Thank you so much for your response and thank you making any necessary changes to my post. I just feel helpless at the moment. My daughter is on the waiting list for 1:1 counselling with psychological services. They say she should be seen before Christmas. I don’t really have anyone other than my husband (who is hurting just as much as I am) that I feel I can tell the whole story to. My daughter has always been the ‘golden girl’ in my family and is very much loved by everyone. Her relationship was seen as something special and she would be mortified if people knew the way he has behaved. Initially I supported the contact. He said all the right things about how he didn’t want to lose her from his life and hoped they could work through things eventually. I feel guilty now that I encouraged it when I should have been helping her to put him behind her and move on. We loved this boy and would have been more than happy to see them back together. Now though, I just can’t believe she would still want him back after all this and I’m not sure how we would ever welcome him again, knowing what we do.
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I’m in a similar position in that I feel overwhelmed with ‘hatred’ for the boy who recently broke my daughter’s heart. They started dating three years ago, both aged 15, after being close friends for a while. My daughter was seeing a therapist through the children’s mental health service after a period of bullying left her with severe social anxiety. This boy was so supportive and caring throughout and we felt grateful that she had someone so lovely in her life after such a difficult time. His family seemed to adore her and she felt the same about them. She often went away with them and stayed over at their house. Our family welcomed him with open arms. We are fairly conservative and, whilst we didn’t insist that they waited until marriage to sleep together, we did make it clear to our daughter that we would prefer them to wait until they were both mature enough to take that step. Despite peer pressure from his friends, this boy agreed to this and told my daughter many many times that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her so was happy to wait. This summer, after both turning 18, they decided between them that the time was right. Long story short, 11 days later, he broke up with her (after several arguments over his acquaintance/‘friendship’ with the boy who had bullied her and who had subsequently been accused of non consensual sex with another girl at a party). My daughter’s boyfriend said he wanted to give their relationship the best chance of working in the long term as he felt that the arguments were driving them apart. He wanted to rebuild the strong friendship they had once shared, and hopefully get back together at some point in the future. My daughter was completely devastated. She told him she didn’t think she could be friends with him and watch him dating other girls once he got to university and he reassured her that he had no intention of doing that. Since then, they have had sporadic contact, my daughter still hoping that he would change his mind. Her mental health has deteriorated severely and she has started self harming again. A couple of weeks ago, a mutual friend told her that, not only is her ex sleeping with various different girls at university but that he started to do so on his second night there. My poor daughter now feels like she was just the first of a series of one night stands for him and it is tipping her over the edge. I should probably point out that all this came on top of a horrible period in which we also discovered that the inheritance that her grandfather left her (over £60k) for when she turned 18, has been stolen by the trustees so she has had to deal with police on top of her exams and, of course, the small matter of the pandemic. I feel myself consumed with hatred, I just want this boy to feel hurt too and I fantasise about telling his parents exactly how he has behaved towards my daughter (I know he is their son but his mum has already told my daughter that she is sad they’re not still together and that she thinks he is a “silly boy” for ending it). I just want him to feel a fraction of the hurt and humiliation he has caused in my family. We all feel completely taken in by his veneer of decency. Despite all this, my daughter still says she would take him back if he asked. I don’t know what to do. I’m in the UK by the way, I hope that’s ok, as I understand this is an Australian forum. Thank you.
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