I have!!!!! My daughter just turned 12 a couple days ago. She is an emotional wreck. The emotions she shows are always against the situation. She still throws tamper tantrums, and it just seems that she is emotionally immature for her age. You have to walk on eggshells all the time. When it's time to do her homework or chores, she will just get in trouble on purpose so that she can go cry herself to sleep. It's very hard. I started to blame middle child syndrome, but this goes way beyond that. Other people in the family notice it as well, so I know I'm not over reacting. Her dad used to work with special needs patients and would take care of them in their homes. She is not that badly affected, but he did recognize certain behaviors. I might add she is very behind in school (test score wise on her Istep, or Iread, etc., each state have different tests). I planned on taking her to counseling, but then she acts traumatized over us using at her and makes me nervous like she's going to go into a session over exaggerating. What if she tried to make us seem abusive or something??
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I know it's really easy to place blame in these situations, but honestly, the only blame goes to the paternal party. You probably had no friends, family was probably few and far between (except Holidays), and you just didn't have anyone to talk to. You needed support & comfort as well, and you got it within your children. It's not typical, and maybe even frowned upon to some; but i always tell people you CANNOT judge any situation until you've been in it. Your son will come around. It'll take awhile, so be patient with him. If you're still in contact with your husband, your son probably feels like you never "completely" left. Does that make sense? You will need to use the other siblings as your primary source to relay messages for now. Maybe they can convince him into family therapy (without dad of course)? They can start as the team of siblings all the while, you can be going to the same therapist alone. Start that way. Then eventually, when he's comfortable with the therapist, maybe they can introduce you into the sessions. A lot of people don't initially seek help because it's a stranger, with a perfect life judging me with my messed up one. Which is not the case. When i first started to read your post, it brought back my childhood memories. I watched my mom & step dad physically abuse each other for years. It did traumatized me. In relationships, i would flinch when there were sudden movement close to my face. Simple arguments scared me because i assumed violence was next up. I DO understand my mother stayed because financially, we would've never made it. I use to think money grew on bushes and we'd be OK anywhere. Now that I'm adult with children, i understand there were FREE services we could've used, and sometimes the alternative IS better than staying. I wish you all the best! If you would like someone to talk to, i am here! WE all are.
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