Small update for those following along at home. We have had some progress with the new school, taking my daughter's application, and we have had two meetings now; they are currently assessing her needs and formulating a plan. The process seems drawn out, but I guess they want systems in place to ensure that the movement from one school to another doesn't fall on its face. We have no official date, but it could be in the next few days. To add insult to injury, her mum went down with covid-19, so didn't get to attend the meeting. This, for me, was a better outcome as my daughter spoke in the meeting and was able to communicate with the counsellors and teachers. Not sure whether this is a thing with Kids with behaviour/autistic issues that the parent takes over the role as communicator. But from my observation, this is what happens. Potentially both mother and child may need family counselling. What I have learnt from this. Being a parent is tough, and being a step-parent is equally tough. School refusal is significantly tougher in the current climate, particularly when your child doesn't tell you what is wrong or you don't listen well enough. In this case, the entire problem was stemmed from the child disconnecting from the relationships she made whilst at school. My partner wants or wants my daughter to also attend next year that school. I have listened to my daughter and her friends and know that she will not be attending that school irrespective of how good their facilities are. I hope reading this has helped some other parents facing a similar issue with their children.
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Bit of an update, last week we managed to get her to school 1 of the 5 days. We got our daughter to see a paediatric doctor, who has suggested that sleep is the factor causing the behavioural problem. He prescribed her slow-release melatonin before bed and tried to get the bedtime routine like clockwork. We had from Friday the nighttime routine adjusted and our daughter was prepared for school this morning. Well, until morning rolled around anyway. She flat out refused to go to school and was violent physically and mentally, towards her mother. The straw that broke the camel's back was today. Her mum has yielded and given in to the daughter's demands to go to the alternate school. We still have to enrol her and also get uniforms, and talk with the school. So far that hasn't been a good experience as the school has said they don't even have enough teachers at the moment with covid. We still have counselling booked for 2 months away and I do hope that if she gets accepted into this school that she doesn't pull the same stunts and it all be for no good. It is a very sad and stressful time for us all. I am unsure whether who has won in this situation, or whether there have been any winners. I know Mum is very upset that her daughter isn't going to a better school, and her daughter can't see at this stage what a great opportunity she has turned down. I am wondering whether it is better to be a bright kid in an average school or an average kid in a bright school. I really feel like school time is what you make of it. It isn't much more than learning about things and fundamentals as it is prepping us for adult life. Anyway, I will pop back on later in the week and update you on how the transition went. Thanks for reading
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When I talk with her, I get the main reason for not wanting to go to that school is not liking it there. She doesn't really elaborate or goes into detail only repeats that she just doesn't like it there. I really feel it is a sabotage attempt to get her way. Both of them have been to counselling and it usually involved her mum doing all the talking and the daughter not saying a single word or acknowledging any part of the conversation. We got her to go a half day yesterday and again this morning another flat out refusal. We have had meetings at the school with year advisors where again, both Mum and the teacher do all the talking and the daughter doesn't say boo. I feel the school are very helpful and understanding however they can only help once she is present. We are in the process of getting professional help however the waitlist is incredibly long.
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Hi everyone, we have a blended family which has its challenges but is mostly a happy home.
Our daughter who has gone from a public primary school has now started at a private high school.
Her mum disliked the local public high school and 100% of her friends went to the public school.
Thus far I could count on my hands and fingers the days we have had her at the new school.
When she is at school and can get her there she seems to cope well, according to teachers.
Getting her to school is the tough bit as getting her out of bed is impossible.
She dislikes the school and ultimately in my opinion is sabotaging the opportunity and ultimately wants to go to the school close by which has her friends in it.
We have had meetings with the school and year advisor and she basically is a mute in them meetings and doesn't communicate.
My partner is adamant that she sticks it out at this school, but it is causing much distress at home and making my partner very anxious and upset. To the point at which she can't function and starts to talk about leaving and not being present.
My thoughts seem to be that the simplest solution is to just pull her out of private and stick her in public but that logical choice seems almost absurd from my partner's perspective. My partner just wants her to have the best possible education as do I but not at the expense of both their mental health.
When the child talks to me she basically says she hates the school, wants to go to the public one. When the child talks with her mum she shuts down.
We have a long wait for professional help so I thought I would ask the audience for support.
Can anyone share a thought on some approaches to getting her to school or share some experiences?
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