I am a 33 year old mother. I have had a really lonely life so far. My Mum was abusive and my Dad left when I was 2. Everyone in my family is sort of abusive it's a very toxic system and I got out of it. I am actually sick of sharing this part of my story because it's just **bleep** sad, and it's my life. I think about the abuse every day I get flashbacks of it. My own child is Autistic, and ADHD, so am I and I struggle with CPTSD, Depression, Anxiety. Going out to social things feels isolating, lonely, being at work felt isolating, lonely and I hated my stupid retail job which I'm now quitting. I have no idea which direction to take my life and my closest friends abandoned me during pregnancy over 7 years ago. I've had several failed friendships since then because I was attracted to abusive people subconsciously, just like my family. I'm finally starting to recognise patterns of abuse and overcome myself with meditation. But I still feel lonely. I don't think I've had one true person in my support network apart from my partner. Even I have my struggles with him though because of his own trauma he's overcoming, he gives me a lot of anxiety too. Our dog, the cherry on top lol we decided to get a dog for our son as a support animal. Turns out the dog had a hemivertebrae (kinked spine) and within 2 weeks of owning him his back legs are disabled and he can't walk on them. He's incontinent and has to be bathed regularly. I'm emotionally exhausted, burned out. I have no friends or people to vent this frustration to who would actually care. And I just feel really angry right now, angry and SAD that this is what life has dealt me. I'm recently only in touch with my emotions and this is what I'm coming up with. I've started streaming my game League of Legends at night time cause I'm pretty good at it and I feel anxious about that too.
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