Hi, Has any parent had to go with the "TOUGH LOVE" approach? With my just 20 year old daughter, iv'e had to do just that recently as there was no other choice. I am really struggling, and my heart is breaking. Im hoping for advice on how to cope and how to stay strong.
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My daughter only spent a few months on and off at her dads. However her cannabis smoking has now turned into a really bad full-time addiction. She does smoke it because of depression due to 2 really awful traumatic events that happened to her. Going back a few years ago her boyfriend (at the time) tried to commit suicide in front of her. This completely changed her as a person, and she associated smoking cannabis with suppressing feelings. She did go to headspace, and it takes alot her her to open up to someone and after 4 sessions when she finally did feel comfortable the counsellor decided that she wasnt the right person to help her and reffered her to CAMS as my daughter had PTSD. My daughter refused to go. But after all this i did manage to get her off the weed. But as of today its a huge problem that is not only affecting my daughter, its affecting the whole family. My daughter doesnt and has never worked, she spends all day in bed stoned. I have put all my effort into trying to help her and getting her help, but she wont take it. So im at the point now where my only option is to do the tough love thing and cut her off completely. She has been at a friends house for the last 2 weeks since her and her boyfriend broke up. So i have been in contact with Uniting Care ReGen about rehab treatments. And as we speak im in the process of writing a message to my daughter letting her know that she isnt allowed back home unless she agrees to do some type of withdrawal and rehab program with ongoing counselling. Its killing me having to do this but this is what it has come to. Her mood swings have turned into these fits of rage, we are all walking on eggshells around her when shes here and this is no way for my son, partner or myself to live. So im trying to write her a message explaining this and what the rules are, im finding it quite difficult, as i want to message to be sturn but simple.
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I Know what your going through, my daughter is a weed smoker, it started off with her and some friends doing it every now and again for fun, and she enjoyed it. But its now almost like a full time job for her. She is now a full time 24/7 smoker. Her mood swings have now turned into frightening fits of rage. She is now 20 but has the mentality of a 15 year old, she isnt even a functioning dope smoker, has no job, it has completly consumed her life.
However a couple of years ago when i realised i was just hitting a brick wall trying to get her to stop, or we would fight about it and she would leave and go to a friends house for days. So i said to her ok, your smoking weed, this is whats going to happen. I am to be in charge of the weed, you give it to me. I will give you some at the start of the day and what i give you is all you get for that day and no more. This way i could monitor her intake. In doing this giving her the weed at the start of the day turned into her getting it around lunchtime, then it went to her getting it late in the afternoon (the amount decreasing each time) it got to the point where she stopped asking for it and did touch it for 8 weeks, and its almost like she didnt realise.
However her nan died and her father relied heavily on her staying with him because he could cope. He is a dope smoker and was giving her weed while she was there. Since then its spiraled out of control.
me taking charge of the weed and giving it to her i think helped quite alot (until her dad came along). This could be something maybe you could try. Good luck X
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I had very similar issues with my daughter and my son. My daughter went through a very trumatic event and refused to go to school, she didnt go for a year then trying to get her back into mainstream, she was just to disconnected. I live in the Hume area and found The Gateway school at Broadmeadows youth centre. Its registered with the department of education and is linked in with a local secondary college. There are 2 class groups, with roughly 10 students in each group. They attend 4 days a week for 2 hours a day, tghey can complete year 10 11 and 12 here or do a tafe course aswell or vet course. They also help with getting them a job and offer different types of counselling. It was a god send for my daughter. My son who fell way behind in mainstream school and suffered from shocking anxiety from living with his abusive father for 2 years now goes to this school too. He has only been going a few months, but the change is amazing. his anxiety has gone, and he is so enthusiastic about the future and learning. It might not be mainstream, but they will finish school with an education, its just done to suit them. Good luck
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