Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences about your daughter’s recent change in behavior. It sounds like you really care for your daughter and want to do what’s best for her but are unsure about what the future holds for her based on what’s happened so far.
In terms of what is normal or not in this situation. That is too subjective of a question to really answer definitively. From my perspective, I have certainly been in situations like your daughter at the same age. I was eager to experiment with members of the opposite sex and with alcohol as soon as I could. As an adult now, perhaps I would consider some of the things I did as reckless, but I would say they were normal.
I can say that rebelling, experimenting and hiding things from your parents is 100% normal and is part of human development. We are hard wired as humans to try and differentiate ourselves from our parents as adolescence.
My question to you is, have you ever had similar situations yourself when you were younger?
When you were young, did you ever get yourself into a situation that you hid from your parents?
Have you ever drunk more than you wanted, and ended up needing help from someone?
If the answer is yes to these questions, then perhaps consider what makes this different from when you experimented, versus how she is experimenting now. Is it the change in role (e.g. Now you are the parent and she is the child)? Is it that you don’t quite trust your daughter yet? Or is it something else.
If the answer is no to these questions, then perhaps this maybe what is causing the disconnect between you and her. If you do not have a relatable experience to compare with your daughter’s current experience, I can imagine he behavior would seem out of the norm for you.
To challenge you a little, I imagine your daughter has been hiding this side of herself from you and didn’t want to call you, as she perhaps feared your reaction. Considering you have punished her, I can imagine this pattern may continue, unless you two are able to come to a mutual agreement around safe experimentation.
What was your daughter’s perspective around speaking to a psychologist?
I know changes in our loved ones behavior can be stressful and worrying (especially as a parent), however sometimes these changes are a matter of when instead of if. I know you love your daughter and do your best to help her along as much as you can.
All the best.
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