15 year old runaway son

[nikki82]

Hello,

My 15 year old son keeps running off and refuses to attend school, I had spent alot of time discussing with him earning or learning and even helped him write a resume.

Unfortunately his friendship group has influenced him greatly and he has frequently stayed at random houses for days until I report him missing.

This time the police told me he was very angry when they located him and refused to come home and told them I kicked him iut which isn't true. He was using words the preciously time I seen him like "I can self place and safe" .

I explained to him drug homes are not safe and not being financial stable is also not safe, so it appears some of the parents of these homes have given him wording to use to justify his wreckers behaviour.

I fear there is drugs involved as each time I've managed to locate him he has been threatening towards me and basically telling me I have to tolerate it.

My issue here is the police, my child is at risk with these people and they are well known unstable homes in my suburb but I feel police are ignoring what I'm saying and telling me basically he has choose to leave 🤷‍♀️.

According to the law a 15 year is a minor and should be brought home if in an unsafe location?

Why does the law not help us parent, I can't even try to get my son help if I can't locate or speak to him?

He deliberately did not take his phone so I can't communicate with him.

I'm holding out hope he will come to me so we can chat but I'm literally lost and feel like no one is supporting me to be able to even find him to chat.

[Bel_RO]

Hey @nikki82,

Firstly, I’d like to welcome you to ReachOut and thank you for sharing your experience! I can hear how challenging and frightening it must be for you to have your 15 year old son hanging around in unsafe homes. This would be incredibly difficult for any parent, so how you’re feeling is completely understandable. I am wondering how long this has been going on for?

I can see that you’ve tried to find your son by connecting with police and reporting him missing. The response you received from police would have been heart wrenching to say the least. Being unable to locate or talk to your son, not knowing what he’s doing is absolutely terrifying and overwhelming. I commend you for trying to communicate and connect with your son, it is really admirable! Besides the police, have you connected with any local community services? You might be interested in connecting with Relationships Australia Queensland (RAQ) who are a leading provider of services that support healthy relationships and wellbeing. They have over 30 centres across Queensland which can be accessed in person, via telephone and online. They may be able to support you further and try to connect you with your son. 

 It is really easy to neglect your own wellbeing with everything that you’re experiencing, so I am curious if you have spoken about what's going on with friends or family? Sometimes seeing a professional for your own mental health can be really helpful, so I am wondering if you have any professional support at the moment? If you are interested in additional support, ReachOut offers free 1:1 parent coaching sessions which might be beneficial for you to discuss your thoughts and emotions. 

[broken_mumma81]

Having the exact same experience now with my 13 year old. 

Unless he comes home voluntarily there is nothing we can do. Police, DHS and CPS are no help. The timeframe to get DHS involved is weeks if not months. Unless he is mentally unstable police can't hold him. Unless he willingly gets in our car we can't make him. 

He's 13! And getting 'advice' from 15 year olds that have grown up in a system that is designed around them. They know all the right 'buzz' words. They also fill his head with all the things he wants to hear....you don't have to go to school. You don't have to live at home. You don't have to follow the rules....etc...etc. 

We are so broken, confused and shattered by a system that's supposed to protect our kids, not give them the tools to leave home at 13. 

[Bel_RO]

Hey @broken_mumma81,
Welcome to ReachOut’s parent and carer community and thank you for sharing your experience. What you are going through must be incredibly heartbreaking and taxing. Have you had a chance to talk to anyone about this, like friends or family?

Please know that you are not alone. Many other parents are going through similar situations and can relate to your feelings. Not knowing where your son is can be terrifying, especially knowing he might be with peers who often find trouble. I am interested to know how long you have been experiencing this for?

I want to acknowledge the tremendous effort you've put into finding support for your teen and trying to bring him home. It's completely understandable to feel broken, confused, and shattered, especially after repeated efforts that haven't yielded results. I am wondering if you have had any support from the school and if you’ve had the chance to speak to the school about what’s been going on?

Considering what you're going through, are you currently seeing a professional for support, like a psychologist or GP? If you're interested in additional support, ReachOut offers free and confidential one-on-one parent coaching sessions. Another resource is Parentline, which provides free and confidential telephone counselling for parents of children and teens aged 0-18.

I hope to hear from you soon.

[nikki82]

This has been going on and off now for since April the runaway behaviour that is.

Prior to that he was acting agressive and refusing to contribute to our family household I'm a mum of 4 he is my eldest.

I've spoken to the school they told me they can't do anything 🤷‍♀️ and that even if they see him around town and know he should be at school they can't even call police seems odd to me.

Literally the mother at this other home he has been living in is no help eventually I told another local mum about it who was also having similar problems and she messaged the mother basically telling her to kick out my son because he isn't safe in her home and he has a safe home to go to.

He asked me to pick him up which I did and I acted like i didn't know anything. He stayed at home for 4 days then yesterday he took off to that house again.

I literally feel like calling child safety but everyone including a social worker told me kids from age 11 can self place themselves where ever they want and parents can't do anything about it.

[Bel_RO]

Hey @nikki82,

Welcome back! Thank you for sharing more about what you've been experiencing. It's encouraging to hear about the positive moment when your son returned home for four days, despite the challenges you're facing with his recent departure. Your feelings about the system's shortcomings are valid and shared by many. Please know that you're not alone in this journey.

Wishing you all the best!