My husband and are at our wit's end.
We have a lazy, disrespectful, avoidant, manipulative and dishonest 15yo son. I'm sorry that I can't be more positive, but I'm having trouble finding any positive qualities at the moment. He more than likely has some psychological issues, but we just don't know how to help. He has a part-time job which we thought was a great opportunity for him to learn about money, saving, responsibility etc, but him having his own money has backfired, his schooling has suffered and the family relationship is completely broken. After about 18 months of 'issues', they culminated last night in us accessing his phone and laptop. We've found inappropriate photos, inappropriate messages to girls online (both during school hours and after school), food deliveries to school up to $30 a day (online orders/delivery) spending hundreds of (his) dollars on a computer game (a form of gambling in my view), trying to arrange with friends to have girls over at one particular friend's house, trying to source alcohol and e-cigarettes. He's spending his money from his part-time job on silly 'slogan' clothes, a couple of times has spent up to $200 on counterfeit/fake/copy shoes and arranging delivery of them to him at school, online gaming, food deliveries, Uber transport, gym/protein supplements. He's also fleeced money from others in the extended family to support this gaming habit (to the tune of a few thousand dollars).
He is grossly overweight. We've paid for a gym membership (he doesn't go). We've spoken to GPs and our son himself has attended a GP about an unrelated issue where they took the opportunity to have a 'chat', but he tells them he's happy and fine. The school recommended blocking some access to internet (he hacks through it). He's failing exams. He's not speaking to us. He's not interested in attending psych appointments for which we've got referrals. He is a master of deceit, and knows how to play people and knows what they want to here. I have severe concerns that he has a personality disorder + narcissism. We have two other children (younger), one of those with a disability and serious illness. He's also taking advantage of our vulnerability in that regard, but on the outside he is more than happy to promote himself as an amazing advocate and big brother. Our other son (younger than the 15yo) is a nervous wreck due to the stress in the family, and has absolutely no relationship whatsoever with his brother.
We are at the point where we are absolutely exhausted, broken, suffering psychologically ourselves and, to be honest, just don't want him around. We don't have the strength or capacity to deal with him. He has no remorse, no empathy, no respect for anyone other than himself - well, really, no respect for himself either. Where to next? We're completely lost.
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