14 year old not coming home

[Irishmum]

My 14 year old has been staying out at nights not telling as where, coming home drunk and injured, we don’t know where to turn for help as everywhere we have tried has king referral waiting lists

[Bel_RO]

Hey @Irishmum,

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing what you’re going through. I can see how taxing things have been for you with your 14 year old staying out at night, not knowing where they are, while coming home intoxicated and injured. If you feel comfortable sharing, how long has this been going on for? I am also wondering how your teen has responded to conversations you have had with them about this? ReachOut has an article on setting boundaries with your teenager that you might find helpful and another on risk taking and teenagers that might give you some additional insight.

I imagine how stressful this must be and can see that you’ve tried to receive support but have been faced with referral waiting lists. This must be really exhausting and frustrating to say the least. I am wondering if you’ve had contact with the school about what's been happening? The school can be a great support for parents as they usually work with you to find solutions and support. It sounds like you can also see how important professional support might be for your young person. Until they are able to get access to professional support, we have a youth online community that may be useful to share with your young person whilst you're waiting for professional support. I'm also curious if your young person has had any experience with professional support before? There is a resource on preparing your teen for professional help which may be useful if this will be their first experience of therapy.

I also want to note the importance of managing your own wellbeing while going through difficult times. Have you spoken to friends and family about what you’re experiencing? For a parent, seeing a professional can also be incredibly helpful, so I am wondering if you’ve previously connected with professional support? ReachOut offers free 1:1 parent coaching sessions that I encourage you to connect with. Headspace is another service that offers free counselling online and over the phone for parents and resources that may also be really helpful for you.

An email has also been sent to you so keep an eye out for it! 

[Irishmum]

Hi it has been going on for the last couple of months. The school hasn’t been helpful. He was bullied last year so we changed schools and that’s when things started to get worse.
We have tried a psychologist but it wasn’t a great. I make gp appointments but then he is not home for them.
He tells us he is getting bullied and forced to steal the alcohol and then drink it otherwise he will be beaten which he has been.
He is on anti anxiety meds for the last couple of months which seem to help but we are concerned about their interaction with alcohol.
We have reached out to orange door, yoda, headspace and the police youth liaison officer but all have big wait lists.

[Stormy-RO]

Hi @Irishmum I just wanted to chime in and acknowledge how difficult this situation must be for you. It makes sense that you feel at a loss because you haven't been able to seek support. This is all in addition to how hard it is to take the step to move schools only to have this bullying happen at a more extreme level. Feeling like you don't know where to turn is very understandable in this situation and I'm glad that you reached out for support.

If your son is being forced to drink alcohol underage and being threatened and treated with violence when he tries to refuse, it may be best to get in contact with the police in your local area who could help in these instances. Would it be possible for your son to give you any information that could help you to get law enforcement involved for his safety? Crimestoppers is an anonymous avenue where you could report what is going on if you would rather not connect with police first-hand. 

I also see that you are concerned about the way his anti-anxiety medication may interact with alcohol. I wanted to refer you to 1300medicine, which is a free government-funded service where you can talk to a registered pharmacist, or Healthdirect, which can connect you to a registered nurse. It might be a way that you can speak to someone about your concerns without the difficulty of trying to get your son to be home at the same time as his GP appointments.

Have you been able to seek any support for yourself through everything that is happening? @Bel_RO provided some resources above to get some support for yourself which you may also want to look into.

Sending my best wishes your way.