Hi @buyamardeep, welcome to the parents forum. We hope you find great support on the parents forum from the community of other parents.  ... View more

Hi @Father_of_two sorry to hear about your struggles with your wife and children right now. It sounds like a difficult position to be in as you are moving to a new country and you seem to be getting the hunch that your wife might want more freedom. Does she agree to counselling and if so, is this something you can pay for? It can be difficult to receive support from family services and sometimes it can take time as well. Would you be open to seeking family support in the country that you are moving to? It might be worthwhile looking into this as it may take some time for you and your wife to resolve some matters. Sometimes these things cannot be "fixed" by a certain date and time, they are resolved in their own time. If you wife is not open to seeking support through a counsellor or another professional this may make things difficult engage these services and both of you will need be invested in the therapy. Is there a way to reach some sort of agreement where she is able to have some free time but also help you with the children? What do you think you could use as a bargaining tool with her? What deal do you think you could strike that would honour you, her and the children? ... View more

Hi @Ap2021,   It must be so difficult for you to be stuck in the middle of your partner's and daughter's arguments. It can be tough to be the mediator between two people that you care about so much and really want to get along. Arguments within the family affect everyone and within the household and it's understandable that you would be miserable with this scenario. I have attached an article for you to read, which provides some tips on how to deal with conflict within the family.    https://au.reachout.com/articles/conflict-with-family   It sounds like both your partner and daughter are not able to see each other's view and resentment might be increasing as time goes on. Would they consider having mediation/counselling in order to share their point across to each other? It sounds like they both need space to be heard and would benefit from understanding one another. A professional and neutral party might assist with this without being caught in the middle. It might be more challenging for family members to be in the position as mediator because, there may be a pull on both ends and both sides may think that the other is being favoured.  ... View more

Hi @Daynada05,   Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time with your girls. This must be so painful to see your ex's manipulation working on your girls. I can imagine how hard it must be to want to speak to your girls and them not giving you a chance to explain. This can be a tricky situation to explain to them if they are not open to listening to you. If they are open to listen to you then it might be worthwhile to explain to them very logically what had happened. Then follow on by letting them know from your heart space how much all your children mean to you, thus not wanting any of them to get hurt. It can be difficult to have these talks when they are getting confusing messages from one parent. I am also wondering if you believe that your girls are safe being with their father. You mentioned that the oldest lives with her father do the other girls as well? If the girls are unsafe are you comfortable enough to contact Child Protection? The girls and your ex may not be happy with this as supports may be put in place, however if you believe they are unsafe it might help them in the long run. Does he still get drunk while they are around and is it often? Are there any other behaviours of his that may be affecting your children on the emotional or mental level? Do you think you and your girls could work with a family therapist who can help you resolve this conflict among you? This might be helpful as it will be mediated by a neutral party. Is it possible for you and your daughters to go out and have a girl’s day out, start off by having a bit of fun and then gently discuss the topic? Is there another family member that the girls like being around that could help support an outing with you and them? It might help the interactions with all of you and might make the conversation go smoothly. Do you think any of these suggestions would work for you? ... View more

HI @MelorMel, yes you are right dealing with a teenager and dealing with a partner are very different things indeed. Sometimes partners do need a bit of time to understand this kind of situation. It's great that you have also been linked in with a psychologist for yourself. I can imagine that  there would be complex behaviours would be triggering for you. You will also need to look after yourself after what has happened. Family Violence is a very traumatic for everyone involved.  ... View more

Hi @eitak1,   These supports are great. Thank you for you input, encouragement and support to the community. It's wonderful to see the community helping others.  ... View more

