Thank you for or suggestions and follow up. I did reply earlier but post didn’t accept for whatever reasons.
I have sought and been active in recommended methods to deal with his behaviour from primary school (behaviour charts,rewards, loss of treats/issuing activities, naughty spot to older walk away dont engage, don’t give attention being sought. None of which worked long term. I found my best option was a reset event. Ie new primary year, with new teacher, I would get on average 6 months before the calls to see principal started. High school lasted a full year till he got bored and started acting out at start year 8. His attitude toward me didn’t change, but he is better behaved in a new environment, at least until he has figured out what triggers he can use on new adults. Simply will not do as told, occasionally works if suggestions instead of instructions are offered.
The police on my second call, with damage to walls, knowing I was not going to co-operate if they charged him, sought an interim order against him for damage to property and abuse to myself. They served it with my blessing as a consequence without anything Aniston his name unless I are further reports. He ignored it, blamed me for calling them and cos ‘ I hate him and don’t care’. Can’t win! I
they did put Orange Door back in touch with me. I have dealt with them before, they offered support if needed, also advised there was not a to more I can do and urged to report further issues. My son turns 17 in April, and I have been making it very clear (police IVO) helped that f he doesn’t engage at school / and a couple of intro to trade apprenticeships programs I begged our way into, then he is out. Slowly cutting back on giving in and setting some modified rules he is at least pretending to follow Had a week off work to help eldest move into his first rental house this week (previously living in leaky caravan, car, and other very unsuitable places) less than 2 min s leaving and zach was calling repeatedly because he wanted more cash the I left. Fully stocked fridge/home cooked ad favourite microwave foods $40 cash for emergency for 2 nights. I answered few calls, said no, then blocked his calls, more effective as I wast directly inline of fire however I spent one night away, only worried about pets with him, came home to smashed phone and two more holes In plaster and rubbish everywhere. One night and one NO, this is why I give in and Dont work in office.
this week eldest is home, getting wisdom teeth pulled today, so my 16 year old is behaving better, he looks up to eldest after a fashion, he even went to school yesterday-at 12 but it’s a start …. Glass half full, or preparing to do the unthinkable and suffer the fall out…I have no more ‘resets’ or mental/financial energy for my ore rounds.
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I have raised 2 sons, with little close family or assistance.
my youngest has been defiant, with attitude/respect issues and refusal to acknowledge his behaviour, ‘crimes’, by telling barefaced lies or blaming others. He has seen paediatrician for years, was put on ADHD medication, done counselling, at 13/14 he was smoking drugs, hanging on streets, stealing, etc. he would come home every few days /week for food, promises to smarten up, etc. I sought assistance from family health services, police, DHS, all whom could offer nothing as he was not considered ‘at risk’ from home/me. I was getting calls daily from police, school, and alt least twice a week had to leave work to sort out whatever he had done. Out of sheer desperation, I sent him to stay with his dad start year 9. They did not have a relationship previously and it was to be a fresh start, new town, no reputation following him, etc. it lasted 3 months until I was getting abusive calls from his dad, his dads partner telling me to come get him cos they couldn’t cope. DHS got involved again and after a series of couch serving he stayed in a residential care facility by court order for a month. I then took him back with 6 month joint custody and promises of all the assistance/help I needed. It is now 12 months, I heard from DHS once, family support services way too much - the assigned worker was straight from college, rang/ met with me (not my son just me) weekly for an hour listened to what I thought would be helpful for my son - male mentor/specialist in behaviour problems/ an interest / someone to take him out for an hour and let him vent, tell his side, concerns too. All of which were listened to with promises to check options..then next week no options same conversations, with useful comments like, you should try harder to communicate’ ‘at least he went to school this week (2 classes whole week ) you should see a councillor cos you seem stressed’ ‘I eventually gave up.
he is now in a comfort zone, no school, smokes drugs in my home, expects me to be on call for every minute of the day, clean up after him, cook,drive, fund his lifestyle etc. if I don’t do as asked he throws a fit that includes calling me a FC repeatedly aggressively, slams doors, throws things around, he can keep it up for hours snd escalates to the point I have called police twice. With COVID and work from home, I spend most my day in locked bedroom hoping he doesn’t go nuts while on a meeting, and end up giving in cos quicker, cheaper than dealing with the argument and damage and embarrassment.
My elder son, 19 year old, has worked solidly since 15 / school & mostly respected house rules. There was a period of defiance, arguing, etc. with poor choices made outside our home. He is in 2nd year apprenticeship, living independently in town couple hours away. They don’t get along much
what are my rights, I don’t want to charge him as suggested by police, and potentially ruin his chances of work. I can’t bring myself to get AVO police kick him out to be homeless he is my son, not yet 18, but I can’t live like this much longer, it is causing me health issues from stress etc. I can’t leave house at night or planned day trip, without coming home to kids partying, my pets are terrified. He won’t tell to me or acknowledge his behaviour is not right, instead twists it to me not caring about him or always being angry.. he has no intention of changing his lifestyle, or trying to repair relationship, he has everything he needs without having to put in any effort.
I need real tangible assistance, how to get him into some sort of accommodation or group home or something so he can maybe b
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