Hi! I'm new to this group. I feel like I've been going round and round in circles lately with my 17 year old son and getting nowhere. We are arguing all the time and something needs to change! I'm a single mum of two - my son and a 14 year old daughter. My relationship with my kids has always been good. We have always spoken honestly and openly about whatever is going on in our lives however, over the past year my son has become more private. I completely understand this, as a boy growing into his early stages of manhood - finding his boundaries, pushing the limits, wanting his freedom etc. I have tried to let him have his freedom and make his own choices but also keep boundaries. I feel now that it has become a huge struggle keeping those boundaries and that he is not respecting my point of view in most cases. He is in his last week of high school, has his first girlfriend, will be starting his apprenticeship full time as soon as school is over and I know he has a lot going on in his head as well as changes within his body. I feel like I have made allowances for that however he has (in my eyes - I don't know how it seems from an outsider's point of view and I would love some feedback on this) become very disrespectful of me. Whenever I try speaking to him about this, he always puts things back on me - saying that he is only talking to me the way I talk to him. He feels that I should 'ask' him to do things, rather than 'tell' him and often says that he's not my slave! He questions me about my decisions and I end up feeling so confused about what I started saying that I end up walking away or just giving up. I feel like I'm on a see saw. One minute I feel like I know what I need to be doing - to give him more discpline and come down harder on him, telling him that he just needs to respect what I'm saying because I'm his mum and the next I feel that I need to consider his feelings more and maybe I have been talking to him badly. A few months ago I met a man. We haven't seen a lot of each other as he lives almost 3 hours away but he and my kids and have spent a few days together. My kids think he's ok and he likes my kids so I don't feel that there's any dramas there ... but he has offered to 'step in' and give my son a talk about respecting his mother, etc the next time he's up. My son has already expressed his feelings about not wanting him to take on that role (as other ex partners have done in the past). He feels that no man (other than his father) has any right to talk to him about matters that don't concern him, things that are between himself and I. I can see his point of view but I also feel that he needs a man's input. I want him to see and understand that is what happens when two people are together - they help and support each other. My kids' father is not very authorative. He is more into feelings and allowing the kids to express themselves. In the past when I have asked him to talk to them, he has not always taken my side and thinks I'm being too hard on them. I am scared that if my partner does talk to him, my son will end up hating him which could cause more problems and I am also scared that if I don't get someone to talk to him, things will just get worse. I'm just not sure what to do. I feel sad, I feel like I'm losing the beautiful connection my son and I used to have and I am sick of arguing with him. So many times I feel like telling him to go and live with his Dad but I feel that's only running away from the problem and I don't want him to go either. I just don't want us to keep on being this way with each other. So, any words of wisdom, advice, suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!!! Thank you.
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