Hi @MelorMel,   It's so great that you have set your son up with appropriate supports as living through family violence creates a lot of trauma and the affects, unfortunately linger on well after the family violence has stopped. It's wonderful that you understand that supporting your son to get through this is very beneficial to him and it normally takes time to see the behavioural issues decrease. Would your partner speak to the psychologist about the impacts on teens who have gone through such experiences? It might also be worth reaching out youth worker/youth service or family violence worker who can explain the behaviours in teens. Below is some information for your partner to read. It sounds like that maybe your partner might benefit from speaking to a professional who deals with young people who have been in the same situation. It might be challenging for them to understand, particularly if they haven't had the same experience. https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-school-and-education/how-to-help-a-teen-who-doesnt-want-to-go-to-school https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/domestic-violence-and-teenagers https://www.thewholechild.org/parent-resources/age-13-18/parenting-tips-age-13-18/domestic-violence-impact-on-teens-ages-13-18/ https://www.thelookout.org.au/other-professionals/responding-family-violence/family-violence-and-childrenadolescents Would your partner attend a parenting course to try and understand your son's development after his experiences? The school may be a great resource in linking you both in to attend such programs. It might also be useful for them to get advice from Kids Helpline https://kidshelpline.com.au/ or Headspace https://headspace.org.au/. Both organizations support children and young people and may be able to provide useful information on this topic. They can also speak to a counsellor and ask questions to clarify on how to support your son. Hopefully, this is enough information for you both and you find the support you need. ... View more

Hi @Uffers55,   Sorry to hear that you are struggling with your son wanting to go attend school. This can be a tricky age, teens do become physically bigger at this age and can be more abstinent. Have you thought about approaching his school and asking what support they can put in place? They may be able to link you in with an outreach program or a mentor program of some kind.   Do you think it would be worth your while to seek support through a case worker/social worker? Would you consider referring yourself to Family Services Case Worker/Social Worker who can help you with your parenting capacity around supporting your son and potentially other areas as well? For example, you could look at your local not for profile agency and refer yourself to them such as Anglicare, there are many more as well.    You may also want to consider youth support agencies as well to see if they have any tips or suggestions on how to have your son reengage in school again. Speaking to his school would be the first point of call and take it from there.   Wishing you and your family well. ... View more

Hi @Argie1234,   Hopefully you find some tips and suggestions that would help you deal with this situation. Indeed, this world of social media and phones is a very different world to what most parents grew up in. All the best and we wish that you get what you need from the webinar.  ... View more

HI @Dadof3,   If the lines of communication are open sometimes some autonomy can create the space for children to figure things out on their own, making calculated decisions, while you are part of their process. Also, having weekly meeting could be a learning experience for your daughter how to deal with stakeholders/partners etc. If you and your wife are willing to do this together there are ways that you could use this opportunity to help your daughter understand the real world and the hard work, it will take to succeed in career as well as taking care of other necessary things as well.    I hope this suggestion helps you and your wife form the best outcome for your family.       ... View more

Hi @Birdwings,   It's great that you have found methods and techniques that work for you children and are implementing them. Knowing when it is ok support your children and knowing when issues are out of your scope is a powerful stance to take and it sounds like you are aware of what you can handle and what your children need right now. It can be a challenge for parents when they are not able to support their children, not know where to turn and have a sense of powerlessness regarding obtaining the services that their children require.    Yes, the internet can be both helpful and unhelpful at times and sometimes we need to be diligent with the advice we take on. At times we may need to do more research than at other times. These are the benefits and downfalls of our electronic age.   By all means if what you're doing is working out for you that's great. If you ever need support, please do not hesitate to ask.    ... View more

Hi @stranger401,   Sorry to hear about what is happening with your son. This must be so difficult for you watch and I can only imagine what you are going through. It sounds like you have tried a lot to find support for your son and it can be very challenging to get a service in place for him if he refuses to go. In this case looking for an outreach program may be a good option for him.   There is a program that offers outreach services and it's called Pathways to Counselling and Family Services which is offered through Baptist Care. Here is the link https://baptistcare.org.au/counselling-and-family-services. Maybe you could have a discussion with them about their service.    Beyond Blue is also offering phone or online sessions through their New Access program, if you think he will be enticed to do that. Here is the link:  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess.   Have you also spoken to your GP and asked if they are aware of any organization that will offer outreach services? They may know of a community health centre that might be able to provide this in your area.   Hopefully, you are able to get the appropriate supports for you son, so that he can live a vibrant and fulfilling life.    ... View more

