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Am I wrong?

Discussion forum for parents in Australia


Am I wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 yrs he has 2 sons 15 & 14. They are now with their grandmother and the oldest hasn’t spoken to his dad in over a year he says he’s the devil and the youngest has autism or a very slight case of it. When I met both boys they were 6 & 7 their mother died of an overdose when they were 2 & 3 yrs old. I had no children of my own I was told for years that wasn’t possible so I did what I could for these two boys but when I asked their dad to get up with them for school get them ready and send them to the bus he never would help, I did the cooking cleaning helping with homework all the stuff I thought I should be. As both boys got older the oldest son got more disrespectful towards me has told his grandmother lies about me like I kicked the youngest son and all that drama loving crap. The mornings when I got the kids up the youngest would lay in the bed until last minute,so we tried several ways to get him up and a spray bottle with water was most helpful and I was called a witch with a b every morning. It got old quick and me not having kids of my own I got tired of this real quick and not having no help from their dad I got unhappy really fast also. I’m 2020 I found out I was pregnant which was a miracle and I was 7 months when I found out happiest day of my life I had a daughter and then in April of this year I just had my son. My boyfriend who is my childrens father and his sons live separate from us,because I refuse to be the maid,nanny and doormat so my boyfriend got a camper he lives in that his sons live with their grandparents and not with their dad the grandmother wanted the boys with her and that’s where they all wanted to be. So I tell my boyfriend I refuse to live like I did these last few yrs he is accusing me of throwing 2 kids away, I don’t feel like I did I am not their parent he is and I am always met with a pity and guilt party but it no longer works all i hear is if his youngest son was with us now he is so mature and has grown so much but yet I am still told he has to be reminded to brush his teeth and take a shower?? So to me he hasn’t , I do not want the youngest son around me he is lazy and nasty he don’t bathe,brush his teeth,pees in 2 liter bottles because he is too busy playing Xbox to go to the bathroom. I have my babies and they come first always will. I got approved for a home loan and now I am met with more guilt because he agreed I need to get a better home and I am trying to better my kids lives along with myself and yet he’s trying to push him and his youngest son back in the door. I am not Helen homemaker I refuse to deal with his sons anymore and I am so tired of hearing when I am playing with my kids why I couldn’t be that way with the older two?? Hello they weren’t babies when I came along.. I don’t want the oldest kids around mine and I do not care to see the two boys and I can’t say I loved them because I know they never did love me they loved my cooking but that was it… am I wrong for how I feel not wanting to have the oldest kids around??

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Re: Am I wrong?

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Hi @Bamababy 

I'm so sorry that you are in such a frustrating situation, and it sounds like you have done a lot for your boyfriend and his 2 kids.

Congrats on having your 2 little ones despite being told that you couldn't Heart

I've included an article about blended families and one about family conflict in case those might interest you.

Can I please ask if you have support on your side from family or friends?

Also, just a quick note that your message was edited to better align with our Community Guidelines.