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Co parenting -HELP

Co parenting -HELP

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Co parenting -HELP

Il try to make this short. I have 3 kids, 3, 6, 7. They go to their dads house about 3 hours after school one day a week and on fri night after school til saturday night so about 28 hours max. The living conditions there are a complete opposite of what they are like at my house. I just want to know if i am out of place or not. I mentioned to my kids father that he needs to clean up the kids room a bit because its getting a bit too bad ( obviously toys all over thre place, but also non vaccumed floors , all clothes on floor none what so ever on a hanger, old towel on floor etc) you can tell its unclean not just toy mess. I also mentioned that they always come home saying they dont brush their teeth there ever, hardly ever bath there, and alot of the time they come back in the same clothes they were wearing when i dropped them off. He has gotten mad at me and saying how dare i say he doesnt look after them and that i look like an idiot for thinking i know what goes on there. Iv never mentioned anything to him before because my thoughts were its only 1 night a week, and he wont change so what's the point. I know to a normal parent these things would just be normal but since to him they are not i just wanna know of anyone thinks i shouldn't of said anything and just kept the attitude of " its only one night a week" or that i did the right thing by saying something even tho its caused a huge fight between us. Thanks
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Re: Co parenting -HELP

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Hi @MotherDuck367 , 

 

That sounds really hard, especially when your kids are still so young. Dealing with different parenting styles and house rules when parents have separated can be an incredibly challenging part of life as a single parent. To a certain extent, some of this stuff may be out of your control - as long as the kids are safe, fed, and happy, unfortunately standards of cleanliness may be something that you have to let slide, as long as it's not unsafe or unhygienic. That being said, I would think it's a basic requirement that things like teeth cleaning and baths happen. I think it's totally valid to express concerns about teeth not being cleaned, and it's unfortunate that your ex seems to have got pretty defensive about that. 

 

I'm wondering if you and your ex partner have a parenting agreement at all? Some people find it helpful to have a plan that lays out basic expectations, the Raising Children's Network have a good resource about co-parenting plans and different strategies here that might be helpful too. 

 

I'll tag a few other single parents/ people in blended families here to get their input too @Stepmumma4 , @AudreyRose-94   - I really feel for you, I was a sole parent for several years (though in my case I had sole custody), it is an incredibly tough gig, and it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job. I know how relentless life as a single parent can be, are you able to use the time when you don't have your kids to do something that recharges your batteries a bit? 

 

If you're ever looking for someone extra to talk to, we do also have a free one to one parents support service, you can access that here

 

Thanks for posting here, and let us know how you're getting on Smiley Happy 

 

 

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