Kids communication with father..

[Frustrated2]

Advice/different perspective post please.

Short background:
So I have full care of two girls (5&3), their father lives a couple hours drive away. He has not visited since September (9 months) and doesn’t pay child support.
Wanting to figure out the best way to manage communication calls between them. I have no issues with FaceTime calls, as long as it’s a suitable time, like we do have busy lives and stuff going on and more often than not the girls actually don’t want to talk, they’re kids! The father is keen to talk to them often, he messages and asks if they want to and gets upset if the kids say no. But of course it’s all my fault and apparently I’m pushing him away. I get to a point when I use bribery so they will sit and chat, but can’t do that all the time.

This weekend has gotten ridiculous (nothing new really). Last night they weren’t keen to talk but we (me & the girls) discussed that would call in the morning. I let him know this. So I messaged first today around 8am to communicate the girls were wanting to go out this morning and asked if he wanted to call before they go at 9.

His phone didn’t have enough charge, so he was angry. I’ve been called a stuck up cow and many other lovely names and accused of trying to push him away. Apparently it was BS what I did because I don’t tell him anything and I should know he wants to talk to them…

So I’m pretty confused cause I thought I was communicating and offering a time to chat 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s like I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

The other night I chose to put my phone away for a device free evening for my own self care. Apparently that was not ok either… am I supposed to tell him I’m doing this? No call had been discussed.

We have tried an 8am everyday call, but this was cancelled by him because it’s too early.. I chose the time because we are most likely to be home and in cooperative moods.

Sorry this is a rant, hoping someone can relate and provide some light.

Like, how much blame game and name calling do you all put up with in order to put your kids first?

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Frustrated2 , sorry to hear about the issues you have been having with the father of your children. It sounds like there have been some issues with communication and these issues sound quite difficult. It sounds like there isn’t really a consistent time that their father wants to talk with their children. It might be a good idea to arrange a certain time each week (or whatever desired time) where they speak with their father. It’s best that you discuss this with their father so that you can both decide on a time that suits best. The children might also want to talk to their dad if it is at a consistent time. Have you been able to talk with your children about why they don’t want to talk with their dad? You might need to have a lengthy discussion with their father where you set some boundaries and expectations around reasonable times he can call his children, and what happens if his children don’t want to talk. If you are finding that you are unable to come to any reasonable decisions, you might need to get a third party involved, such as a mediator to ensure that decisions are made that are fair for you, your children, and their father.

[KrissJones193]

Thanks for this information!