Exactly keep it real, explain the good and bad things, kids aren't stupid, if everyone else is doing it, it can't be that bad. As teenagers they want to make their own minds up about things, by giving them support and advice they can trust you and by seeing that you trust them to helps them to feel more able to take what you have to say into account. And helps them feel more able to make their own mind up and not be peer pressured as much. ... View more

Hi, this is a difficult subject as teens are turning into adults, I was brought up in England and growing up as children we were allowed to drink, we all drank a bit but not much, now as adults none of my family are big drinkers.   i think a lot of people turn it into a big issue, by making it seem like some big issue.  I allowed my children to have sips of my drinks as they grew up, If I drink it's mainly beer so not too strong.  My children now don't drink much at if at all!  My son had a party and some parents were angry with me because they were worried about their kids and I did not get it, until the party started,wow those kids got out of control!  The ones who were the most sensible were the ones who had grown up with it not being a big deal. That son when he turned 21 all his friends wanted him to have a yard of ? As apparently it's custom, he was not at all keen, so had no alcoholic beer as he does not want to waste the day feeling bad, there are far more important things to do.   i would also say it's about communication, trust and love.  Not do as I say and not as I do!  If you want your child to have a good start, being the person you hope they can be is always a good model for them. ... View more

@Lizzy Dear Lizzy,  it sounds like you have done really well taking a step back and giving your daughter space I'm so proud of you!  You say she has been on much more of an even keel! Wow that's fantastic you should celebrate!   Now she is going away for 2weeks it's normal to worry,you say there is a great team of people around her, can you trust that they will keep her safe? It is fantastic that she has things to look forward to!  Keep focusing on all those good thoughts! If you feel she can't talk to you that's ok, is there anyone else she can talk to?   Now I'm sure admin won't like me saying this but I completed an amazing coaching class which lasted over a year.  So when I was a trainee I had a new client emailed to me who I coached 3 or 4 times for free.  I did not realise at first that she was only 15.  Anyhow, I can't disclose to much as it is confidential, but to say her relationship with her mum and some of her friends was not good, she was quite depressed.  By the time I had finished with her, she had made so many great changes in her thinking and feeling.  She was really happy and getting on with her mum, she got into some exciting things that she did not feel were possible and started having a great relationship withher friends,  so I'm suggesting that this may be a good option for your daughter.  It's totally free.  As the coaching is on her terms, it's not like counselling that requires a lot of talking about the past, although a little usually helps.  The people who I talk to are all amazed at how good they feel after a session. I'm not sure how you mention it too her though!  Also I highly recommend you look into it as it is great thing for you to do for yourself!   ... View more

Hi @Lizzy  wow well done!  it sounds like you have done a lot of great work!  i'm really proud of you!   keep up the open non judgemental dialoge.  A question for you that is not to do with your daughter......  I understand that being a parent is extreemly worrying,  trust me I have had lots to worry about,  the questions I want to ask you are 1)  how is worrying helping you and your daughter feel better? 2)  if you were to give advice to someone in your situation what advice would you give regarding the continuing worrying?   Just asking because of course worrying is important, it helps you reach out like you have done, however, sometimes it takes over and stops us living joyfully.  so i am saying this as every moment you spend with your kids can be joyful moments!    So clebrate how far you have both come! Congratulate her for being more open and honest!  And enjoy the times you have together!   Much love ... View more

@Kalis hi there I appreciate your observations yes i am certainly not suggesting dietary advice mearly as you said mentioning that a helathy diet is important,  and yes when I talked about the positive, it means focusing on his positive behaviour and not getting to hung up on the negative behaviour, to to this i found that I had to not become emotionally involved in his behaviour :-) ... View more

Hi @Lizzy,  you are doing great,  it's obvious how much you love her!  Do you have any time when you can do something with just her on a regular basis? Maybe play netball together or something else?  Do it on her terms, which may mean you don't give her advice, ask her what the rules are and stick to them.  Controling her internet is saying you don't trust her, this may make her feel evern worse as she is developing into an adult who needs to learn to make mistakes and if you don't trust her how can she learn to trust herself?  Try to put yourself in her shoes, it is confusing becoming an adult, not only that but there are a lot of strange feelings and hormones flying around, there is also the feeling of being grown up and still being a child.  Now I know its hard to put yourself in her shoes as you so not feel or think the same way, but as a teenager i'm sure you made mistakes to, and I don't know about you but some of the things that have really helped me in life are the lessons I learnt from the mistakes I made as a teenager.  That said I understand that you are fearful for her saftey.  I am not there so maybe it is the best thing you can do, but just think about it, Is there a converation you could have around internet saftey?  Is there a comprimise you can come to together?  Tell her your concerns and worries and ask her what would she do if she were you?     When I said diet, maybe there is something she is allergic to? ... View more

sounds like you are a loving supportive mum!  its really hard to watch our children harming themselves physically and mentally,  how often do you notice the good things she is doing, its brilliant she has that writing on her hand to help her, she is showing that she is trying to control herself,  I might be wrong but it may also have something to do with her hormones, or diet.  ... View more

Hi, not quite on the subject of the safe sex, but onthe therapist point, have you thought about a coach, as coaches do not need you to go all the way through your life story, they have a way of asking questions to bring out deeper hidden thoughts and they have tools to help improve the thoughts and change patterns that are not working, so that a person can feel renewed energised and positive about life ... View more

Hi Lizzy, im sorry to hear about your daughter. have you told her how scared she is making you? have you talked to her about what does things does she like in her life? what makes her laugh? ... View more

1) 28, 22,18 my eldest sent me a link for a personalised number plate for me this morning 2) I would laugh with my kids, and tell myself that they are learning to be there own person, so if it is difficult they are just feeling their way and I am here to help them when they need it. 3)I am a coach, who helps people to feel better and enjoy amazing relationships with themselves and all the people who are around them.  My eldest child was a massive learning for me as he has a huge iq, very hyperactive and extreemly emotionaly sensitive.  He is also a master maniputater, so an expert on what buttons to push to get reactions from people.  He craved attention and found getting negative attention was easy to get.  I don't know if any of you know this but negative attention is far better than no attention.  there are a lot of studies to prove this.  Anyway I felt that no-one had a child who was as hard to parent as I did, and I often hated it when people said "i blame the parents"  I thought to myself i love my son and I am doing the best I can.  So having gone through many years of guilt and not feeling good enough, I learnt ways to change the story, and although now I am still not the best parent in the world I know I am a great parent.  So I joined the community to offer some help to others who may feel as I did,  and also if I can help in any way it not only helps the parent to feel better but also helps the children have a better future! 4) top tip Love your child unconditionally, be kind to yourself, its okay to get angry, but try to explain calmly why you are angry. be open and honest with your child 5)having time to spend with my friends, family ... View more

Dear Tulips,   Well done for reaching out!  Sounds like things are hard at the moment,  so sending you a big hug.  I have been through lots with my children particuarlly my oldest, who had depression adhd and wanted to kill himself.  I was fighting with him every night and then one day I made a decission it was not working the way things were going so I had to change.  So i changed the way I parented.  I stoped noticing the bad things and started putting massive attention on the positive!  this helped enourmously!  So lovely lady I have a small task for you,  how would it feel to get a pen and some paper and note down,  3 positive aspects of your son, daughter. husband and lastly yourself, 3 things you like about them and 3 things you love about them? please be kind to yourself,  you are not alone!   Another thing that may help is have you looked at the family diet, certain foods can bring our bodies down and lead to depression.  I'm not a dietision so I can not advise, just a thought though!   ... View more