Hi @Mamasburntout,   So sorry to hear of your struggles with your child. I can only imagine that this would be devastating, exhausting and overwhelming for you. It sounds like you are doing so much for your family and it must be so challenging to be doing this on your own without much support. I recognise you're tired and have big things to worry about right now. Hopefully you can find small ways to look after yourself that will carry you through such heartbreaking and difficult times.  ... View more

Hi @WorriedMom2021,   Sorry to hear about your struggles with your son as it seems like a very tricky situation. Is there a local GP that can do home visits to your son. Is it possible that your son might need a Mental Health Assessment? Is there a hotline that you can call such as Nurses On Call that can give you some local advice as to who you can potentially reach out to? Your son's school may also be a great resource here as they may know of outreach programs that can support your son or at lease offer some tips or advice in how to support him. There may also be a hotline of counsellors/psychologist you may be able to call to get advice on tips and local supports. Does your doctor's office have a mental health liaison that you can have a chat with?   Hopefully some of these suggestions open the door to seeking more appropriate supports for your family.  We can only imagine how tough things are for you all right now. ... View more

Hey @Cluskey,   This age for girls can be a real turning point and teenagers do go through a normal process of rebellion and wanting to change their appearance. In saying that more could potentially be happening, as she may be showing signs of poor mental health and potentially being a victim of a toxic friendship. It's great that you have spoken to the school and they are keeping an eye on things. If you think that they are not doing enough or they could be doing more it help to keep informing them of your concerns, so that they are aware your worries are impacting your family.   Would you be able to take your daughter to you GP or another professional she can trust to talk to, possibly without you if she is secretive to get insight as to what is happening? It might be beneficial to discuss a potential mental health diagnosis and find treatment for it, if need be. Is there a way of speaking with the school to link her in with a mentor, youth worker, youth group or other program/supports for your daughter to attend? Is there a particular activity or club that she would like join? This might be a way for her to partake and engage with positive relationships and activities.    Hopefully this helps in finding supports in your local area. ... View more

Hey @mummyof3boys,   I have found some articles that may help you on this topic. Some articles talk about  a car seat clip that may be purchased. There are other helpful suggestions as well, hopefully they are useful to you.   https://cafemom.com/parenting/180406-kid_unbuckle_car_seat_stop   https://safeconvertiblecarseats.com/learn/how-to-keep-toddler-from-unbuckling-car-seat/   https://www.simplemost.com/11-clever-tricks-to-keep-kids-buckled-in-car-seats/   ... View more

Hello @crazysadmum,   Very sorry to hear that you and your family have endured so much due to supporting and caring for your daughter's ex. it must be so difficult to let him go and to accept that a person you cared so much for has left and blocked any contact with you all. It's understandable that you would all be so hurt by him saying so many horrible things and your daughter knowing she was cheated on by this boy, after all the help you have all provided him. Indeed, sometimes when children who enter the system become confused and have a lot of emotions come to the surface when they begin to engage with their biological family. They can relive their trauma and act from a hurt place. As the saying goes, "hurt people, hurt people". As he is legally an adult, he may be trying to find his identity and understand who he is. This can be difficult with mental illness; however it is a process that most find essential. He may come back in a positive light one day and it will be up to you and your family if you are willing to take another chance on him. Some even stay away for several years, before they approach their loved one and supports for forgiveness and to make amends again. I understand that this may be difficult for you to think about, it's just to state that this can be a normal process of events. If the shame is not too much for him to bare, he may open the door for contact again later down the track, although right now he has no remorse. Is there any chance of you and your husband reconnecting again and supporting each other through this tough time? 30 years is a long time to be married and it seems like you would have been through a lot together. Can you try to find some support for yourself and your daughter? It sounds like it might be beneficial for you both to look after each other during this time and lend yourselves some of this care that you have given to her ex. Hopefully you are able to direct some of that love and care to yourselves and each other at this time. It seems like you all have a lot of love to give and it must be difficult to give it to someone who is rejecting it and not recycling it right now. Wishing you and your family the best. ... View more

