some great referral links too. The Family Relationship Advice Line also has lots of information on co-parenting, along with a helpline you can call for more support.

You also might like to check out our free 1:1 parent coaching service. They may be able to help figure out a plan on how you can best make the most of your time with your kids when you see them.

I imagine changing the family routine to see your kids less often would've been really tough, and you must miss them lots. Do you have any friends and family you can talk to about how you're feeling when you are away from your kids?