Parental Abuse

[Macca]

I am being constantly and daily abused and belittled and bullied verbally by my 16 year old who constantly blames me for everything that goes wrong. He is bigger than me and has started to but holes in walls and doors. Snatches my phone off me and takes my car keys so I cannot escape. Bullies my 14 year old who is now starting to treat me the same way.
I have tried to see the police but they have said there is not much they can do as he is my son and not my partner or they could have arrested him.
I have tried everywhere for help. DV connect who have said same thing as police. Family councelling with Relationships Australia where the councillor told me it was my fault as I subjected him to violence when he was with his Dad when he was young. As is I had any control over it. We have been to Act for Kids and counselling for months but he just played their game and now after months of finishing it is now worse.
Tonight was the last straw and I cannot do it anymore. I want to move out and leave my kids behind. I have tried child safety but if I hand over the kids I lose any contact with my Grandchild. I am so sick of the abuse and bullying. Is has only gotten worse since this year.
I don't want to be in my house and I don't want to be around them but I have no choice as I am the parent. I dug my grave and raised them this way bit am now getting health issues from the stress.
I do not know what to do except try and get through every day as an empty shell and hope I can eventually sleep and pray the next day will be a little better.
Does anyone have some advice that might be able to get me through the next couple of years until at least one of them leaves home ?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Macca , 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time with your 16 year old. I can hear the frustration and exhaustion in your words, and it sounds like you've tried a lot of different options to try and get some help for your family. 

I'm wondering what your support network looks like at the moment? Do you have any friends or family that are able to help out at all? 

I'm sorry that you didn't find the counselling helpful, that must have been really tough. Have you had any one on one support just for yourself, so that you can have somewhere to unload and unpack some of the stress and distress this is causing you? We do have a free, confidential parent coaching service that is done either online or over the phone with a professional parenting/family coach,  if that would be helpful for you?  Alternatively, you could have a chat to your GP and get a mental health care plan for some sessions with a psychologist - it sounds like you've really been through a lot. 

In terms of practical advice, ReachOut do have some guides about talking to kids about abuse that might be helpful for your other kids - here is one on  domestic violence and teenagers , and one on managing conflict in the home . In terms of safety, do you feel like there's any risk to you or your other kids at the moment? 

In terms of support for your son , I'm also wondering if your child has been connected up with any mentoring services at all? They can be a really good way for young people who aren't necessarily receptive to some kinds of intervention to find some more support. Your local Family Referral Service (This is the NSW link but there are equivalents in other states http://www.familyreferralservice.com.au/) may also be able to help out with other support services that might be able to help both you and your son. 

1800 RESPECT is another really helpful service, who can give advice and counselling on abuse and violence within relationships. 

How are you feeling today? It sounds like you've been travelling a really rough path, I hope the community can help to support you through this. It can take a lot of strength to post about these kind of issues, we are glad you were able to reach out here for help and I hope the community can be a helpful, safe space for you