Hi @Sued1,   It sounds like your search has been very comprehensive indeed. Sorry we couldn't help you more. All the best with this moving forward. I truly hope you find what is needed for him. ... View more

Hi @Sued1,   It seems that you may be correct about the gap.  There are courses for an adolescence if they use physical force/violence to influence others, however it is usually in the form of family therapy.  Have you spoken to the school to see if they can link him into a program? You may also want to seek advice or support from a local youth support network as they may know what local programs are running and/or can notify you when programs come around.  You may also try to make contact with your local family violence hub as they may know of programs for teens.  I'm not saying that there is family violence within your home, just thought there might be another place to look.  You may also want to speak to a youth worker, family services worker or any social worker as they should be in the know about these things or give you some direction as to whom you can ask.  You can also ask you child if the are interested in having a mentor and link him in.  Sometimes the police department have very good programs as well that you could look into. ... View more

Hi @Sued1,   What I found are articles and courses that are for people who are already quite sensitive.  This may not be helpful for you but I have posted the links in case you can put things together.  The recommendation is that ongoing counselling will help as it will take time to genuinely be empathic and will be a working progress.  Below are some links that I found.  I hope they help.   https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-bullying-behaviour/help-your-teenager-develop-empathy   https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15374416.2020.1846541   https://www.counseling.org/resources/library/Selected%20Topics/Bullying/School_Based_Program.html   https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10964-014-0135-6   https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/mar/30/no-quick-fix-improving-empathy-requires-prolonged-and-intense-therapy-experts-say    https://www.udemy.com/topic/empathy/   https://empathyacademy.org/   https://www.learningforjustice.org/magazine/empathy-the-antidote-to-bullying   https://www.safetrac.com.au/product/anti-bullying-and-anti-harassment-course/?gclid=CjwKCAjw3pWDBhB3EiwAV1c5rEyufDjkhzD6AmMXwlPwctD3NfB4N3elL8sux4-Ox-Z7dfdTeokOrhoCuPQQAvD_BwE ... View more

HI @qwerty11,   Uh I understand.  Ask the school if they can make a referral for a mentor or a youth worker that can do outreach visits.  Some schools are linked in with different programs.     ... View more

Hi @qwerty11 ,   It sounds like your daughter has been quite open with you and that is so great.  It sounds like you are being very proactive with resolving this issue for her and sounds like she is being supported vastly by you.  If the school is saying that you have nothing to worry about that is a very good sign.  Kudos for speaking to a guidance officer and the school have them work with your daughter to have the school day be more interesting.  It is a shame that she is not getting more tasks that are on her level.   It sounds like your daughter has many activities to stimulate her and support her development.  If your daughter is being open with you that is incredibly positive.  If she continues to come to you with any concerns you will then be a position of resolution and negotiation.   Hopefully this continues and there will be a fruitful outcome for all.   ... View more

HI @qwerty11,   It's understandable that you would be distressed about your daughter. It seems that she is very high achieving, has her whole life in front of her and it appears that to be making choices that may not be beneficial for her. I can imagine this is stressful and that you would want answers. Did you ever find out where she was going and with whom? Is it a possibility that she is wanting a difference of activities and connections in her life? Is it possible that there was bullying and as a way of having a sense of belonging, began to abscond from school? If so, she could see this as a way to be accepted by the other children, particularly as they are older than her. Also is staying away from school a way of not showing the other children how well she is doing? If there is bullying it may be a way of hiding her high marks from them. I'm wondering if she was looking to do more things that she considered fun? At age 15 most children begin to rebel as a way to find their voice and find their own identity. Rebelling and risk taking is part of a child's development, which fit in appropriately with this stage of development. Would she consider engaging with a mentor or a youth worker who she can spend time with her, take her out, converse with her and maybe she might provide more information as to why she isn't attending (if there is another reason). Potentially there are no other reasons for refusing school, however they may be able to encourage her to attend again. You can also look for a counsellor that she can speak with, however maybe an informal one might work best. Have you spoken to the school about what programs they can link her in with to have her reengage with school again? Having a close relationship with the school may be very useful as they can support your family with this situation. They may be able to have someone come to your home and work with coaxing her back to school. In times professional supports can do wonders and may offer a fresh perspective. Have you asked her what she would like out of her school day and how it can be better for her? Her answer could tell you a lot. I can understand not wanting to progress her to another year as socially this can may put her out of place. As she doesn't want to change schools it might be worthwhile why she likes her current school. I would say firstly have a discuss with the school and create a relationship. They should be able to link you in from there. I hope this helps you. Wishing you and your family all the best with this. ... View more

