Dear Parent of Twha Welcome to our Reach Out Parent Forum. I've been coming here regularly for a few months now, after losing much connection with my local friends and parents of teens due to covid. I have a medical condition and need to be very careful, so this forum has been very helpful. We have a 16 year old son who has just gone into Year 12 and a 14 year old daughter about to go into Year 10. My family experiences strong tendencies towards anxiety and my Great Grandfather had severe OCD and a phobia of germs and was into compulsive handwashing. The family hushed that up and it was only once my mother's cousin was diagnosed with OCD at a clinical level that I started to wake up and see the signs of something which is spread throughout the family to varying degrees. It seems that these people don't have a cut off switch and get into all sorts of extremes. Both my brother and second cousin got into exercise doing hundreds and maybe even a thousand reps. There's a lot of food fussiness and the perfectionism can be a curse. I only came to recognise this horrible perfectionism in myself a few years ago, because it didn't come across to me as perfectionism, but failure. Not being good enough. I only came to appreciate this after seeing my daughter in action. Not only did she have this striving for perfection in herself, she also expected it from me and in areas that weren't my strengths. When she was in year 5, she got into the opportunity class and they seemed to have an overall level of OCD and it was very interesting as a class trying to decorate their Christmas tree together. They were all so particularly it was like adjusting a slightly crooked painting on the wall. Witht he selective school tests coming up, he OCD flared up and she was counting to threes and taking forever to get ready. She arranged her books in rainbow order and her handwriting is small and meticulous, and yet her bedroom looks like a bomb has gone off in it. That might be the flip side of the OCD. I took her to a psychologist but it didn't go well. She curled up in a ball and went silent. It was painful. I have tried to help her since then, and she's mostly been much better, although she's studying to be a ballerina which is fraught with perfectionism. I personally feel that it would be a mistake for your son to pull out of areas in his life that are going well, as it would only increase his feelings of failure. Success builds on success and failure does the same. Rather, I would try to find areas of relaxation to juxtapose the stress. I've never been good at sitting still and meditating but I love photography and that also involves focusing on a point, which calms your system down. Photography also getting me walking, and exploring which is also relaxing but not in a clinical kind of way. I also do a lot of very detailed research, which I love, but it's also important to see the bigger picture both in terms of looking out to sea and seeing the horizon and expanding your physical outlook, but also to see the overall picture. Otherwise, you can get stuck with tunnel vision. I also encourage you to work on what is going well and nurture those areas. Your son would also be one who would benefit from knowing there are a number of different pathways into university and the course of their choice. Other kids, need the pressure and the the hard word to get them moving. It's not a case of one size fits all. I hope that's helpful. Best wishes, Birdwings
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