About canadianmum

canadianmum · ‎08-20-2018

Bree-Ro - So true about the inner child...I tend to forget about her at times but the silver lining in dealing with the difficult situations in my family is that I am forced to reflect upon her and consider her :) With meditation, I have tried different things, and depending on my mood, I might just lay on my back and count my breaths, or sit cross legged and repeat a mantra or word, or lay with my legs up the wall. I like having some bansuri/yoga music playing which is easily found on youtube. Sometimes I set a timer - for anywhere between 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I also stretch. I try to calm my mind. This can take the entire time. I find meditation fascinating, the more we need it - the harder it is to do. I believe that it is the most profound thing we can do for our health. I heard that headspace and calm are good apps, but personally I prefer to just close my eyes, and breathe.

canadianmum · ‎08-18-2018

Hello Taokat, Thanks so much for asking how we are doing. In some ways, much better, my daughter is working now and seems to be on a more positive bent these days. I live 4 hours away from my family, so that is helpful when establishing healthy boundaries. Since the incident in July, I have spoken with my mother on the phone a few times but have not visited, nor do I plan to do so for a while. I have also had a chance to go through things in my own childhood with my therapist, who has suggested that my mother has narcissistic tendencies. This realization helps me in many ways, as I realize that her ability to change is limited. I do speak my mind, more so about other issues, than I used to - while staying calm and positive to prevent her from going into a rage or accusing me over the phone. Anyways, within all of this I am looking after myself through exercise, meditation, and am feeling quite good, actually. There is nothing worse than the panicky feeling that your child (or children) are horribly flawed and doomed. Unfortunately for me, my family makes me feel that way. Not much I can do but maintain a distance and choose carefully whether I want to expose me and my daughters to that negativity. I feel much better about myself as a mother now too, I guess healthy boundaries have a way of doing that. Thanks so much! And have a good day.

canadianmum · ‎07-11-2018

Hello Gina Ro and thank you for the welcome! I am getting support from a wonderful counsellor who helps me to process all this stress, complexity, and grief. I also have a loving fiance, he is my sounding board and also has a child with mental health issues. For me right now the hardest part is the rumination - I feel anger both at my daughter and my mother. They are very similar in that they feel completely free to speak their mind and I am often hurt at what they say to me in a critical way. The difference is of course, my daughter is my responsibility and she is still only 18 so I am compelled to try to take her side. I have decided, in light of this, to bow out of an upcoming family get together and instead of making excuses I will be completely honest with my mother and family and say that it is too stressful for me to attend. I am already have heart palpitations at the thought of speaking my mind and doing something that could be perceived as selfish. But, at the same time, I am cognizant of the fact that most of my major issues and stumbling blocks in my life at this moment have come from an overwhelming desire to please my mother and family, to not 'bite the hand that feeds you' as I have been told over and over, and to refrain from rocking the boat. Thanks for listening! Have a wonderful day!

canadianmum · ‎07-10-2018

Hello everyone! This is my first time posting here. I have 2 kids, my younger one (18) has had pretty major struggles in the past with depression, anxiety, and 2 suicide attempts last year. I feel that she has come a long way and am proud of the progress she is making. Last week, I took her to visit my family that lives a few hours away. She behaved ok for the most part, however at one point her and I got into an argument that eventually resolved itself. My mother went behind my back to let her know that she does not like the 'drama' that my daughter brings everytime we visit. I feel caught in this crazy family dynamic where my daughter is now made out to be the black sheep of the family. Basically, in my family, conflict is frowned upon, and portraying a 'perfect' life is rewarded. I feel frustrated as well with my daughter and what can be perceived as a rude or abrasive way about her. However, I also see her as someone who has struggles and quite possibly a borderline personality disorder or something else. I am getting her help, she is on meds, and I am feeling very alone and frightened as I am a single mom. Her father 'says' he loves her etc, however makes very little time for her. I worry that I am not coming down hard enough on her and excusing her bad behaviour (my family believes this to be true) however it is an extremely difficult thing to parent an older child with mental health issues. I did say to my mother that I am doing my very best, that my ex-husband created an extremely challenging family dynamic after we separated 7 years ago by undermining me, painting me as the villain who caused the break of the family, and then more or less abandoning his kids. I work full time and feel overwhelmed alot of the time. I told my mother as much, I feel like it fell on deaf ears though. I am not feeling like going back to visit my family with my daughter as I hate the way she is treated. I also worry that I am enabling her and allowing her to run the show. Sorry for the long post. I am very confused at the moment. Does anyone else feel 'stuck' in a similiar situation where it is hard to figure out who is wrong, who is right?

Date Registered	‎07-10-2018 12:47 AM
Date Last Visited	‎08-20-2018 06:17 PM
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Date Last Visited	‎08-20-2018 06:17 PM

About canadianmum

About canadianmum

About canadianmum

Re: Difficult teen girl...I feel caught in the mid...

Re: Difficult teen girl...I feel caught in the mid...

Re: Difficult teen girl...I feel caught in the mid...

Difficult teen girl...I feel caught in the middle ...