Hey @Shadow, it's great to have you here, a big welcome to you
Thank you for sharing with us. I completely understand how you're feeling and it's completely understandable. It sounds like it's been a long, hard road and it does feel brutal when they abuse us for our efforts. I agree with @Nick-RO that they do it because we are a safe place for them to work things out. I don't accept the abuse and being put down though and I feel it's completely okay to set boundaries around that. Our case worker explained to me that the vile things coming out of my daughter's mouth were a reflection on what she was thinking and feeling about herself. Knowing that does help me realise that it's more about her than me. It doesn't make it okay, but it gave me understanding around the behaviour.
I can highly recommend the parent coaching @Nick-RO mentioned, and I encourage you to check it out. The coach can help you in setting those boundaries and also setting consequences. It helped me communicate wth my daughter about us setting some house rules which has been so useful.
It's fantastic you think you may have found the right person for your son. It can take time because there needs to be a connection for the counselling to work, so good on you for not giving up. I had the same issues with my daughter because she would test them and see how they reacted to her - similar to your son, she needs support but also to be called out and challenged in her thinking and reactions.
And good on you for seeking our family supports. It can be so beneficial and help you guys manage your way through this and remain strong as a family unit. It's very taxing, and when your energy levels are low, it's difficult to remain calm and be patient. We're human after all.
I wonder if the girls are the means to something that makes your son feel good about himself? It's great that you're talking to him about it and the effect it may have on the girls. Does he have a sister? I wonder if asking how he'd feel if his sister was treated in that way, would give him a different perspective on it?
You're doing an awesome job and the love you have for your whole family radiates from your posts.
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