I have raised 2 sons, with little close family or assistance.
my youngest has been defiant, with attitude/respect issues and refusal to acknowledge his behaviour, ‘crimes’, by telling barefaced lies or blaming others. He has seen paediatrician for years, was put on ADHD medication, done counselling, at 13/14 he was smoking drugs, hanging on streets, stealing, etc. he would come home every few days /week for food, promises to smarten up, etc. I sought assistance from family health services, police, DHS, all whom could offer nothing as he was not considered ‘at risk’ from home/me. I was getting calls daily from police, school, and alt least twice a week had to leave work to sort out whatever he had done. Out of sheer desperation, I sent him to stay with his dad start year 9. They did not have a relationship previously and it was to be a fresh start, new town, no reputation following him, etc. it lasted 3 months until I was getting abusive calls from his dad, his dads partner telling me to come get him cos they couldn’t cope. DHS got involved again and after a series of couch serving he stayed in a residential care facility by court order for a month. I then took him back with 6 month joint custody and promises of all the assistance/help I needed. It is now 12 months, I heard from DHS once, family support services way too much - the assigned worker was straight from college, rang/ met with me (not my son just me) weekly for an hour listened to what I thought would be helpful for my son - male mentor/specialist in behaviour problems/ an interest / someone to take him out for an hour and let him vent, tell his side, concerns too. All of which were listened to with promises to check options..then next week no options same conversations, with useful comments like, you should try harder to communicate’ ‘at least he went to school this week (2 classes whole week ) you should see a councillor cos you seem stressed’ ‘I eventually gave up.
he is now in a comfort zone, no school, smokes drugs in my home, expects me to be on call for every minute of the day, clean up after him, cook,drive, fund his lifestyle etc. if I don’t do as asked he throws a fit that includes calling me a FC repeatedly aggressively, slams doors, throws things around, he can keep it up for hours snd escalates to the point I have called police twice. With COVID and work from home, I spend most my day in locked bedroom hoping he doesn’t go nuts while on a meeting, and end up giving in cos quicker, cheaper than dealing with the argument and damage and embarrassment.
My elder son, 19 year old, has worked solidly since 15 / school & mostly respected house rules. There was a period of defiance, arguing, etc. with poor choices made outside our home. He is in 2nd year apprenticeship, living independently in town couple hours away. They don’t get along much
what are my rights, I don’t want to charge him as suggested by police, and potentially ruin his chances of work. I can’t bring myself to get AVO police kick him out to be homeless he is my son, not yet 18, but I can’t live like this much longer, it is causing me health issues from stress etc. I can’t leave house at night or planned day trip, without coming home to kids partying, my pets are terrified. He won’t tell to me or acknowledge his behaviour is not right, instead twists it to me not caring about him or always being angry.. he has no intention of changing his lifestyle, or trying to repair relationship, he has everything he needs without having to put in any effort.
I need real tangible assistance, how to get him into some sort of accommodation or group home or something so he can maybe b
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