17 year old

[foster256]

So my 17 year old has mental health that's deteriorated over few years. Occasional self harm, suicidal thoughts no plan. Offered options over the years for support which they tried and stopped. She has this year got involved with psychologist, MH service and supports at school year 11. However tells each of them different things. Now she has been offered residential support for 2 weeks which she wants as she now says she does not want to live with us, says its our fault, wants to leave and not return, stay with friends. Hates us, her siblings and that none of us care because we have not helped her. The residential place is for 2 weeks, she has to have goals - none given or does not remember, will not be going to school but can have friends over if she wants and phone. What can I do.....she has a part time job she enjoys, always chatting online with her friends , often making things, arts and crafts,
Sorry lots of waffle

[Chloe-RO]

Hi @foster256 ,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what's been going on for you. It certainly sounds like things have been tough for the whole family. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter does not feel like she wants to be at home. It must be very hard for you to hear this as a parent.

I'm glad to hear that she has supports in place such as a psychologist, and school supports. Having the two weeks in a residential service may be a good circuit breaker for her. These youth services work with recovery goals to help the young person in their daily functioning. These goals are set at the beginning of the stay and evaluated just before discharge. Hopefully this 2 week stay will help to have a clearer understanding of what she wants for her future.

I hear you have found activities she enjoys which is a good start. It sounds like you are doing what you can to support her.

I hear how hard it is to ride this wave right now. I wonder if you would be interested in ReachOut's free 1:1 Support for parents. You can read more about it here.

At this time, please take care of yourself. Self-care is most important for all involved.

[foster256]

Thanks. I just worry as she says she does not want to be at home and says she wants to use this to leave and we cannot stop her.
She was very hurtful, and I know she says these things when we don't agree with her or have questions about it. She will not say what her goals are but just does not care about us and not live with us.
I think it could be a good idea but husband does not like it, siblings unaware, it was 20 minutes into first meeting with psychiatrist the residential placement was mentioned.
It's so hard.

[foster256]

Hi. When she says she hates her siblings, it's love /hate relationship. She does not tell them she hatesthem but they argue, wind each other up and then 5 minutes later sitting in a bedroom laughing and chatting. Think it's normal sibling rivalry as they are all teenagers. And yes they have supports.
Just when she gets angry she says she does not like them.

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Forster43- 

Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you are your family are all going through a very tough time at the moment. It is understandable how hard this must be for you, and I am really glad that you have been able to reach out for some support and share this with us.

It sounds like some of the things your daughter has been saying have been really hurtful towards you, as well as the rest of the family which is understandable. I can hear how much your daughter means to you, and how much you are trying to support her.

It also sounds like you have done a great job at getting her as much support to help her through this and it is great to hear that she is receiving support from a psychiatrist, MH service, psychologist and school supports.

You mentioned that your daughter has experienced suicidal thoughts and has self-harmed in the past and I was curious about whether you have a safety plan in place, or if you would consider creating one? We have some information here about safety planning and how to create one here which you may find helpful.

We also have some more resources about supporting your teen with suicidal thoughts here. 

I was also wondering about what supports you have at the moment and if you have spoken to anyone about what is going on? This is a lot for you to be dealing with and it is important that you are also receiving some support. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Also, we have sent you another email to check in. Could you please keep an eye out for it? Thanks. 

Take care and we hope to hear back from you soon.