coparent shared time

[wantbalance]

Hello all....I'm new here.  I have been divorced 3.5 years.  Have an 11 yr old son & 13 yr old daughter.  Ex & I co-parent:  they have been with me 4nts a wk & him 3.  They have ALWAYS been with me on Fri & Sat (whole life b/c father works in hospitality).  Now that we are divorced I find it incredibly unfair that i have zero chance (unless I pay babysitter)to have any resemblance of a chance at meeting someone by doing adult things offered through weekends - how can ever build a relationship if i cant have some time to get out as a single adult on weekends?  The kids transfer to their dad midday on sundays - so i guess i have sunday afternoon & eve as a single person but now the work my ex does is wanting him to work on sundays - so i would have them ALL weekend....or he would have to get a babysitter.  First i would feel aweful for them to be with a stranger - likely only to be there to oversee them (as daughter is 13.5 and able to be alone)...but issue of kids w/out babysitter or kids with babysitter means all they will be doing is be on tech devices -- this stinks!  I'd much rather have them with me & try to do things with them but it doesnt seem fair that schedule of kids/work has ALWAYS catered to their dad - even now that we are divorced!  As an added factor - bc the kids are with me fri & sat it means all my weekend time is spent shuttling them around in order to be with friends or have them do things....this costs money plus having friends over is starting to cost alot w/ all the extra food.  The dad/ex never is confronted by this added burden b/c he only has kids on weekdays he doesnt work (they are in school so his days are free and therefore there are no real activities or overnight extra guests for him to shuttle/clean from/cost extra for activity or food)......does anyone have any advice on how to approach/handle all of this?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @wantbalance , 

That sounds like a really tricky situation, and I can understand  why you'd be pretty frustrated. Being a single parent can be really tough, especiallyif you're not getting a whole lot of time to yourself to get out and  meet other people. Do you have any family, or friends with kids who are a similar age who might be interested in having your kids over for an occasional sleepover? 

I'm hearing how frustrating it must be for you not having a lot of time for yourself, as well as having to do the brunt of the shuttling kids around/ feeding extra kids. Are there any activities that you could do on the nights that you don't have kids that are something just for you? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? 

It looks like you're in the USA, is that right? Unfortunately we're based in Australia so I don't have a whole lot of knowledge about how co-parenting mediation works there, but the other thing I'm wondering is whether or not it could be worth revisiting the custody arrangements with your ex husband- it sounds like a really tricky situation for you. 

I'm also just moving this post to our single parenting board so you may get some more support from other parents who've been through similar things.