14yo Daughter with Anxiety has school refusal

[DolphinLover80]

Hi. My 14yo daughter has recently moved back home after living with her father for 2-1/2yrs. She had a couple of instances since being home where she has called me because she has been having panic attacks. She also got suspended after she sculled a quantity of vodka she found at a bus stop.

On top of this her best friend is suffering from a severe eating disorder and she has not seen her for over 2 months. Her best friend won’t be returning to school any time soon.

My daughter says that going to school sends her anxiety through the roof and feels like she is shaking and wanting to vomit.

She loves her music classes but struggles with all other classes. She has a good rapport with her guidance officer and a great relationship with her AVT.

But I am at a loss as to what else we can do to help her and reduce the school refusal.

[Eleanor-RO]

Hey @DolphinLover80,

Thanks for reaching out to the forums, 

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter’s situation. It sounds as though she is going through a really tough time. I can imagine it would be hard for her to want to go to school if her best friend is not attending at the moment. Does your daughter have other friends at school she spends time with?

I wonder if the school has any ideas on how to support your daughter?

Does your daughter see a counsellor or psychologist at all? Maybe it could help for her to see a mental health professional about her anxiety. You might like to look at our anxiety webpage here.

It's so great that you have reached out to support your daughter. I can hear how much you care. Hopefully others on the forums have some advice to share as well.

[DolphinLover80]

Thank you for your reply.

She had two other friends last year but they completely ghosted her over the Christmas break so now she has no close friends. She does have a couple of girls that she’s hanging out with but I don’t know if they could be classed as friends.

She is starting counselling this week so hopefully there can be some improvement soon.

I will speak to her case worker at school about your suggestion. Hopefully they can find a way to work with us.

[Dem--RO]

Hi @DolphinLover80,

Great to hear that your daughter is starting counselling this week  

If you ever feel that you need to speak to someone, Parentline are a really good resource.

School refusal is a huge and ongoing cause for concern for many parents, and this article is a really good starting point for getting some help, and it includes a link to one-on-one counsellor support for parents as well.

[Erin_RO]

Hi @DolphinLover80 

We wanted to check in and see how you and your daughter are today? 

It sounds like your daughter losing friends in such a difficult way over the Christmas break would have been extremely tough on her. It is great to hear she has some interest in seeing a counsellor. It might provide an independent space for her to talk about some of the challenges she has faced recently.

We wanted to also provide you with some additional links that may be useful regarding school refusal here and here. 

Take care

[DolphinLover80]

Thank you for checking in.
She’s not doing too well today.
She was having the urge to self harm at school but thankfully she went and spoke to her guidance counsellor.

It’s going to be a long and slow process sadly.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @DolphinLover80,

You're most welcome, we're here to support you. We're sorry to hear that your daughter had a difficult day at school. It's great that she was able to talk to her guidance counsellor, even though she was having self harm urges. Does she have any tools for managing these urges when they pop up? We've included a lot of different articles already but there is another one here which discusses self harm and includes tips for managing urges. This might be a helpful article to read in case your daughter takes some time to open up during counselling