Hi @Rachel12345,   Hopefully the experience with the hospital improves. It can be difficult if hospital do not provide resources.    It's great that you have a supportive family, it can make a world of difference in times like these.    Rehab can be difficult place to settle into and it is normal for people to have "buyers remorse" when first entering.  It is very strong of you to say no to him and not pick him up.  Wishing you all the best moving forward. ... View more

Hey @CocoaM,   I can understand how that must be heartbreaking to want to help your daughter, make everything ok for her and have to trust a system that appears to be working against your best interests.  Indeed, it must be scary for your 16 year old daughter to have to represent herself in such a critical state.  I can't even imagine how frustrated and angry you would be.  Hopefully your daughter receives the appropriate services that will sufficiently support her on an ongoing basis.  It might be worthwhile to look at applying for NDIS when a diagnosis comes through for extra support. ... View more

Hi @Bacardi,   I can only imagine how stressed you must be with this situation.  I understand that you want to keep your daughter safe as well as respect her autonomy.  The decision to confiscate her bank card is a very tricky one to make and is a hard one to answer.      Have you thought about discussing this situation with her school, so that they can keep an eye on things while she's there?  Also have you thought about participating in a parenting program that focuses on children in her age group and/or a family program that may deal with this topic in a sensitive, non-judgmental, yet informative way?  This may include both parents and child to attend. Your daughter's school may be able to direct you with what supports that are out there.  It might be of benefit to have your daughter join a mentor program, this can help to her to have a positive role model in her life that is outside of the family.  Sometimes this can be a huge support for children.   I wish you and your family the best outcome.   ... View more

HI @Caz123,   It can be quite heartbreaking to see your son not being able to make a strong friendship group.  It must be so difficult to see this and not be able to change things for him and make things better.     I'm wondering if you have had a chat with his school and see if there is any way that they can support him with making a friend(s). They may know of other children who are also struggling to make friends and find a way to pair them up with your son discretely.  I'm also wondering if the school is aware of any bullying that is happening?  A lot of children may choose to not discuss this with parents and this may be a factor of his shyness.    Are there any activities he would like to do outside of school?  Would he be interested in starting up a sporting activity for example or another sort of activity that may not require much talking at first and can lead to building friendships over time?  Some sort of club that gets his interest might be a good place to start as he will be around others of like mind.  Are there any youth groups in your area that he would like to give a go?     Here is a video that may help your son see that the is not alone:  https://au.reachout.com/videos/friendships   Articles to read: https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-make-friends-at-school https://au.reachout.com/delivered/friendships ... View more

Hi @Pleasehelp101 ,   I understand it must be tough to have your son not want to go to school.  It may be difficult for your son to understand the repercussions of not going to school.  I'm wondering if you have spoken to your son about his reasoning for not wanting to go to school?  Is it possible that there is barrier for him to enjoy school?  Have you tried to talk the the teachers at the school to see if anything was happening towards the end of last eg: bullying or issues with another student/(s)?  It's possible that your son is experiencing some anxiety regarding returning to school, particularly as he would have spent a lot of time home last year.  If he continues to refuse to go to school, you could try to reach out to the school and see if they can put any supports in place.     Attached is an article for you to read if it pleases you https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-school-and-education/how-to-help-a-teen-who-doesnt-want-to-go-to-school  .   You can also call parentline and look through their website for more information and advice.   ... View more