My adult daughter is in an abusive relationship

[flowerspark202]

My adult daughter is in a DMV relationship. She's been in that abusive relationship going on 8 years now. When the abuse started I attempted to get her out. However, every time I appear I didn't know her abuser was stopping her from leaving by threatening my life. Three yrs ago,  they had a baby. The little one  can recite the verbal abuse  going on in the home.

Apparently, something happened and DCF is now involved AGAIN (3x). They haven't removed the baby from their care. The parents told DCF SW I was crazy, and making up these stories.  Knowing she is going to get away with it she is calling and threatening me with physical harm. My daughter drops the baby off with any family member willing to take on the responsibility for as long as possible. She often left the baby in my care from 2 wks to 2 months. 

Neither have jobs, savings, smoke weed all day and consume alcohol. My daughter refuses to acknowledge there are issues. His family acknowledges he is abusive. DCF is not siding with me based on what my daughter has told them. The baby shows signs of mental, emotional and physical abuse. DCF told me, "You didn't see it, so it didn't happen." 

All I can do is pray for the best outcome. My heart is broken.

[Iona-RO]

Hi @flowerspark202 

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It sounds like you're in a really tough position and really care about the safety and wellbeing of your daughter and granddaughter.

It can be extremely difficult for people to leave abusive relationships, even though from the outside it seems like such an obvious and important step they need to take. Although she doesn't seem to show it, I'm sure your daughter is actually very glad to have your support. Have you been able to chat to her on her own at all without her partner there?

It might be helpful to pass on some resources to her that she can look into when she feels ready. One service I've found that is local to you is the NYC 24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline. You can reach them on 1800-621-HOPE. It might also be helpful for you to give them a call and chat through how this situation is affecting you too. They will be able to give you more resources and advice to help everyone involved.

Hopefully that helps you some more, and we are here whenever you need some support, advice or just a space to write out how you're feeling.