14 year old girl very depressed and says she wants to die. Help!

[Desperate0mum]

Hi,  I’ve just signed up. I’m feeling really lost and helpless.  My 14 year old girl is in a really dark place at the moment.  It’s been going on for months. I taken her to the doctor and they have put her on medication for depression but it doesn’t seem to be helping.  She is also seeing a psychologist regularly.  She has made a few silly decisions lately which have got her into trouble. Nothing serious but everything just seems to be snowballing for her and I just feel helpless. When she says she wants to die it crushes and scares me. I am trying to be supportive but her Dad has different ways of parenting and thinks I should be punishing her.  What do I do?  

[Breez-RO]

Hi @Desperate0mum welcome to the forums I am so sorry to hear about this painful experience with your girl. It's not uncommon for the meds to have no effect, in fact some actually have quite negative side effects; everyone reacts differently to medication - I would definitely recommend tracking her symptoms and if needs be go back to the GP for a chat. In regards to the Psychologist, does she have good rapport with the Psych? Do they have a congruent professional relationship? The health sector has a huge range of practitioner's all with different backgrounds, counsellors, psychologist's, psychiatrist's, social workers etc - it's not a one size fits all and there are many options, it could be good to explore whether or not she is finding her practitioner helpful. Your own self-care is important through all of this, do you have any supports close to you, or any time to yourself to unwind etc? I am going to tag other members for their input you're not alone.

@Orbit64 @Schooner @sunflowermom @taokat @Dakotah

[Breez-RO]

Also just checking in @Desperate0mum is your Daughter safe tonight? Do you need extra support for her at the moment? SCBS are a really good service if she's ever suicidal, as well as for yourself in supporting her - you can phone them at anytime if you need strategies, their number is 1300 659 467 and their webchat is here. 

[Schooner]

Hi @Desperate0mum,

It's a difficult time, trying to find the balance between supporting and pushing our kids. My son needed support and understanding for his depression at 14, pushing and punishing was definitely the wrong approach, in my opinion. Not everyone in the family agreed, and that's hard. Maybe you need to put your case firmly, but keep in mind that some people can be in denial, or just don't see what you see. Help them see it. If that fails, you might need to shield her a little.

At the same time even depressed kids need to know there are boundaries. That was another balancing act for us.

Have you spoken to the psychologist about what's happening at home? They may be able to help. 

It's a very hard time. Look after yourself. I write that a lot, and whenever I do I remember my response at the time: I'm not important, I'll just cope. Well, if you get worn out you can't help your girl. So, look after yourself, not for yourself, but for her.

Cheers